Posted on 03/18/2002 11:00:38 AM PST by PetroniDE
1. "DON'T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON!"
2. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
3. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
4. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
5. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
6. Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
7. Always drink upstream from the herd.
8. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
9. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
10. The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.
11. Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
12. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
13. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
14. If a someone says there ain't no God, tell'em to go tell the cow, she'll understand better.
14. If a someone says there ain't no God, tell'em to go tell the cow, she'll understand better.
Amen!
There is one point missing. If your jeans have a rivet in the crotch, don't squat near the fire.
Shalom.
Bump!
Shalom.
At a small airport terminal in Texas, three strangers awaiting their shuttle flight start conversing about the recent worldly events. The strangers were of varying cultures. One was Native American. Another was a Cowboy from West Texas. The other person was a devout Arab Muslim.
During their conversation, they began to discuss their cultural history.
The Native American stated "once my people were many, now we are few."
The Muslim then chimed in and arrogantly said, "once my people were few and now we are many."
The Cowboy looked at the Muslim, shifted the toothpick in his mouth and said with a sly grin, "that's cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet."
I just got this in the Strangecosmos.com newsletter.
If you're north of Dallas and speed up you're going to end up in Canada. But I guess there's "cool" people there, too.
1. to be shot
2. to be hung
3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly).
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)
Then the Redneck said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the redneck fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy. Then the Redneck said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did.
Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over. Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Redneck replied, "You guys are so stupid.....I'm wearing a condom!"
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