Single and Alone or the Holidays

self ^ | 23 December 2001 | grumpster"Ho,Ho, Ho" dumpster

[grumpster-dumpster]

For many single adults, the Christmas Season is a “personally uncomfortable” time of the year. The loneliness factor seems to grow by leaps and bounds… all the gift giving and “Holiday Spirit” and the general party mood can actually be quite overwhelming to the singe adult.

Now, normally I try to view life with a non-serious eye. I think it’s better to laugh at folly than be trampled by it. But this year was somewhat different…This year I discovered an active resistance to organizing a get-together for adults to share Christmas in a non-threatening, casual environment… Just a nice party where single Christians could all meet and socialize…maybe have a “pot-luck,” BYOB, hire a “DJ” and exchange small (under $5) gifts to one another on Christmas afternoon.

It’s absolutely unbelievable the amount of non-cooperation I received from the churches in my area. (I’m Catholic…but my idea was for a non-denominational event.)

- The Baptist’s said they couldn’t be part of any event where liquor was allowed…besides they had already invited the single members to share Christmas day with other families (Just what a single wants to do…sit around and watch someone else’s kids open presents.)

- The Methodist’s said they already hold an event for the singles…turns out to be a “youth-group” function (Just what a single adult wants to do…sit around with a 20 year-old discussing his/her weighty insights into life.)

- The Lutheran’s hold a “prayer/home-alone” dinner…with assistance from the “Youth-Group” so no booze allowed. (Another “winner” for the single adult…let’s toast good-cheer with Dr. Pepper.)

- The Catholic Church said : “It will interfere with the Bishop’s dinner he hold’s every year for people alone.” I learned that this dinner is for “the poor” (meaning bums in the area). Undaunted, I tried to volunteer to help out at the event but was told the “volunteers” would be high-school kids (I was in high-school 30 years ago…so I didn’t make the cut.)

Now don’t get me wrong…I’m not complaining about these churches trying to help out needy families, kid’s, the homeless, or whatever by having their own programs at Christmas and throughout the year… God bless them for their outpouring of love and generosity!

But; I am complaining about the way Churches treat single adults… Look, we’re not asking for money, or sympathy, or even for a “free meal”…but do you have to reject our willingness to volunteer and help out (Just try to be a single adult man and ask Mrs. Goodness N. Sweetness what you can bring to the “pot-luck!” She’ll probably tell you either “Nothing! Just Yourself.” Or worse; “Oh, just bring some soda or ice, maybe a bag of chips… Anything that will make you “feel” like your part of the family…which your not, of course…)
Can’t we just get an unused room to hold a get-together? And would it be too much trouble to “spread-the-word” about this event to the single adults in the congregation?

This is an open invitation for Single, Divorced, or Widowed Freepers, who are spending the Holiday’s alone to comment. What are your plans? Why aren’t you doing anything…or what are you going to do? Are you looking forward to Christmas and New Years day with the “family?” Would you prefer to be doing something else? Do your churches hold any events for single adults? Do your suggestions or initiatives get rejected by your church?

I would really like to know I there are any of you out there who are just as frustrated at the “lip-service” singles get…especially at this time of the year!

In all sincerity (really!): I wish each of you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

[Tall_Texan]

There's two reasons why Valentine's Day is worse:

1) There's no football to watch.

2) It's personal. There's no group identity here.

[angcat]

if you are a friend of the parents who the hell cares if the kids feel you are a stranger. One thanksgiving I invited my boss, he was from Georgia and he did not go home for thanksgiving he was in PA working on a short term job and i worked for him doing clerical duties, so I invited him to my home for thanksgiving, i only knew him for a month but he was a pissa and he came with his deviled eggs and shared thanksgiving with my crazy family he had a Yankee thanksgiving..............

[Tall_Texan]

I've never been through a divorce but I hurt for you. What a cruel thing to do. Papers on Christmas Eve? Ooh, how difficult is it to not retaliate to that??

[red-dawg]

The first time I was alone for Christmas was in 1976. I had the quarterdeck watch in the Philippines.
I've been alone every holiday season ever since. I have also found a way to entertain myself to make the times special.
One year I learned how to cook apple pie from scratch. The next time I went all out in a neighborhood holiday decoration contest.
There was the time I went scuba diving in Cozumel and made some new friends. Skiing in New Mexico, building a new dog house for my new dog,
one time I volunteered for the city's downtown feast for the homeless.
You can always find something to do, Christmas is what YOU make of it.
I got an idea! Go fly a kite, take advantage of the windy weather.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

[southern rock]

The Baptist’s said they couldn’t be part of any event where liquor was allowed.

LOL!! This is the "Jesus turned water into grape juice" crowd. And the funny part is, they actually believe they are the most Biblical Christians around.

[kevman]

thank you people do not even look at singles as real people, unless you are one who is a "hard working single mom " or a deadbeat dad. I am neither. I am single by choice and pro-life and proudly conservative, but i must say the bias againsgt single people is unreal

[grumpster-dumpster]

I'm sorry, I just can't reply to each of you individually! There have been a great many good suggestions here...and some fun as well! This thread was started so the "Singles" could vent some frustrations! Each of you has my sincere gratitude for your comments (except that guy who said anybody over 20 and is not married is a pervert!)

Keep the thread going if you want...but I can't be here all night to reply...and one of the ony things I take seriously here at FR is the idea of someone walking away from a thread they have started!

A Very Merry Christmas to one and all!

- grumpster "Tiny Tim" (in the Charles Dickens sense, not the hippy)-dumpster

[kstewskis]

- The Catholic Church said : “It will interfere with the Bishop’s dinner he hold’s every year for people alone.” I learned that this dinner is for “the poor” (meaning bums in the area). Undaunted, I tried to volunteer to help out at the event but was told the “volunteers” would be high-school kids (I was in high-school 30 years ago…so I didn’t make the cut.)

LOL! That's too bad. At my parish, our nun buys a *keg* for after Holy Saturday Mass, and we party! Even our "single neighborhood churches" thoughout our parish get together for wine tasting parties at each other's houses. As for this Christmas,(as with the last 10) I head back to So. Cal to spend Christmas with the family. Nice thing, is that it allows me to see friends I left there, so I guess I have the best of both ways.

Nonetheless, have a very Merry Christmas G-D!

[krb]

If I'm lucky, there'll be some good Matlock episodes on TV and maybe some Clint Eastwood movies...

[mafree]

I've never been married and have lived my whole adult life away from my immediate family, but prefer to be with them on most holidays if possible. If that doesn't work out, then other relatives and closer friends will do. For the most part, I don't like being alone all day on holidays so I will accept invites from people I don't know well if I can't be with those I am closer to. I'm typically gregarious so I don't mind being around strangers.

As for being single on holidays in church settings, some churches I've been in try to make sure everyone has people to be with so I've spent some holidays with families where I only knew one or two people in the place. I've also been in other churches that had a lot of singles and/or people who lived away from their families and sometimes we'd just plan to get together and potluck, etc.

[brat]

I'm never alone on Christmas...but sometimes I long to spend it with Christ. I'm serious. No hurry, no bustle, no making nice when you're tired and exhausted! My favorite time is to take a bottle of wine, pour a hot, bubbly bath and spend it thanking Him and lifting various persons and situations up before Him for blessing or just to thank Him that they are/were in my life. I wouldn't miss it for the world!

[gcruse]

 "Animal House", "Slapshot", and "The Life of Brian"

Amen to that.  I just reprised Slapshot two
days ago.  By the way, I would add
Andrew Dice Clay on Laserdisc 24 hours a day.

[grumpster-dumpster]

"LOL! That's too bad. At my parish, our nun buys a *keg* for after Holy Saturday Mass, and we party! Even our "single neighborhood churches" thoughout our parish get together for wine tasting parties at each other's houses."

OK you convinced me! I'm moving to AZ! Just tell me what parish and the start times and I'll load up the truck!

Have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year!

[Uncle Bill]

The Story of the Christmas Guest

By Helen Steiner Rice

It happened one day at the year's white end,
Two neighbors called on an old-time friend

And they found his shop so meager and mean,
Made gay with a thousand boughs of green,

And Conrad was sitting with face a-shine
When he suddenly stopped as he stitched a twine

And said, "Old friends, at dawn today,
When the cock was crowing the night away,

The Lord appeared in a dream to me
And said, 'I am coming your guest to be'.

So I've been busy with feet astir,
Strewing my shop with branches of fir,

The table is spread and the kettle is shined
And over the rafters the holly is twined,

And now I will wait for my Lord to appear
And listen closely so I will hear

His step as He nears my humble place,
And I open the door and look in His face. . ."

So his friends went home and left Conrad alone,
For this was the happiest day he had known,

For, long since, his family had passed away
And Conrad has spent a sad Christmas Day.

But he knew with the Lord as his Christmas guest
This Christmas would be the dearest and best,

And he listened with only joy in his heart.
And with every sound he would rise with a start

And look for the Lord to be standing there
In answer to his earnest prayer

So he ran to the window after hearing a sound,
But all that he saw on the snow-covered ground

Was a shabby beggar whose shoes were torn
And all of his clothes were ragged and worn.

So Conrad was touched and went to the door
And he said, "Your feet must be frozen and sore,

And I have some shoes in my shop for you
And a coat that will keep you warmer, too."

So with grateful heart the man went away,
But as Conrad noticed the time of day

He wondered what made the dear Lord so late
And how much longer he'd have to wait,

When he heard a knock and ran to the door,
But it was only a stranger once more,

A bent, old crone with a shawl of black,
A bundle of faggots piled on her back.

She asked for only a place to rest,
But that was reserved for Conrad's Great Guest.

But her voice seemed to plead, "Don't send me away
Let me rest awhile on Christmas Day."

So Conrad brewed her a steaming cup
And told her to sit at the table and sup.

But after she left he was filled with dismay
For he saw that the hours were passing away

And the Lord had not come as He said He would,
And Conrad felt sure he had misunderstood.

When out of the stillness he heard a cry,
"Please help me and tell me where am I."

So again he opened his friendly door
And stood disappointed as twice before,

It was only a child who had wandered away
And was lost from her family on Christmas Day...

Again Conrad's heart was heavy and sad,
But he knew he should make this little child glad,

So he called her in and wiped her tears
And quieted her childish fears.

Then he led her back to her home once more
But as he entered his own darkened door,

He knew that the Lord was not coming today
For the hours of Christmas had passed away.

So he went to his room and knelt down to pray
And he said, "Dear Lord, why did you delay,

What kept You from coming to call on me,
For I wanted so much Your face to see. . ."

When soft in the silence a voice he heard,
"Lift up your head for I kept My word--

Three times My shadow crossed your floor--
Three times I came to your lonely door--

For I was the beggar with bruised, cold feet,
I was the woman you gave to eat,
And I was the child on the homeless street."

[connectthedots]

The only pain I feel this year is that my older son invited my ex's in-laws to spend 5 days with them over Christmas and left me without an invitation. Unbeknownst to him and quite by coincidence, the husband in the family that did invite me is a financial planner, as is my son. I will be obtaining a very, very large judgment withing the next few months. Guess who will be getting my business? My son is going to learn a very expensive lesson that will probably cost him $10,000/year for the next 30-40 years.

As for me, I am the most optimistic person you will ever meet. I am having a great time this year. Not having to deal with a pesimistic and negative wife with a screwed up set of in-laws does have its advantages, plus I will be attending 5-6 Christian singles dances over the holidays. In short, despite the fact that things could always be better; I am having a blast!!! The happiest I've been in many, many years.

On top of that, my younger son is an airline pilot and I think I will be able to attend the 2002 C-PAC convention and not have to spend more than $500 for the entire trip from the west coast. Who knows whom I might meet; there may even be some single conservative 'babes', but aren't they all?

[lowbridge]

Even mindless vandalism can be a real picker upper, deface someones property and let your anger at the world have free reign.

Good idea. Where do you live? ;-)

[Dan from Michigan]

Assumption is the mother of all screw ups.

[lowbridge]

So what's wrong with being single?

You can stay out as long as you want. You can go wherever you want, and do whatever you want.

You can leave books and magazines about guns, cars, and beer sitting out on the kitchen table. You're never expected to behave. You can keep "Animal House", "Slapshot", and "The Life of Brian" on continuous replay on the DVD player.

You can wait 'til morning -or the day after- to pitch the empty pizza box and beer cans. You don't have to hear "Your friends are morons..." every time they come over. You never have to go to the mall (I think that should count as 2 or 3 points).

You can walk around in your boxers all day. You can pick your nose and actually take the time to inspect your boogies. You can go a whole day without the phone being used. Your diet need only consist of ramen noodles and Guinness. You don't have to remember any dates.

And the problem is...?

That I've done all that already till I got sick of it and now I want something different.

[Djarum]

"Before I reply..I need to know if that was a serious comment. Or did you just forget to put the < /Sarcasm > tag on?"

'twas a joke. I didn't think the sarcasm tag would be necessary.

[Blackdakota]

Single and loving it here. No more arguments and lost nerves trying to get to both families and friends in such a short time. No hundres of gifts to buy.

I get to spend the holidays with my family and friends as much as I want to and then when I go home I can relax and enjoy the remaining holidays by myself.

Get a Pet. They're much better company on a relaxing day off work when you truely want to do NOTHING.

Single events are nothing more than support groups sometimes that you end up telling your sad stories to and only gets you feeling worse about yourself or your situation. Some people I think want to feel sad or think they should feel sad if they're alone but you shouldn't. Be thankful you're here and enjoy yourself.