Posted on 12/09/2012 8:16:02 AM PST by TitansAFC
I am dealing with a woman who is willing to falsely accuse me of harassment and being a threat to abuse my children. She has used denying visitation of the children against me, and is doing so now by filing an Order of Protection based on false allegations, which denies me visitation until our court date later in December.
My current attorney, who was also my divorce attorney, is very passive. He has talked down any ideas I have come up with, and when I push for better advocacy from him, he is quick to mention that he will require another retain of such-and-such before he begins. In other words, he does not want to fight for me, and instead basically threatens me with costs to deter requests for any more aggressive representation. Every time she does something awful or accuses me of something awful, he talks it down calling it "pretty standard," implying it is no big deal. But each time around now, she gets bolder and does even worse.
I have depleted my funds through the divorce and legal fees. I am desperate for help. If any Freeper anywhere can help me or point me to someone who can, I beg you to do so. Please don't just send links to organizations; I am already trying those routes. What I am looking for is somebody who can really help.
Thank you for your attention
I’m not sure what advice to give, but my brother was in that same situation a few years ago, complete with the abuse allegations and the too-passive lawyer. He eventually won custody after the ex was found to be a compulsive liar.
One thing that did get things moving in my brother’s case was when our parents got their own attorney and sued for grandparents’ rights. That seemed to break his lawyer out of her passivity.
I think it also helped that the judge was a working mother and didn’t put up with any of the ex’s crap, but that’s kind of the luck of the draw.
I don’t think that is a good idea for two reasons: 1) Taking others in the meeting could likely be construed as waiving the attorney-client privilege and 2) you are still wasting money on that bozo. Get a new attorney.
bigbob, TitansAFC
Jeffrey Leving is VERY expensive and not especially good.
You have several problems in my opinion and you need to do certain things immediately.:
1) fire you present counselor, he is the one that enabled you to get where you are,
2) represent yourself pro se as it costs nothing but filing fees,
3) read and understand the divorce law statutes, they were written for a reason,
4) subpoena any witness who the wife may have shared here plan to slander you and get them under oath in the discovery process.
5) get character witnesses, your boss, church members, neighbors, her relatives that will vouch for you in writing in a deposition under oath.
6) record everything she says and make a make a written log with extensive notes of what occurs and when.
Those that say you can’t record a conversation with your spouse are wrong wrong wrong. There is a very special instance where a judge will listen to a tape record of your conversation, even one illegal in every; and that is to directly refute what some one claims in open court. For example, if you former spouse stated that on a certain date you swore and threatened her with bodily harm - you would ask the judge to listen to recording which directly contradicts what she said, in chambers. Their counsel will howl to the moon but the judge will be curious and has the absolute power to listen and will rule based upon what he hears.
Most important thing fight back do not let it just happen.
PS You should be able to get some friendly advice from a sympathetic attorney friend or acquaintance that can help you with the pro se filings.
You can sign me been there and done that.
>> Those that say you can’t record a conversation with your spouse are wrong wrong wrong.
It seems TitansAFC might be divorced at this point.
Not true not true.
There is an exception to the law if you are recording because you believe you are the victim of a crime.
Google Tiawanda Moore who was exonerated in Illinois last August for recording.
Also so my previous post, recordings can be used by a judge in chamber to impeach a witness sworn testimony.
that counts even with ex-spouse a) if you believe you are victim of a crime and b) to impeach sworn testimony.
You need a lawyer. Pay your lawyer. Lawyers have to put in a lot of time on orders of protection, sitting through the docket, maybe returning after the thing has been continued. Listen, it is not a matter of saying the right words, it is all about procedure and you don’t know it, can’t read the situation, feel for the weak points, etc. Your lawyer can’t work for free. Pay your lawyer before this thing is permanently on your record.
they can’t come in, or the attorney client relationship is nonexistend.
Believe me, your contractor, your landscape guy, your receptionist all will be pretty darn “passive” too or totally gone if you are not paying them to do the work.
Oh, and, about “pro se”, while there are exceptions, and although you are entitled to represent yourself, I compare it to me getting behind the wheel of a submarine...I might get it started, but God alone knows where I would end up.
“win” custody???????
This is a tragedy for the kids. They need two parents, two good parents. Don’t treat the spouse like she is the enemy. Maybe she did wrong and maybe it is a living nightmare, but it is nothing compared to what the little ones are going through. They want ma and pa to love them and each other, and believe me, they blame themselves for parents acting like morons.
PUT THE KIDS FIRST, even if it seems sacrificial. That is your job, provider and protector. Never say anything bad about mom. Zip the lips. Do NOT make them chose. Remember, things cycle, the one on the outside at this moment, could be on top when the tables turn.
DO NOT be vengeful. Vengeance is mine saith the Lord.
Nice post. Thanks.
I may have missed it, but did you mention the problem of still caring for the spouse, despite what she/he is trying to do to you?
If an individual goes into a marriage with a devout intent to make the marriage work, the person who has been served with divorce papers may still care a great deal for the spouse divorcing them.
I’m sure you’ve run into this. What’s your advice for people who still care for the spouse, despite what they are doing?
Is there anything short of, “You’re just an idiot.”, that you can come up with that would be constructive?
Are you, or were you, married to this woman? Call Cordell and Cordell.
http://www.cordellcordell.com/contact/divorce-attorneys-for-men?city=philadelphia&gclid=CLC13pmTjrQCFUOK4AoduXoAKA
Excellent post Ouderkirk. Good advise all around. I went through the whole 9 yards several years ago. It was hell, and ended up costing me $30K+. You can beat the charges, but you can’t beat the ride. My prayers are with you. The legal system has been perverted into an evil system that is designed to destroy men and their families.
wow.
The judge wasn’t biased by you being a man or even by your appearance? awesome.
You are engaged in a legal system created by feminists for women and against men.
I can't offer you legal aide but I will pray for you. There is one Power in your universe that trumps them all. It is less human and warlike and more vulnerable, steady and patient. But it is immensely more powerful. It's spirit swallows up and nullifies the power of evil. Pray for healing, protection and deliverance. Pray for your children and let Him be their Father while you walk this plank of hell. He's really rich (owns everything and everyone) and He's super wise and just.
Since Americans no longer respect truth and honor, we need to make it more risky for liars (shake down artist false accusers) to operate in the court system.
You are like a football team that has lost a quarter. You can't replay it; the game is rigged up to this point. Her unjust legal power feeds on your sense of powerlessness, fear, outrage and anger and that state is where you are the weakest opponent. So get above this and out of this state as soon as possible - like now! When your energy changes from resistance and war, hers will change, too.
You need to be a patient, good and wise deal maker now. You are negotiating for an honorable deal for her, yourself and your children. You need the Holy Spirit to be your counselor and healer. Pray to Jesus and get a strong Christian friend to talk with who can support your spiritual growth and power in this.
Understand that the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy.
Having been through divorce, I can say that it is not something that I advocate.
I advise that you move on. It is OK to still care about your former spouse, and wish her well. But, whatever you had has been broken and you will have to start new. I tried this route and it ended where it began, so I don’t advise trying to reconcile, but just end it. Separate yourself, and think about your future and health. It should be clear that your former spouse is not thinking about you and your future and your health. She is thinking about herself.
It is difficult, painful and lonely but the cleaner and faster the break, the sooner you can start getting on with your life. It will take time to get over it, and you will.
I lived in crappy neighborhoods with drug dealers and lowlifes of every sort for 15 years, as I had simply nothing left of my paycheck after child support, medical insurance, child care and my half of whatever activities that my children were engaged in. I drove a rusted out 1980 Olds Cutlass for close 8 years. Then, I bought another used car which was only slightly better. The next time I saw my children I picked them up in it, shortly threrafter, I found myself back in court with her demanding a raise in support. Which the court automatically granted, over and over, and over. I lived on less than $10,000 cash dollars per year and I had a $40,000 nut to crack for the credit cards she ran up at the end.
Mind you she had remarried and was living in a 2500 sq.ft. home in an upper income neighborhood. I lived in the city on the edge of the ghetto in a furnished two bedroom for $475/mo. It was the best I could afford. I ate subsistence food. This is while I was a mid-level engineering project manager making in the mid-$70K. I got the children from 10:00 am saturday to 5:00 pm sunday twice per month unless the ex has something planned in which it might only be once per month or less.
About two years in to that was when the OJ thing was happening, and that is when I knew deep down in my heart of hearts...that OJ... did it.
“You’re an idiot” isn’t for me to say. However “See, I told you so” is. And I reserve this for when it will sting the most, and it will be that time you will know for yourself and I will not have to say it. Good friends will know that it is understood.
I see. Okay.
Hope it all works out for you.
It was the same judge who had locked me up for contempt in the first place, but by then he was wise to the ex’s profound crazy.
see Rejoice Marriage Ministries; there are thousands of people standing for their broken marriages and this website has supportive material geared to marriage restoration. The divorces in this country are wrong wrong wrong and no fault divorce is a travesty
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