Vanity: Worst Baby Names

11/26/01

[Phantom Lord]

Alright, this is a total vanity. I didn't post it under "Breaking News" so relax.

My mother and aunts have been pestering my wife and I about when we are going to have children. Lately, we have taken to coming up with the worst possible names for babies and telling them we are considering names first. Well, they get real upset with some of them and even get angry with us for even considering them.

My mother in law is coming down for Christmas and it is inevitable that when she, my mother, and my aunts get together they will gang up on us about having kids. So, what I need from my fellow FReepers is a good list of really bad baby names to suggest to them as names we are considering. You help and creativity is greatly appreciated.

Oh, the last name is Terwilliger if that helps at all.

[GodBlessRonaldReagan]

A friend of mine worked for the bureau of vital records logging birth certificates. She swears a child named Listerine was born a few years ago. Then there's Monsanto Pope, a player for the Miami Hurricanes.

[Physicist]

Post #209. I'm way ahead of you...or is that "beneath you"?

[Captainpaintball]

Worst muslim name: Kareem Puff or (Ahma Takalik)

How 'bout Kareem of Wheat?

[SerpentDove]

Chase!!! YUCCCKKK!!!

Named after a kids' game.

[Darth Reagan]

You might want to avoid (or threaten your inlaws with) these names which will be popular after The Fellowship of the Ring is released.

Frodo
Bilbo
Meriadoc (Merry)
Peregrin (Pippin)
Aragorn
Legolas
Boromir
Strider
Galadriel
Celeborn
Elrond
Gandalf
Denethor
Theoden (I actually like that one)
Saruman
Sauron
Gimli
Samwise
Gollum
Smeagol

[Tennessee_Bob]

Kind of like the Asswipe (azz WE pay) family on SNL a few years back....

[Mr. Bungle]

"Max Power." Gotta be Max Power.

Homer (Max Power): There's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way AND the Max Power way.

Bart: Um, dad, isn't that just the wrong way?

Homer: Yeah, but a lot faster.

[LaBradford22]

All the trendy names that baby boomers are using now are bad. If your name is Sitting Bull and your wife's name is Sweet Bear, then it's okay to name your kid Lakota, or Phoenix, or Cherokee. But if your name is William and your wife's name is Mary, then your kid's name should be James.

[Fulbright]

Horace and Cletus have to be two of the worst. I have a friend who named his son Chester (b. 1995), a real antique. They say they will name their next boy Otto.

Life is tough enough without having this kind of stuff to deal with.

[Constitution Day]

I guess you are ahead of me... damn!

Hey, don't you have some physics-type stuff to do today? 8^)

[Tall_Texan]

Been a lot of fun reading this. Try these:

Horace or Gladys, particularly if you pronounce the last syllable "ass".

Geraldo.

Hortense. Brunhilda. And my favorite name for a fat woman - Flotilla.

Willard Terwilliger.

Jesus (even if you pronounce it in Spanish).

Blaise. Arturo. DiCaprio.

Many years ago, the Eagles had a runner named Po James. When asked how he got the name, Po said "because when I was born, that's what we was - po."

And if you're still stuck - two easy hints: Go to the NOAA website and look up hurricane names. Or go to the local stripper bar and listen to the DJ introduce the (ahem) dancers. Little baby Exotica will hate you for it.

[Grammy]

How about Wilhelm (nicknamed Willy) Terwilliger for a boy? My great grandmother was named Izora.

[stainlessbanner]

My middle name is Wayne and I've never been in the pokey. Funny thing, though, my old bossman's mid. name was Wayne and he saw the inside of many jails.....LOL!

[bwteim]

Antwan Terwilliger

Boutros Boutros Terwilliger

Newfart Homey Terwilliger

I guess Taschonda Taschonda Twerwilleger or TeSchlonga TeSchlonga (for a strapping young boy) are spoken for???

[NewHampshireDuo]

ATHOL TERWILLIGER for a boy has a nice ring to it.

[Darth Reagan]

Whatever happened to the good old names I grew up with? Paul, Larry, Doug, Mark, Mike, Steve, Sally, Mary, Janet, Doris, Kevin, Joe.... Now its Josh, Jordan, Justin, Steven, Carson, Caitlin, Medley, Madison, etc... You can't just call a kid Joe, Mike or Steve anymore. It has to be Joseph, Michael or Steven

Named my son Jack. How's that?

[RetiredArmy]

Just don't name him William Jefferson "Bill" anything.

[Constitution Day]

Thanks!

I actually know kids with those names... scary!

[smorgle]

Worst for a girl: Nutritia

Worst with Terwilliger:
Willie/Millie/Billie
Wanda
Gertie
Chastity
Torvald
Birdie
Nellie
Lillith
Buster (as in 'She does that again, I'm gonna Buster Terwilliger!')
Caesar (see under 'Buster')
Tiger

"Best" all around: Snert

Once saw a guy in a phone book named Guido Cat. And it was on this very forum I learned that Johnnie Cochran's brother was named Ralonzo Phelectron. You wish I was making this up.

[NewHampshireDuo]

I like it. If you have a girl you should name her Jill