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Adoption s*cks just as hard for the child as abortion does.

I usually tell the glowing story of my daughter's decision to have her father-less but not spermless baby and give him up for adoption. We located him at the age of 21, two years ago.

All the promises the adopting couple made to my daughter flew right out the window. They told him nothing. They told him when he asked that she didn't want to see him. They didn't give him any of the things we'd sent along for him when he was of age. They didn't even keep the outfit we sent him off in . . . a Cabbage Patch outfit. When he was 18, he had a lot of problems with his adoptive parents because he wanted to contact his birth mother and was sent to stay with his maternal grandparents.

When he turned 21, I located him on MySpace and the rest is history.

My daughter now says, after getting to know him and the problems he has had and gone through, that if she had to do it over again, she'd keep him. The "idyllic" two parent family turned out to be less ideal than we were assured it would be. They told every lie in the book to get a baby because they wanted a baby. They made all kinds of promises knowing they weren't going to keep them because they wanted a baby. (And these are Assembly of God ministers.)

I haven't had time to get to know him. He's getting married the end of the month. Eventually he will be changing his MOS and be on a base in NC. Hopefully, he and I can "reconnect" and I'll have the same grandmotherly sympathies for him as I have the other five. Giving away a first grandson is very very hard emotionally. Maybe I should have just told my daughter NO, we're not giving him away. But at the time, that's what she had her heart set on.

Adoption s*cks just as hard for the child as abortion does. AGREED.

"Isn’t it convenient how thoughtfully this woman seemed to consider every option, then wrote about her decision to 'terminate' in a way that addressed almost every possible objection?"

Most women do. There are a few who don't, but for most women it's not a decision made lightly.

"All the promises the adopting couple made to my daughter flew right out the window. They told every lie in the book to get a baby..."

That's the way it usually is. I'd love to see promises from potential adopters written into the contract, and that contract be between the pregnant woman & the potential adopters, rather than the adoption agency & potential adopters. Give the women some legal standing.

Adoption agencies, also, tell all the lies they want and get away with it. While you're pregnant they love you and promise you the moon. After you sign away your rights it's like night & day; they don't even want you in their office to discuss anything... sneak you out the back door.

And almost everyone seems to think that 'adoption' = 'giving a baby away' & 'never seeing it again'

Open adoption is always an option, and lets the child know s/he was loved.

"Doesn't a woman actually have to give birth to be a mother?"

Most RTLers don't think so. Pregnant women are constantly referred to as mothers, and the zygote / fetus is constantly referred to as a baby.

If she's still pregnant, she's not a mother & it's not a baby.

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