[PetroniDE]

Sent from Yankee Brother-In-Law to a Yankee that moved South.

[Hawkeye's Girl]

Hehehe :D

[Bobisalwaysright]

13. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

14. If a someone says there ain't no God, tell'em to go tell the cow, she'll understand better.

Amen!

[Flyer]

This all sounds like pretty darn good advice to me.

[ArGee]

Where is the humor in this all-too-sage advice.

There is one point missing. If your jeans have a rivet in the crotch, don't squat near the fire.

Shalom.

[Flyer]

15. If you find yourself north of Dallas, TURN AROUND!

[ArGee]

14. If a someone says there ain't no God, tell'em to go tell the cow, she'll understand better.

Bump!

Shalom.

[TexasNative2000]

'Don't try to talk yourself out of a problem if you acted your way into it.'

[Cyber Liberty]

"Next time you're feeling pretty powerful, try ordering somebody else's dog around."

[stlrocket]

A little more Texas Humor!

TEXAS SAYINGS

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM TEXAS IF...

[stlrocket]

A Native American, a Texan, and a Muslim

At a small airport terminal in Texas, three strangers awaiting their shuttle flight start conversing about the recent worldly events. The strangers were of varying cultures. One was Native American. Another was a Cowboy from West Texas. The other person was a devout Arab Muslim.

During their conversation, they began to discuss their cultural history.

The Native American stated "once my people were many, now we are few."

The Muslim then chimed in and arrogantly said, "once my people were few and now we are many."

The Cowboy looked at the Muslim, shifted the toothpick in his mouth and said with a sly grin, "that's cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet."

I just got this in the Strangecosmos.com newsletter.

[11B3]

There was a German, an Italian and a Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:

1. to be shot
2. to be hung
3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly).

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)

Then the Redneck said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the redneck fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy. Then the Redneck said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did.

Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over. Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Redneck replied, "You guys are so stupid.....I'm wearing a condom!"

[otterpond]

Smile BUMP!

[Consort]

Old Chism Trail

Come and gather round boys, and listen to my tale
I’ll tell you all my troubles on the Old Chism Trail

(Chorus)

Come a ti yi yippie yippie yay yippie yay
Come a ti yi yippie yippie yay

With a ten dollar horse and a forty dollar saddle
I started in herdin’ these Texas cattle (repeat chorus)

We started up the trail October 23rd
Started up the trail with the Lone Star Herd (repeat chorus)

I jumped on my horse, grabbed hold of the horn
I’m the best cow puncher that ever was a born (repeat chorus)

My foot’s in the stirrup, my seat’s in the saddle
I ‘m the best cow puncher that ever rode a straddle (repeat chorus)

I’m on my horse and I’m goin’ on the run
I’m the quickest shootin’ cowboy that ever pulled a gun (repeat chorus)

Up in the morning before daylight
When I go to sleep the moon shines bright (repeat chorus)

A ropin’ and a tyin’ and a brandin’ all day
I’m workin mighty hard for mighty little pay (repeat chorus)....

[TheGrimReaper]

Let's not forget the Brits, while we're at it....

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist! (true story)

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.
NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Defrost the chicken!"

[Happygal]

One for Carl? :-)

[connectthedots]

Is there any truth to the "The bigger the belt buckle, the smaller the _________ ?

[NotJustAnotherPrettyFace]

Gonna send this to my Texan sister-in-law.

[Gamecock]

My first assignment in the Army was in San Antonio.
I soon learned that Texas didn't have a state income tax.
I went about changin' my state of residency.
I got me a Texas driving license, I registered to vote in Texas,
and just to make sure, I married me a Texan.

(She hates it when I tell that story)

[amom]

Time to laugh gals. :-)