Here Are 24 Alternate Names For U.S. Army Forts And Military Bases

The Federalist ^ | June 11, 2020 | Anominous

[Kaslin]

President Donald Trump on Wednesday said he “will not even consider” renaming military bases like Fort Hood or Fort Bragg. But perhaps it is still worth considering the possibilities of offering recruits more truth in advertising via modern names. The following suggestions were sent in to us at The Federalist as potential solutions for this thorny problem:

Fort I Just Wanted Tuition Assistance

Fort 100% Promotion Rate

Fort 24% Interest Rate On A Camaro

Fort Distract Everyone With New Uniforms

Fort We’ve Been Using The Same Small Arms For Fifty Years But The Navy Needs A New Carrier

Fort Don’t Want To Repeat Vietnam So Let’s Repeat Vietnam

Fort Tommy Franks Was An Idiot

Fort Bush Should Have Mined The Passages To Pakistan From Tora Bora

Fort Worthless Training Exercise

Fort VA Disability Claims

Fort Your Parts For Your Humvee Will Arrive In 6 Months

Fort Paula Broadwell’s Push Up Regimen Is Very Hard

Fort Act Like We Have Something To Train For, Then Do Equipment Inventories Instead

Fort Why Do Sergeant Majors Even Exist

Fort The General Is Getting A Sweet Gig With Lockheed Next Month

Fort Always Ready, At 40% Of Authorized Strength

Fort Unsustainable Cash Hemorrhage

Fort Two Advil Should Fix That Right Up

Fort PFC Numbnuts Married That Chick He Just Met Last Friday

Fort Fix PTSD On Your Own Time

Fort 35 Year Old Private With 6 Kids

Fort Are We Really Changing Uniforms Again?

Fort No, Seriously, Tommy Franks Really Blew It

Fort No That’s The Wrong Form Come Back Monday When We Are Closed

[2banana]

Fort Lost in the Woods?

Oh wait...taken.

[DiogenesLamp]

Here Are 24 Alternate Names For U.S. Army Forts And Military Bases

Morons. They are the sort to think "gay" wedding cakes are about "cake."

It's not about cake. It's about forcing you to comply with their diktats.

[Tai_Chung]

Fort 35 Year Old Private With 6 Kids

Jim Nabors quit Gomer Pyle because he thought he was too old for the part.

[Liz]

Fort Where’s All The Watermelon Slices.

[DiogenesLamp]

Okay, I didn't realize it was tongue in cheek. I just wanted to make the point that if you give in to the left, they simply move the goal posts further, and demand you give in some more.

[EC Washington]

Fort Officers wasting their time with soldiers not paying child support
and
Fort Sargent getting new recruits pregnant

and the always exciting

Fort 19 years olds buying $40,000 Harley’s and losing it to repo

[tet68]

I’m good with renaming at least one of them W.T.Sherman...

[fwdude]

Fort Lobotomy?

[Forward the Light Brigade]

New Names:
1. Fort Hillary
2. Fort Obama
3. Fort Benedictine Arnold
4. Fort Tom Arnold
5. Fort Courage (F Troop)
6. Fort Sitting Bull
7. Fort Nat Turner
8. Fort Jubilation T. Cornpone (”First in war, first in peace and the first to say I quit”)
9. Fort Tom Mix
10. Fort Cuomo

[preacher]

L8r

[DiogenesLamp]

I’m good with renaming at least one of them W.T.Sherman...

It would never fly. It will be immediately pointed out how many Indians he killed. Doomed from the start.

[Responsibility2nd]

Fort Diversity.

Fort Inclusiveness.

Fort United Nations.

Fort Dumb Downed Standards.

[Ciexyz]

Fort Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse.

[sauropod]

Fort No perfumed princes here.

[Verginius Rufus]

Isn't Fort Swampy the base in the comic strip Beetle Bailey? I don't know if the army has an actual base with that name.

[Ciexyz]

Fort Dolly Madison and Martha Washington.

[dp0622]

Fort Fix PTSD On Your Own Time...

That one’s only half funny to me. I follow the vets with TBI online and a lot of them definitely have this.

But as applies to the snowflake 20 something non vets? Yeah it’s funny.

[dfwgator]

Fort Fart

[Gay State Conservative]

Given that my first experience with grits (grew up in suburban Boston) was at Fort Knox I’d like to see it renamed Fort Grits.