Posted on 03/22/2010 9:39:41 AM PDT by US Navy Vet
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed
to be far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have:
I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Ford 's, and I voted for Obama."
funny.....although it is hard to laugh today.
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, ‘What are all those clocks?’
St. Peter answered, ‘Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.’
‘Oh,’ said the man, ‘whose clock is that?’
‘That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.’
‘Incredible,’ said the man. ‘And whose clock is that one?’
St. Peter responded, ‘That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.’
‘Where’s President OBama’s clock?’ asked the man.
St. Peter repliies: “Obama’s clock is in Jesus’ office.”
“He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”
funnier if the cars were a GM product.
Change that “Ford” to Chysler or Chebby, Pontiac or GMC and I might laugh....
Thanks
as hard it is is, THIS made me smile and we all needed this
Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168". The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says," What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini". Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"
The Dept of Defense briefed the president this morning.
They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were
killed in Iraq.
To everyone’s surprise, he collapsed onto his desk, head
in his hands, visibly shaken,almost in tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked, ‘Just how many is a brazilian?
This is not surprising, since he obviously has no
understanding of billion or trillion either.
....or 3000% or the number of states.
But Sarah Palin writes on her hand. Report that.
I’ve been divorced three times, owned 2 Toyotas, and I voted for Obama.”.............
:)
A truck driver’s driving down the road.
He sees a priest walking down the shoulder going in the same direction, so he stops and says, “Father, would you like a ride? I’ll take you wherever you’re going.”
The priest says, “Oh, thank you my son, I’m very tired and you are an answer to my prayers.” So, he climbs up in the passenger seat and the driver heads back out onto the highway.
They’re driving along chatting and the driver sees Barack Obama walking down the shoulder headed their direction as well.
Now, the driver was struck by a moment of incredible temptation and guilt. You see, his normal modus operandi when he saw a Democrat walking down the road had always been to run him over.
But, seeing how he had a priest aboard he managed to fight off the temptation, stayed in his lane, and began to pass Barack.
To his great horror, as he went by he heard a loud “thump, thump!” He quickly exclaimed, “Father, I swear I didn’t hit him!”
With a look of incredible peace the priest turned to him and said, “Don’t worry about it, my son. I got him with the door.”
That's similar to the old Mercedes joke.
A tourist hops into a Mercedes cab in Germany. He asks the driver what the little emblem sticking up out of the hood is.
The driver, wanting to have some fun with the tourist, replies that it is a pedestrian targeting device. To further the joke along, he deliberately aims for a pedestrian, but swerves slightly as to miss him.
Just as he swerves he hears a bump, but doesn't think much of it.
He turns to the passenger and exclaims "Dang, I missed him."
The passenger replied "Don't worry, I got him for you."
bump
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