Posted on 02/23/2019 10:08:55 AM PST by knighthawk
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a statement to D.C. police given Tuesday, senator and presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren claimed that two men in colonial outfits accosted her on the street and assaulted her with smallpox-infected blankets.
Warren claimed she was simply on her evening walk with her favorite peyote blend when the two men leaped out of the bushes, fired a round, spent several minutes reloading their muzzle-loading rifles, fired again, and then hollered "battle cries" as they hurled smallpox-infested blankets at her.
"The men fired muskets at me, threw several blankets infested with smallpox in my general direction, and told me this was colonial country," she said, holding back tears. "They told me to go back to my reservation and that I wasn't welcome here."
According to Warren, the men stuck a feather in her hair and then called her "macaroni" before dancing around her in a mock Native American rain dance.
"It is just despicable to me that in 2019 a woman can still be targeted for lynching because of her .0001% Indian heritage," she said in a press conference. "This is Trump's America, people."
Police quickly poked holes in Warren's story, such as the fact that she never dropped her peace pipe throughout the ordeal and that she left the smallpox blankets and mock Indian headdress on herself as she walked to the police department to make her statement.
Laugh of the day, thank you!
That is pretty good, enjoyed it.
The BEE. Next she’ll say someone dressed like Mohatma Ghandi accosted her. ;-)
(Snicker, snicker)
Ha! This is the funniest thing I’ve read from the BB. ILTIS
LOL!
Great stuff.
One of the charges will be the plagiarism of a script. Also, I think, the violation of an ordinance that forbids street theater.
Lizzie only sucked on an empty bottle and that was not even her kitchen, with the Negro figurine eating watermelon.
Any woman I know who likes beer pours it into a glass.
They were only throwing the blankets at 1/1024th of her.
Writer should have used the /s tag.
This is awesome. Not usually a fan of these kind of things, but the headline is great, and the story itself is really good as well.
I hope the check clears. Did the colonials fly back to Siberia after the attack?
And this is my Cheshire Cat face............:-)
“Any woman I know who likes beer pours it into a glass.”
Yep, that’s what I do. ‘Cause otherwise there isn’t enough room for a shot of bourbon.
Back in colonial days, they wore “Make America Great” hats, since America had not yet become great. Wonder if they were wearing them?
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