Posted on 12/28/2016 5:01:29 AM PST by God luvs America
WESTON – In a startling development for the Rock n Roll community, world famous Rolling Stones guitarist and songwriter Keith Richards was found alive on Wednesday. Crew members said they found his animated body sitting beside an amp, picking at a guitar and murmuring some incomprehensible melody. Shocked but elated, the roadies took Richards back to the dressing rooms and covered his old broken body with designer scarves and skull rings.
“It’s astounding” said longtime Rolling Stones roadie Steve Kruger, “to find him in this state is…well, it’s unexpected to say the least.” Richards, the grizzly-faced guitarist long thought to be the most likely person on the planet to next kick the bucket, was noodling on a 5-string fender when he was found miraculously still conscious. “At first I thought it was some 200-year old giant turtle that crawled in here, or a wrinkly sack of potatoes with somebody inside,” recalled Kruger. “But no! There he was, strumming away on a few opening chords to ‘Start Me Up.’ What I was seeing looked awful, but unmistakable. When I realized it was Keith, I thought it might be one of those holograms like they created for Michael Jackson and 2Pac at Bonnaroo music fest a few years back. But then I touched him and he screamed ‘what the hell do you want!?’, and I knew.”
In his autobiography (a great read, btw) he tells of his marriage and his discussions with his Christian brother in law, who IIRC, is a pastor or missionary.
He also gives his recipe for shepherd’s pie.
He’s apparently a bit of an avid metal detectorist too, you might find him waving a coil out there someday! :-)
In 2000-3000 years some archeologist is going to dig up Richards perfectly drug preserved corpse and marvel at our societies amazing preservation techniques. The fact the body is so perfectly preserved will be proof that this being was obviously a king and revered as a demigod.
I’ve heard another theory: Keith Richards actually died several years ago, but his body hasn’t quite gotten the message yet. It’s just his preserved, alcohol-pickled corpse still moving around.
His wrinkles have wrinkles!
I’m going to learn how to play electric guitar this year, before it’s too late.
He lived through 1916..........2016 should be a breeze......
10 years ago he fell out of a palm tree in Fiji. Had to cancel a tour. He is very lucky. Or very tough. Or some combination thereof...
He will join the 270 club.
Rolling Stone interviewed him many years ago. Before his serious concussion in Fiji.
He was drinking his favorite drink (Nuclear Waste, a little Tang in his vodka, no ice) and chain smoking.
He stated that his father set the standard for the partying the Stones did through the years. And, that until he died he traveled with them on every tour.
He died in his mid nineties.
I just saw a short interview with him on their new AND EXCELLENT album Blue and Lonesome. He was drinking Nuclear Waste and chain smoking.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aHpFAujp7Y
The superb album:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DN9XJ0Kn2WE&list=PLiKVkJ-kh-0EXlp3w0uEomJXBgSGkwte8
I remember that. Keith avoided serious injury by landing on his head. He’s the Chuck Norris of longevity.
Keith Richards is proof that zombies actually exist!
If we ever end up with a nuclear wasteland, at least Keith will be around to study the cockroaches...
Well, one of those three will help me :)
He’s also taught scientists they have a LONG way to go in understanding illness and genetics.
Don’t forget total blood transfusions and snorting dead relatives’ cremated ashes.
Actually, he’s probably mastered the trifecta of preservatives.
Drugs-—derived from herbs, maintains you in a mummified state of equilibrium.
Alcohol-—pickles you.
Smoking-—smokes your meat, turns you into walking beef jerky.
He probably eats lotsa junk food, too. Those are full of preservatives.
I believe he mentioned that house in his autobio. Bought it for about $80k decades ago. Bet it’s worth a bit more now, eh?
The Grim Reaper showed up to Keith’s house, but Keith invited him in for a drink, and he got too drunk to take him.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.