Posted on 01/07/2016 11:53:34 AM PST by EveningStar
Full title: Author Interview with Leonard Sax: The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups
Congratulations Leonard on your new book, The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups! Can you give us an overview of your book, and what your inspiration was in writing it?
(Excerpt) Read more at townhall.com ...
Am I the only one when I hear little boys referred to as “Little Man?” I just hate hearing people call their male children that.
The title is completely misleading.
The book begins with an overview of what I mean by the culture of disrespect. Its not just about kids being disrespectful to adults: its about kids being disrespectful to other kids, and to themselves. Disrespect for one another: its now common for kids to wear T-shirts that say things like Im not shy. I just dont like you. Disrespect even for themselves: hence the growing propensity of American teens to post photos of themselves in various states of undress. This new norm the casual obscenity of sexting would have been unthinkable even 20 years ago. Everybody does it is what kids tell me, with a shrug. Its not a big deal.
In other words kids are being allowed to conduct themselves in any manner they please e.g. Lord of the Flies. They are not being treated as adults they are being ignored and allowed to raise themselves.
When Parents Refuse to be Adults. fixed the title.
BTW. I removed all apostrophes, quotation marks, and dashes from the post and quotations cited in order to keep the garbage out.
I treated my kids in an adult manner. In other words they were expected to be courteous, respectful, responsible, etc. We never spoke to them in anything but adult language. They were expected to sit at any dinner table in a peaceful manner.
The problem is that those are not necessarily adult values anymore.
I think the problem is that children are treated as adults in all aspects, not as formative minors. One of the worst relationship dynamics is for an adult and his child to be “best friends.”
The worst are the sports parents who think their kids are D1 athletes. Unless your kid is the best player from that county in a generation, they are not going D1.
I agree. I teach my son adult reasoning and hold him to mature standards. If there is a problem it’s the people who didn’t have any parenting influencing children in a negative way. If my son hears bad language he turns off what he’s listening to and tells me about it. It’s almost like he’s helping me be a parent in a way...that can’t be bad.
Any grown up who tries to be best friends with a child is acting like a child. You have a 30 something child raising a true child.
The adults are not treating the kids as adults in all respects. No adult would be allowed to carry on as some of these children are allowed to carry on. The adults are ignoring the children’s behavior hoping that the children will teach themselves or learn from other children.
I also hate the best friend routine. I do not use it for my parents, spouse, siblings, or boss. I tell my wife you need a husband not a friend, my kids need a father not a friend, etc.
No child should be allowed to help parent that is bad. Ratting out others using bad language is not an adult skill. It sounds like your kid has already learned how to cater to your desires. Sounds to me like you have a very bright one on your hands hope your up to the challenge.
Children are not miniature adults. Their needs and capabilities are vastly different. So to expect them to behave as adults is not only irresponsible, it’s a pipe dream.
They need to be taught at their own level, and to have expectations set for them accordingly. Otherwise, they never get the chance to be just a child.
That said, their childhood needn’t last into their 20s and beyond. Nor is it a selective state, where they get all the indulgences that come with youth but refuse to accept the parental rule (and disenfranchisement) that go with it.
I made a big mistake with my son by expecting him to be an adult before he was ever a child. He and I have both paid dearly for my stupidity.
He was on with Dennis today. Interesting hour. (the 2-3PM EST hour) If you missed it, the whole 3 hour show replays from 3PM EST, to 12PM the next day. Replays of this particular hour are at 5PM, 8PM, 11PM. And the following day @ 2AM, 5AM, 8, AM 11AM...
When my son was born I confess I called him my little man. I suppose I owe you an apology. As to the thrust of the headline, without reading the article, I say, “Phooey.”
We wouldn’t be seeing little snowflakes throwing hissy-fits at university, getting participation trophies, and living at home until they’re thirty if we’d treat them less like children and do more to prepare them for adulthood. Heck, the notion of “teenage” itself is of relatively modern construction. Kids that age once had adult responsibilities and seem to have done just fine.
Our problem is that we are extending childhood far too long, not far too little.
“I tell my wife you need a husband not a friend,”
Wow. Must suck to be your wife.
Yes and no!
For the most part, you are correct, but it depends on the student and school.
My son attends an Independent School where 13 of 67 graduating seniors are playing D1 sports.
There are really four factors:
The students’ ability in that sport is obviously paramount.
The students’ academic credentials.
The schools’ reputation for producing quality all around students.
The students’ need for financial aid.
Quite a few of the students get picked to play D1 because they are all around good students and don’t require a full ride scholarship. The school can then spread that money around more widely.
We have had swimmers recruited to UCLA and tennis players go to Dartmouth who were State Champs. But going to Ohio State for golf or Miami University for hockey can be from the right mix of the above.
I heard it! That’s what made me look for this article! :)
You, sir, are a stellar example of a saner age. Such common sense is derided in today's PC, 'equality'-bound world. That's why your view is so refreshing.
The problem is both treating your children like adults and your grown children as small children.
A large portion of the problem is mass entertainment used as a babysitter. Beginning back in the 1960s and up through the 1980s, parents would do this because of lack of time due to needing two incomes in the household. Thanks feminism and Democrat economy!
It was mitigated somewhat by peer interaction in neighborhoods, though not nearly as much in generations past.
However, soon the mass entertainment babysitter became a self-perpetuating cycle, since the kids raised by TV didn’t know how to raise their own children and would set them in front of TVs and not interact a lot with them.
Fear of neighborhood abductions and other ghastly nearby crimes (hyped by, you guessed it, mass media) made parents keep their children inside, thereby cutting off the only mitigating factor against mass entertainment babysitting.
Finally, the computer age came about, and with it the death of childhood imagination, since the child could see any number of avatars representing himself or herself, doing things former generations had only dreamed of.
Then is when the proliferation of adults unable to function as adults, imagining themselves to be fanciful creatures among other things, began.
She is my wife because I am her husband. Being her friend would degrade our husband and wife relationship. Marriage is a God given and blessed institution refered to as “one flesh”. Marriage is way beyond friendship.
Thank you.
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