The men you describe as “marriage prospects” risk the most; too many young men have seen that type ending up paying for some other guys to live with their ex-wives and children...
Ping!
Understand. But I look beyond the article. I look at the venue and where they’ve been. And, with their disastrous “Against Trump” revelation issue and their list of 20 odd clay Conservative writers they pretty much cemented my opinion of that whole outlet for news, commentary and/or opinion.
Frankly, I don’t give a rat’s patootie what the NR, its writers or anyone connected with it has to say. I’m tired of seeing their pathetic rehabilitative articles here on FR, actually.
I just sent the article to my 37 year old unmarried son. It has not yet occurred to him that he is running out of options. He says he wants to marry and have kids but hasn’t found the right woman yet. sigh
For a moment let’s ignore the religious and moral reasons. Marriage for man gives him what, in our present culture, that he can’t get without it? The traditional thinking would be to get married for love, sex, companionship. Today, the women give that away before marriage.
But unlike 50 years ago, the state has come in and said the marriage vows until death do you part are not a real thing. No matter what the two said on their wedding day. Thus marriage has become a contract with the state. A contract that typically has the man come out of a divorce significantly worse for wear. The family courts and law are simply biased against men. The soon to be ex-wife can accuse the husband of hitting her or abusing the kids. She will get him arrested on her word alone and a restraining order will soon follow kicking him out of his own home. Then he will proceed to lose half his assets and pay child support and possibly alimony. He will suffer all of this even if he didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe his wife just got bored. Maybe she is having an affair. It doesn’t matter, the marriage is over just because one party wants it to be over. And women initiate the divorce 70% of the time.
So the logical thing to do is weigh the pros and cons of getting married. The pros don’t really exist in our modern culture as all the old benefits of marriage can be attained by simply dating. The cons are terrible.
Now if you add in the religious and moral reasons to get married things get more complicated. Where are all the good women? The ones that haven’t been ridden around the block a half dozen times already? What do today’s women actually bring to the table that is worth the risk of a divorce? Obviously men are making that answer clear by delaying marriage later and later.....these women increasingly do not exist.
Oh we were young and dumb when we got married thirty years ago. Not much money but two college degrees and a lot of love. Patience on his part coupled with passion on mine. Our son is now happily married and we hope understands marriage is a covenant with God at the head. It’s work. It’s forgiveness. It’s compromise. It’s selflessness. It’s being the rock for the other when bad news arrives ( which we got yesterday).
I’ve said it before: in a world of seven billion+ people, if you have one that is committed to loving you...treat him or her like gold and “grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel”
Half of all marriages end in heartache, disaffection and economic ruin. The other half end in divorce.
Marry a good woman, be a good husband, build a good family, be a good father.
There is nothing sweeter.
I know several fairly successful single men in their 30s that will likely never get married. The main reasons more men aren’t marrying is 3 fold 1) Quality of women has gone down 2) Divorce is nearly 1 in 2 and overwhelmingly initiated by women and 3) Divorce rape. If my wife left me now after our 10 years of marriage, I’d be paying ~$60k a year in alimony for the rest of my life even with 0 kids. Absolutely crazy. Fortunately, I don’t see us ever divorcing, but if I was making this kind of money as a single guy, I’d probably skip getting married or at least have the most iron clad pre-nup on the planet.
I feel sorry for them. They will miss that special intimacy that only married couples can enjoy.
There is no perfect man or woman. But if you love each other, you learn to forgive each others foibles.
As a long married man, I think this is weird to look at. Marriage, if it works, is great. I recommend everyone be in a working marriage.
Marriage, if it does not work, is terrible to someone who has something to lose. If you have a job, children, money, you will lose a large chunk of it, regardless of whether you are a man or a women. People that go into marriage as something that may end, are foolish. And the people who marry someone who is not committed completely to the marriage are foolish.
Usually losers go through several marriages. Or they are not really married. If you have a prenub, you don’t really have a marriage. It can turn into a marriage. It can simulate a marriage but it is not based on two people spending their lives together with all the struggles that life entails.
I will never get married again.
Nope.
For what it is worth, I still discriminate based on people having two parents, four grandparents, eight great grandparents, 16 great great grandparents, etc., and knowing who they were. It correlates well with good genes and culture. But it is getting hard to find...
Marriage requires:
1. commitment
2. honesty
3. communication
4. forgiveness
5. humility
6. perseverance
7. self sacrifice
8. unity of spirit
Most of the traits set forth above are no longer instilled into our children by society
They believe that it will be like the romance scenes portrayed by Hollywood. Look at the stupid movie stars they go through spouses like I go through underwear.
Article is complete bunk:
“About 42 percent of first marriages end in divorce. Most divorces are initiated by women. This means that many men who marry will end up unwillingly divorced. These men obviously don’t realize much of a return on their investments in married life.”
If you end up divorced, then it’s a complete disaster for men:
“Too many men have been driven beyond bitterness, to violence, murder and suicide XE “suicide” by the unfairness of divorce to even begin to list them all. A few of their stories are related below:
Last Will and Testament of A.T. Renouf of Canada (verbatim):
“Last Friday my bank account was garnished. I was left with a total of $00.43 in the bank. At this time I have rent and bills to pay which would come to somewhere approaching $1,500 to $1,800. Since my last pay was direct deposited on Friday I now have no way of supporting myself. I have no money for food or for gas for my car to enable me to work...
“I have tried talking to the Family Support people... Their answer was: ‘we have a court order.’ I have tried talking to the welfare people in Markham, since I earned over $520 in the last month I am not eligible for assistance.
“I have had no contact with my daughter in approx. 4 years. I do not even know if she is alive and well... I have no family and no friends, very little food, no viable job and very poor future prospects. I have therefore decided that there is no further point in continuing my life. It is my intention to... feed the car exhaust into the car, take some sleeping pills...
“I would have preferred to die with more dignity.
“It is my last will and testament that this letter be published for all to see and read.”
A.T. Renouf signed his will on the day he committed suicide, Oct. 16, 1995. “
Marriage Risk is not worth the reward.
If the recent women’s march was a display of the kind of woman men are meeting these days, then I can see why they’re opting to stay single.
Why would a family of $75000 want to be married when the man can make $45000 and not pay taxes and his ‘girlfriend’ can file her $30000 separately, claim all welfare benefits, and get $1000 a month in government assistance?
I am unmarried and not the least bit upset by this article. I have watched all the men in my family generation get screwed by divorce. I have seen a majority of men I work with get divorced. The divorce was painful but they are all happier. Who in their right mind would place such a significant wager on a 50-50 outcome?
Closing on 60, I would say that marriage is not as necessary as before. It was a good way to raise kids but if my wife leaves me or dies, I am not going to remarry. I find that my friends are sufficient for companionship and marriage has taught me that you can learn to live without sex :)
If I decide to go to Alaska for a week, I can always find someone to go with me. That is more difficult if you are married and your wife won’t go, especially if the other person is a woman.
I am going to an island in May with my friends, some of whom I dated before I married. My wife would rather be boiled than go.
Is it possible some adultery might happen? No. Everyone is smart enough to know that would ruin the relationships so it stays off the table.
It amazing how cheap a vacation can be when you split it 10 ways. But I am a nearly 60 year-old millionaire who sleeps on a couch (my roommate snores)