Choosing Not to Keep the Baby (ugh!)

New York Times ^ | June 16, 2009 | Lisa Belkin

[reaganaut1]

...

For my first trip out and about since learning I was pregnant, I went to meet with the director of an adoption agency. He was so supportive and sweet that I walked away choked up but not in tears — it was the first day I didn’t cry. Even though the adoption agency can pay my medical costs and set me up with adoptive parents for maternity shopping, grocery shopping, birthing classes and all kinds of programs, it didn’t feel like enough. I told the director how scared and lonely I’ve been and he just said, “I know. I can tell. We’ll take this one step at a time.” So many of the comments urged me to consider adoption but I already feel so attached to the little zygote inside of me (my friend named it Ziggy) that I don’t think I could carry a baby to term just to give it away. The mere thought of handing my child to someone else, as altruistic as it is, breaks me.

That shifted my thoughts to keeping the baby. My parents have also been reading through the comments and they’ve gained a new insight too. Sure, a baby would be wonderful to have at the Thanksgiving table, but what about the rest of the year? Even though they would love a grandchild, I think they’re starting to understand how hard this will be for me.

...

If I’m not there to turn in a policy paper or a memo, someone else’s child might not get their mosquito net or child support check. What I do matters, not just in my own small world, but in the big picture.

[MKEgal]

"Isn’t it convenient how thoughtfully this woman seemed to consider every option, then wrote about her decision to 'terminate' in a way that addressed almost every possible objection?"

Most women do. There are a few who don't, but for most women it's not a decision made lightly.


"All the promises the adopting couple made to my daughter flew right out the window. They told every lie in the book to get a baby..."

That's the way it usually is. I'd love to see promises from potential adopters written into the contract, and that contract be between the pregnant woman & the potential adopters, rather than the adoption agency & potential adopters. Give the women some legal standing.

Adoption agencies, also, tell all the lies they want and get away with it. While you're pregnant they love you and promise you the moon. After you sign away your rights it's like night & day; they don't even want you in their office to discuss anything... sneak you out the back door.

And almost everyone seems to think that 'adoption' = 'giving a baby away' & 'never seeing it again'

Open adoption is always an option, and lets the child know s/he was loved.


"Doesn't a woman actually have to give birth to be a mother?"

Most RTLers don't think so. Pregnant women are constantly referred to as mothers, and the zygote / fetus is constantly referred to as a baby.

If she's still pregnant, she's not a mother & it's not a baby.



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