Posted on 07/24/2018 11:14:28 AM PDT by servo1969
I love women. Not in the social justice warrioresque "We must praise women as strong, capable CEOS and STEM graduates who can do anything men can do, but in heels" way, but in an old-school way. It's easy to respect a mother who watches out for her children, a wife who is loyal to her husband, or a sister who cares for her brother. I love a beautiful woman. I love a sexy woman. I love a woman who gives off that amazing feminine energy. As a man, being around a woman like that is just good for your spirit.
All that being said, this is not about the more wonderful traits of women. To the contrary, it's the kind of warning about women that fathers used to give their sons, but that's frowned upon today. You see, in our society we can hammer home the faults of men until they become stereotypes, but we're not supposed to point out the similarly damaging, but often very different flaws of women that young men need to worry about.
I think lions are extraordinarily beautiful and powerful creatures, but I also know if you make a wrong move around one, you can lose an arm. Women are much the same. They are magnificent but dangerous and since men pursue them, they need to understand what they're getting into.
Men don't like to admit this, but the first thing they think about when it comes to women is beauty. Not only are we drawn to it, but it's a status symbol. When a man has an attractive woman, other men think more of him. In fact, it can become such a powerful draw that some men put beauty first and second -- and whatever comes third doesn't matter. This is a mistake if you plan to be with her beyond a date or three because beauty fades for all of us, but it fades faster and harder for women. Moreover, beauty in and of itself only attracts for so long. As the old saying goes, "No matter how good she looks, someone out there is tired of her sh*t." Point being, make sure you judge a woman on a lot more than beauty alone because the time is going to come when one way or the other, that beauty is going to fade in your eyes.
Men tend to be famously ruthless about relationships a few dates in when women fall for them way too early and the men only care about sex. On the other hand, women tend to be much more ruthless than men when a relationship is ending. This is hard for a lot of men to believe because they can't imagine the sweet, uplifting, nurturing woman they were in a relationship with is taking them to the cleaners in divorce court or using their kids as a bargaining chip after the divorce.
Women tend to put the same kind of emphasis on status that men put on beauty. That doesn't mean it's the end all and be all of everything, but it does mean status is a lot more important to women than it is to men. What that means is that as a man, if you ever stop performing at the level your woman is accustomed to, you may lose her regardless of everything else. Lose your job, get demoted, take a big pay cut, lose your moxie somehow and women are much more likely to walk away than a man would be with a woman in the same situation. That doesn't mean it's a given, but it does mean that going backward in status as a man risks your relationship with a woman.
There are exceptions to every rule, but the most stable woman is as emotional as an unstable guy. Women are more emotional, more hormonal than men. Women are, at best, more tolerant of drama than men and at worst, they seek it out. They will become upset for no good reason, act irrationally, and are more prone to things like anxiety than men. The point of this is not "women are unstable and bad," it's that women are very different in this area and you need to be ready to deal with it. At times there's going to be crying, no matter what you do. At times, your girlfriend / lover / wife is going to become angry at you even though you've done nothing wrong. Wise men learn that there are times to ignore things women say rather than get in a fight because ten minutes later, their mood will improve. To men who aren't used to it, all of this can be freaky, but it can also help keep things fresh and exciting once you learn to navigate it.
If your woman is stronger than you, she may still date you. She may love you. She may even marry you one day. However, on a fundamental level, she will not be able to respect you if you are not strong and competent enough to lead her. Women don't want to be the ones who make all the decisions and wear the pants in the family and if you force her to do that, it will wear on her and she will come to resent you. How will that resentment play out? At best, probably unhappiness and at worst, cheating, divorce or contempt that's so bad that you wish you were divorced. I'm not telling you to be a jerk, but I am telling you that if you are not a stronger person than your woman, you will ultimately be sorry.
That's generally good advice. I'd like to add some things from the perspective of a woman who loves men in general, loves her husband and sons in particular, and who hopes to help other people to also know the joy of a good marriage.
In re: #1,
Beauty of character is the beauty that lasts. My husband still looks at my face through the eyes of love because I've never given him reason to do otherwise.
In re: #2, As a general rule, men fight straightforward and face-to-face. Women don't. We are subtle, nasty, and vindictive. This is biology. We get pregnant and have the care of nursing infants and/or small children. We can't just settle things with a boxing match so we compensate. A wise man doesn't over-react but remembers that women think differently about conflict.
In re: #3,
The status thing matters because once we settle down to raise kids with you our status depends entirely on yours. But remember, there are different kinds of status. Your job isn't the only thing. My DH is "only" a landscape/maintenance guy. But he's also tech staff at our church, known in our community for being willing to help people when they need him, and incredibly good with his hands at both carpentry and crafts. A man doesn't have to be a company CEO to be respected. But he has to do more than just sit on his backside and he can't be a whiner.
In re: #4,
All too true. I'm probably about as stable as women come, but very, very few men (at least real men, not the damaged, SJW snowflake types), will be significantly more volatile than I am. At least 60% of the women in the world drive me nuts with their emotionalism. Good luck, guys.
In re: #5,
This gets tricky because leadership, like status, comes in many shades and varieties. It takes a tremendous amount of strength and self-confidence for a man to love and partner a woman who excels him in worldly accomplishments, but I've known a number of loving and well-paired couples like that. In all such cases the man in question may not have been as "successful" or "brilliant" in the eyes of the world as his wife was, but he was competent and confident in his own area of expertise and had his wife's respect for it. If you can do this, great. But beware the "brilliant" woman who thinks that she wants to control the relationship rather than have a partner. In fact, run from her as fast as you can.
Beauty is fleeting but cooking ability lasts a lifetime.
Most of what is considered beauty in our society is just youth, IMO.
RE: 1. Beauty fades
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” ( Proverbs 31:30)
We already knew that.
Hkmmmm.... sounds a bit like the common pit bull.
As a woman, I guess I have the freedom to say that I don’t know how men put up with us!
Always look first for medical issues.
My Mom is incredibly sweet and kind.
Then, she got Thyroid Cancer and became angry all the time.
After treatment, back to sweet and kind.
I married the sweetest person I ever met.
She got sick and it was awful until they got it under control.
Make sure the problem isn’t medical.
I laughed out loud at this (true) 5 points. My husband refused to comment ;)
Ouch - those are my good qualities.
Men are attracted to healthy, physically fit women in their prime child-bearing years. The composite of the above features is what we call "beauty".
More and more of us aren't.
When men act badly, they mess up your face or break your bones. When women act badly they destroy your life.
The comedic part is only the former lands you in prison, usually. :-D
I find older women more attractive. Just saying.
“5 Ugly Truths About Women That Young Men Need to Recognize”
That older men have found out the hard way,
1. Breasts are for feeding babies.
That is all...you are dismissed.
Interesting article and responses.
Reminds me in a way of the lyrics of a catchy 60s song by Jimmy Soul.
“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he marries her then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart
But if you make an ugly woman your wife
You’ll be happy for the rest of your life
An ugly woman cooks meals on time
She’ll always give you peace of mind
Don’t let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don’t match
Take it from me, she’s a better catch
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you.”
I have been fortunate in that I have have had (have) two wives (lost the first to a disease years ago) who were (are) attractive inside as they are outside. One friend’ s spouse more matches the song, and she is one delightful and wonderful to be around person.
So, in the long run, good beats beautiful. If you’ve got both, thank God.
Just sayin’.
bookmark
They are all nuts, Jim.
Men find women attractive who are strong and smart. Unfortunately I prefer women who are weak and stupid.
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