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Here Are 24 Alternate Names For U.S. Army Forts And Military Bases
The Federalist ^ | June 11, 2020 | Anominous

Posted on 06/11/2020 3:30:33 PM PDT by Kaslin

President Donald Trump on Wednesday said he “will not even consider” renaming military bases like Fort Hood or Fort Bragg. But perhaps it is still worth considering the possibilities of offering recruits more truth in advertising via modern names. The following suggestions were sent in to us at The Federalist as potential solutions for this thorny problem:

Fort I Just Wanted Tuition Assistance

Fort 100% Promotion Rate

Fort 24% Interest Rate On A Camaro

Fort Distract Everyone With New Uniforms

Fort We’ve Been Using The Same Small Arms For Fifty Years But The Navy Needs A New Carrier

Fort Don’t Want To Repeat Vietnam So Let’s Repeat Vietnam

Fort Tommy Franks Was An Idiot

Fort Bush Should Have Mined The Passages To Pakistan From Tora Bora

Fort Worthless Training Exercise

Fort VA Disability Claims

Fort Your Parts For Your Humvee Will Arrive In 6 Months

Fort Paula Broadwell’s Push Up Regimen Is Very Hard

Fort Act Like We Have Something To Train For, Then Do Equipment Inventories Instead

Fort Why Do Sergeant Majors Even Exist

Fort The General Is Getting A Sweet Gig With Lockheed Next Month

Fort Always Ready, At 40% Of Authorized Strength

Fort Unsustainable Cash Hemorrhage

Fort Two Advil Should Fix That Right Up

Fort PFC Numbnuts Married That Chick He Just Met Last Friday

Fort Fix PTSD On Your Own Time

Fort 35 Year Old Private With 6 Kids

Fort Are We Really Changing Uniforms Again?

Fort No, Seriously, Tommy Franks Really Blew It

Fort No That’s The Wrong Form Come Back Monday When We Are Closed


TOPICS: Foreign Affairs; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: alarmism; army; forts; general; military; navy; satire; tommyfranks; trump; vietnam
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1 posted on 06/11/2020 3:30:33 PM PDT by Kaslin
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To: Kaslin

Fort Lost in the Woods?

Oh wait...taken.


2 posted on 06/11/2020 3:31:57 PM PDT by 2banana (Common ground with islamic terrorists-they want to die for allah and we want to arrange the meeting)
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To: Kaslin
Here Are 24 Alternate Names For U.S. Army Forts And Military Bases

Morons. They are the sort to think "gay" wedding cakes are about "cake."

It's not about cake. It's about forcing you to comply with their diktats.

3 posted on 06/11/2020 3:33:31 PM PDT by DiogenesLamp ("of parents owing allegiance to no other sovereignty.")
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To: Kaslin
Fort 35 Year Old Private With 6 Kids

Jim Nabors quit Gomer Pyle because he thought he was too old for the part.

4 posted on 06/11/2020 3:33:37 PM PDT by Tai_Chung
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To: Kaslin

Fort Where’s All The Watermelon Slices.


5 posted on 06/11/2020 3:34:29 PM PDT by Liz ( Our side has 8 trillion bullets; the other side doesn't know which bathroom to use. http://www.fr)
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To: DiogenesLamp
Okay, I didn't realize it was tongue in cheek. I just wanted to make the point that if you give in to the left, they simply move the goal posts further, and demand you give in some more.
6 posted on 06/11/2020 3:34:35 PM PDT by DiogenesLamp ("of parents owing allegiance to no other sovereignty.")
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To: Kaslin

Fort Officers wasting their time with soldiers not paying child support
and
Fort Sargent getting new recruits pregnant

and the always exciting

Fort 19 years olds buying $40,000 Harley’s and losing it to repo


7 posted on 06/11/2020 3:35:58 PM PDT by EC Washington
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To: DiogenesLamp

I’m good with renaming at least one of them W.T.Sherman...


8 posted on 06/11/2020 3:38:33 PM PDT by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
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To: Kaslin

Fort Lobotomy?


9 posted on 06/11/2020 3:40:43 PM PDT by fwdude (Poverty is nearly always a mindset, which canÂ’t be cured by cash)
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To: Tai_Chung

New Names:
1. Fort Hillary
2. Fort Obama
3. Fort Benedictine Arnold
4. Fort Tom Arnold
5. Fort Courage (F Troop)
6. Fort Sitting Bull
7. Fort Nat Turner
8. Fort Jubilation T. Cornpone (”First in war, first in peace and the first to say I quit”)
9. Fort Tom Mix
10. Fort Cuomo


10 posted on 06/11/2020 3:41:25 PM PDT by Forward the Light Brigade (Into the Jaws of H*ll Onward! Ride to the sound of the guns!)
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To: Kaslin

L8r


11 posted on 06/11/2020 3:42:23 PM PDT by preacher ( Journalism no longer reports news, they use news to shape our society.)
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To: tet68
I’m good with renaming at least one of them W.T.Sherman...

It would never fly. It will be immediately pointed out how many Indians he killed. Doomed from the start.

12 posted on 06/11/2020 3:42:39 PM PDT by DiogenesLamp ("of parents owing allegiance to no other sovereignty.")
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To: Kaslin

Fort Diversity.

Fort Inclusiveness.

Fort United Nations.

Fort Dumb Downed Standards.


13 posted on 06/11/2020 3:44:09 PM PDT by Responsibility2nd (Click my screen name for an analysis on how HIllary wins next November.)
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To: DiogenesLamp

Fort Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse.


14 posted on 06/11/2020 3:46:49 PM PDT by Ciexyz (Prayers for America.)
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To: Kaslin

Fort No perfumed princes here.


15 posted on 06/11/2020 3:47:11 PM PDT by sauropod (Quarantine is when you restrict sick people, tyranny is when you restrict healthy people.)
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To: Forward the Light Brigade
Isn't Fort Swampy the base in the comic strip Beetle Bailey? I don't know if the army has an actual base with that name.
16 posted on 06/11/2020 3:47:46 PM PDT by Verginius Rufus
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To: Kaslin

Fort Dolly Madison and Martha Washington.


17 posted on 06/11/2020 3:48:53 PM PDT by Ciexyz (Prayers for America.)
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To: DiogenesLamp

Fort Fix PTSD On Your Own Time...

That one’s only half funny to me. I follow the vets with TBI online and a lot of them definitely have this.

But as applies to the snowflake 20 something non vets? Yeah it’s funny.


18 posted on 06/11/2020 3:49:00 PM PDT by dp0622 (The very future of tis she the onehe Republic is at stake. We now know dems will do ANYTHING to win.)
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To: Kaslin

Fort Fart


19 posted on 06/11/2020 3:50:14 PM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: Kaslin

Given that my first experience with grits (grew up in suburban Boston) was at Fort Knox I’d like to see it renamed Fort Grits.


20 posted on 06/11/2020 3:50:42 PM PDT by Gay State Conservative (The Rats Just Can't Get Over The Fact That They Lost A Rigged Election!)
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