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Choosing Not to Keep the Baby (ugh!)
New York Times ^ | June 16, 2009 | Lisa Belkin

Posted on 06/16/2009 12:31:57 PM PDT by reaganaut1

...

For my first trip out and about since learning I was pregnant, I went to meet with the director of an adoption agency. He was so supportive and sweet that I walked away choked up but not in tears — it was the first day I didn’t cry. Even though the adoption agency can pay my medical costs and set me up with adoptive parents for maternity shopping, grocery shopping, birthing classes and all kinds of programs, it didn’t feel like enough. I told the director how scared and lonely I’ve been and he just said, “I know. I can tell. We’ll take this one step at a time.” So many of the comments urged me to consider adoption but I already feel so attached to the little zygote inside of me (my friend named it Ziggy) that I don’t think I could carry a baby to term just to give it away. The mere thought of handing my child to someone else, as altruistic as it is, breaks me.

That shifted my thoughts to keeping the baby. My parents have also been reading through the comments and they’ve gained a new insight too. Sure, a baby would be wonderful to have at the Thanksgiving table, but what about the rest of the year? Even though they would love a grandchild, I think they’re starting to understand how hard this will be for me.

...

If I’m not there to turn in a policy paper or a memo, someone else’s child might not get their mosquito net or child support check. What I do matters, not just in my own small world, but in the big picture.

(Excerpt) Read more at parenting.blogs.nytimes.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: 2evil4words; 2sick4words; abortion; babykiller; conveniencekilling; death4convenience; evil; justplainevil; moralabsolutes; narcissism
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To: reaganaut1

you killed your baby
that’s all that matters
you could have taken your pregnancy as a sign that you were not meant to do this dumb axe graduate program
that something else was in store, that someone else was guiding you not your own peabrain
too late
you feel guilty? you are, but there is forgiveness if requested
you don’t feel guilty? you are still guilty


41 posted on 06/16/2009 2:24:29 PM PDT by yldstrk (My heros have always been cowboys--Reagan and Bush)
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To: Alkhin

adoption is not always a great answer either, the children suffer


42 posted on 06/16/2009 2:27:24 PM PDT by yldstrk (My heros have always been cowboys--Reagan and Bush)
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To: ArrogantBustard
She isn't the mother of a dead baby ... She's a mother who killed her own baby ... deliberately.

Would it be unreasonable to substitute monster for mother in your last sentence?

43 posted on 06/16/2009 2:29:30 PM PDT by Logophile
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To: Logophile

You may say what you like, but I stand by my choice of words.


44 posted on 06/16/2009 2:33:58 PM PDT by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: Alkhin
Adoption s*cks just as hard for the child as abortion does.

I usually tell the glowing story of my daughter's decision to have her father-less but not spermless baby and give him up for adoption. We located him at the age of 21, two years ago.

All the promises the adopting couple made to my daughter flew right out the window. They told him nothing. They told him when he asked that she didn't want to see him. They didn't give him any of the things we'd sent along for him when he was of age. They didn't even keep the outfit we sent him off in . . . a Cabbage Patch outfit. When he was 18, he had a lot of problems with his adoptive parents because he wanted to contact his birth mother and was sent to stay with his maternal grandparents.

When he turned 21, I located him on MySpace and the rest is history.

My daughter now says, after getting to know him and the problems he has had and gone through, that if she had to do it over again, she'd keep him. The "idyllic" two parent family turned out to be less ideal than we were assured it would be. They told every lie in the book to get a baby because they wanted a baby. They made all kinds of promises knowing they weren't going to keep them because they wanted a baby. (And these are Assembly of God ministers.)

I haven't had time to get to know him. He's getting married the end of the month. Eventually he will be changing his MOS and be on a base in NC. Hopefully, he and I can "reconnect" and I'll have the same grandmotherly sympathies for him as I have the other five. Giving away a first grandson is very very hard emotionally. Maybe I should have just told my daughter NO, we're not giving him away. But at the time, that's what she had her heart set on.

Adoption s*cks just as hard for the child as abortion does. AGREED.
45 posted on 06/16/2009 2:37:45 PM PDT by HighlyOpinionated (Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann in 2012. With Liz Cheney as Secretary of State.)
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To: Alkhin
Adoption s*cks just as hard for the child as abortion does.

Nonsense.

As bad a life can be sometimes, most people—the vast majority—will cling to it. Very few people commit suicide, even those who are suffering great pain.

Based on that observation, I think we can safely conclude that babies, if given the choice, would prefer adoption over abortion. Of course, those who describe themselves as pro-choice don't actually believe in giving the baby a choice in the matter.

46 posted on 06/16/2009 2:38:40 PM PDT by Logophile
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To: ArrogantBustard
You may say what you like, but I stand by my choice of words.

Perhaps monster is harsh, but mother does not seem quite right either. Doesn't a woman actually have to give birth to be a mother?

Nitpicking aside, I agree with what you wrote: She did kill her own baby, and she did so deliberately. That fact remains, regardless of what one may choose to call her.

The article (and the associated comments) left me cold. There is something, well, creepy about the way the author describes her decision. I try to empathize, but simply cannot imagine acting that way.

47 posted on 06/16/2009 3:10:31 PM PDT by Logophile
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To: CharlesWayneCT

Not only cheering, but telling her what a wise beautiful thoughtful and accomplished young woman she is.


48 posted on 06/16/2009 4:27:43 PM PDT by christianhomeschoolmommaof3 (I home school because I have seen the village and I don't want it raising my children.)
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To: reaganaut1

We are trying to adopt.


49 posted on 06/16/2009 4:33:08 PM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (When you're spinning round, things come undone. Welcome to Earth 3rd rock from the Sun!)
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To: HighlyOpinionated

So your grandson’s life is so worthless that you would equate it to a dead baby in a landfill somewhere? That makes absolutley no sense. With life there is always hope. He has a chance for happiness. The aborted baby never had a chance.


50 posted on 06/16/2009 4:36:04 PM PDT by christianhomeschoolmommaof3 (I home school because I have seen the village and I don't want it raising my children.)
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To: pnz1

I have found that for some ridiculous reason, both men and women are reluctant to give their children to someone else to raise, but they are ok with killing their child. Basically, if they aren’t going to have it, then no one will. It is frustrating, but not uncommon. For all its faults, adoption is a far better alternative than death. There are millions of happy, well adjusted adopted children in this world, and even more adoptive parents who are grateful for the opportunity to be a parent.

On a side note, my wife gave birth to twins this morning. They were born at 1:07 and 1:22 am today :) Two girls. No names yet. We knew they were twins, but didn’t know what gender. Mom and baby girls are fine, even though they were not due until July 30. Sorry for going off topic. Just a proud dad.


51 posted on 06/16/2009 6:18:31 PM PDT by ga medic
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To: ga medic
On a side note, my wife gave birth to twins this morning. They were born at 1:07 and 1:22 am today :) Two girls. No names yet. We knew they were twins, but didn’t know what gender. Mom and baby girls are fine, even though they were not due until July 30. Sorry for going off topic. Just a proud dad.

Congratulations!

52 posted on 06/16/2009 6:43:52 PM PDT by Logophile
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To: ga medic

Congratulations! Hope they are all doing well.


53 posted on 06/16/2009 7:52:56 PM PDT by pnz1
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To: Logophile
I worked for a time in a "Crisis Pregnancy Center". The experience completely de-harsh-ed me, at least toward the women with unexpected/unwanted unborn children. For the most part. The woman in this article is a creep.

As far as I'm concerned, the fertilized egg is a child and the man and woman who contributed the sperm and the ovum are his father and mother. Everything after that (including birth) is just growth and development.

54 posted on 06/17/2009 5:50:58 AM PDT by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: green pastures
It's the part about the father of the child that most makes me think the whole column was fake. There are certainly dopey women out there who give losers too much credit. However, we're supposed to believe this woman who is on her way to a top graduate school would be impressed by the guy's mere willingness to give her a ride to the clinic? Given that he apparently didn't even pay for the abortion, why would this woman praise this guy? I think this portion of the story was the (real) author's way of neutralizing the assertion that women have abortions because men desert them.
55 posted on 06/17/2009 1:47:06 PM PDT by utahagen
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To: utahagen

I did see your earlier post, and it is quite possible that this was contrived to serve an agenda of the author.

The considerations and conclusions that were expressed, if not by the subject of the piece, were then developed by the author. Still cold, calculating, selfish and ghastly.

Add in that the comments were moderated, which allowed the author to further shape her agenda.


56 posted on 06/17/2009 2:02:05 PM PDT by green pastures
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Comment #57 Removed by Moderator

To: ga medic
On a side note, my wife gave birth to twins this morning. They were born at 1:07 and 1:22 am today :) Two girls. No names yet. We knew they were twins, but didn’t know what gender.

I've read some of your thoughtful measured replies - I suspect you'll make an understanding protective and "fun to be with" father. Happy Father's Day ga medic. Congratulations on the birth of your daughters.

58 posted on 06/21/2009 1:05:19 PM PDT by GOPJ (Chubby people live longer - by years! Hey food police - we're putting a tax on tofu and sprouts!)
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To: GOPJ

Thanks. I didn’t put it in the post, but these are my 6th and 7th children. It was a big surprise to say the least. My youngest is 12. They are all doing well though. Alexandra was 3’12” and Isabella was 4’1”, which is pretty good for 33 weeks.

I used to be fun and protective, but now I just feel old. They are beautiful though, and I feel incredibly blessed to have them. I really appreciate the well wishes. Happy Father’s day to you too.


59 posted on 06/21/2009 7:52:28 PM PDT by ga medic
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To: reaganaut1
She and the quack "doctor" murdered for convienence. Nothing more. Nothing less.

It's just sad. I read further the comments and see mixed views about adoption. It's not always the best thing possible, but at least this gives the baby a chance. This one has no chance. None. For all we know, that could be the next Dave Thomas, Dante Culpepper, or Curtis Joseph.

60 posted on 06/21/2009 9:00:06 PM PDT by Darren McCarty (We do what we have to do.)
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