Clinton Receives Salmonella

CNN | WJCLINTON

[Fearless Flyers]

He got himself in the news.

[Atticus]

John King better hope someone doesn't put anthrax in his Clinton knee pads. He is the biggest Clinton butt kisser of all time. He treated the bombing of the Aspirin factory in Sudan as if it was the Cuban Missle Crisis, complete with black and white still photos of Clinton wearing his granny reading glasses in the oval office planning the mission while simultaneously preparing for his grand jury testimony.

[blam]

"This may have come from his close friends in the 'Chicken' Business."

Yup. The first thing that popped into my mind was Tyson.

[cake_crumb]

True. I hadn't thought yet about the probable reaction from an already nervous public. It would be typical Clinton to try to call attention to himself this way, with total lack of regard for public sentiment.

Still, the fact that he had eggs or whatever in vials is really fascinting. How many people store food in vials? Or did the HazMat team put the stuff in vials?

[gridlock]

Breaking News: Twelve more postal workers in Washington DC area facilities diagnosed with inhalation Anthrax. But HILLARY! is safe. That is all.

[Terriergal]

...who's this Sam O'Nella guy ?

No, it's Salman Allah, Clinton's new bed buddy.

[gopwhit]

FOOD SPOILAGE TABLE

THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already.

MAYONNAISE
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, then the mayonnaise is spoiled.

FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled - (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

MEAT
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled. If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to leave the neighborhood, the meat is really spoiled.

LETTUCE
Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet.

CANNED GOODS
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a basketball should be disposed of. Carefully.

CARROTS
A carrot with which you can tie a clove hitch is not fresh.

WINE
It should not taste like salad dressing.

POTATOES
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

CHIP DIP
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.

[okie_tech]

Are rotton eggs terrorist weapons now?

[wasp69]

Sure they didn't mean Sam and Ella?

[linn37]

proof that even if the names sounds female he'll do it

[okie_tech]

LOL!!!

[Slyfox]

John King on CNN has this as breaking news..... Salmonella received in Clinton's Harlem office...

Clinton on the phone last weekend:

Hey, Don, it's Bill, how you doing? This Osama thing has me really chaffed. He's getting more facetime than me. What can you send me that will make it look like I am being targeted, too? Now, I don't want anything that could kill me or anything, just something that sounds bad enough to kill.

Salmonella? That sounds real bad. I like it. When can you send it? Uh, yeah. Can you send it by Thursday? Early morning so it can get on the news? You know, drivetime. That'd be great.

I knew I'd be able to count on you. How are you liking retirement from the chicken business? Uh, huh. Me? Well, I've been traveling a lot. Yeah, pretty much the same schedule as my last job. A few less perks but the money is REAL good. At least I don't have to check in with The Senator every night.

Ah, geez, look at the time it's 4:00 am here. Thanks, Don. I knew you'd come through for me.

[MarkWar]

Loose lips sink ships.
Loose slips show hips.

Please ink moose lips.

Mark W.

[GenXFreedomFighter]

This smells like a Terry McAwful brainstorm. Look for more "More Salmonella On My Hamburger Please" ads from the DNC.

[antivenom]

Hell...someone finally sent him some chicken lips...and they rotted in the mail...damn.

[rightwingextremist1776]

Was Clinton sent a vile of salmonella or was the salmonella sent a vile Clinton?

[freebilly]

Was the salmonella sent to him attached to an intern?

[Aeronaut]

The vials were delivered to Cllinton's office..."

Well, there you go. He has an office in Harlem. That doesn't mean he goes there.

[zip]

This could be the most pathetic attempt at getting in the news.
Even though most people will think of your reply as tongue-in-cheek, my first reaction was "it's probably the truth". The Klitoons will try anything to be included in the current events .

[pabianice]

That'll teach him to accept mail from Hillary.