Posted on 03/03/2009 5:05:09 AM PST by Kaslin
Julia is a fairly typical 16-year-old girl: she is crazy about boys, concerned about being fashionable, doesn't appreciate homework, loves pizza - and she "cuts".
For those who aren't familiar with the term - and whose imaginations might be thinking the worst about what it means to "cut" - I'm afraid I only have very sad news: "cutting" means you take a knife or razor and use it to actually dig into your own flesh.
This barbaric practice is common among today's precious teen women. Some school counselors estimate that the majority of middle and high school aged girls have engaged in such self-mutilation.
When I first heard about the bizarre behavior I must admit that I assumed it was rare, only done by a few girls with severe mental issues who dress in black Goth clothes accented by equally black eye shadow and studded lips. Yes, many of these girls who appear to be troubled do cut - but so do many of the young women who look like "the girl next door".
Why on earth do our little girls maim themselves? Much of it comes as a result of the hardness that often follows a severely broken heart. Some have grown so numb to the onslaught of abuse and emotional pain that they inflict intense physical pain on their bodies and watch their own blood flow to simply remind themselves that they are alive. Others do it in order to build their immunity to pain in general - they have to find a way to distract themselves from the ever-growing, gut-wrenching emotional trauma over their broken families.
Author Jane Alison's essay published in the New York Times on March 1, 2009, adapted from her forth-coming memoir, "The Sisters Antipodes" due out this month, is a heart-wrenching account of the tragic consequences of divorce on children. She reflects on her own struggles to cope with the fact that her dad left not just his wife, but his own daughters to marry another woman. She explained her and her sister's desperate efforts to cope with the abandonment, "....we tried to make ourselves valuable - writing, dreaming, trying to earn our own father's love. Or, as we tried to feel nothing at all, through drinking, cutting, men and sex."
Divorce is not at the root of all the reasons for self-mutilation. Abuse, a fear of failure, low and low self-image are also contributors. But what cutters have in common is a spirit of brokenness. When I asked my daughter if she knows anyone who cuts, to my horror she replied, "Yes. A lot of people." As she started naming names I realized that nearly all of them are from broken homes. When she asked her classmate, Julia, why she rips into her own arm with a knife, the girl replied, "I don't know - I just do it when I'm sad." A by-product of divorce, it appears by the number of scars on her arms that Julia is sad quite frequently.
Recently I met two wonderful women - Nancy Alcorn and Christy Singleton - who offer real help to girls who are suffering so deeply from abuse and brokenness that they start abusing themselves. Mercy Ministries (www.MercyMinistries.org) serves young women through a free six-month long residential counseling program. They bring both hope and life change to young women who have "life controlling issues such as eating disorders, self-harm, unplanned pregnancy, sexual abuse, addictions and depression." The girls receive biblically based counseling, learn life skills such as setting boundaries, budgeting, and preparation for parenting if they are pregnant. They also take nutrition and fitness education classes. But most of all, they are loved and shown that they can overcome deep hurts of all kinds and create a bright future.
"The Mercy Ministries program takes a non-conventional approach to treatment by getting to the root issues of the problems and then helping the young women move past their debilitating circumstances, recognize and accept their self-worth and prepare them to reach their full potential," says Singleton.
Mercy Ministries reports that they have helped over 2000 young women find freedom from very difficult issues and graduates of their program are found in "universities, on the mission field, working, raising children and giving back to their communities." The program is voluntary and open to young women across the nation. Visit www.mercyministries.org for more information about how to apply. You can also order their helpful book entitled, "Cut: Mercy for Self-Harm" which explains in far greater detail the huge problem that "self harm" has become in our nation, the various forms it takes, the reasons behind it, and most importantly - how to experience freedom and victory over both the causes of and the destructive behavior.
Bingo! It’s a way for a girl (or boy) to have control. Second aspect is that it is a way to distract from emotional pain by creating physical pain.
A sports friend of my son’s was a cutter in high school. He eventually committed suicide. I am beyond words.
I’m amazed at what he DID accomplish!
Reminds me of a joke:
A girl goes to her mother and tells her she's pregnant.
The mother asks "are you sure it's yours?"
That is not uncommon.
If we all eliminated or cut back on the amount of entertainment we consume each day, we’d all be amazed at what we could accomplish.
The trick with these guys, is they accomplished difficult tasks extraordinarily well.
>>It has been there a while, but the increase is very disturbing, considering what psychological indicators there are for cutting behavior. <<
I would bet that it is not increasing, it’s just being brought to light or if it is increasing, it’s copycats.
This disorder has been around forever. In the past we hid it and got the person quiet help. NOW, there is a huge fuss for any disorder. Coddle and care. It’s a mistake. That makes it a badge of courage and other kids want to do it for the attention.
We had two women when I worked Psych. Both were controlled Paranoid Schiz. The family of the first woman coddled her and gave in to her every whim because she was “sick”. She would steal credit cards and take off on a plane then call a family member to get her. (and they would)
The second lady had an Irish mother who didn’t believe in making her child “sick”. This one held a job, was in school and made something of herself. The amount of positive attention given to bad behavior can make or break a disorder.
Funniest post all morning!
Agreed. A psychiatrist friend of mine says, “The Borderlines hate me!” because she doesn’t give in to them. They either stop seeing her (she does some therapy, too), or they stick with her...and she has a good success rate.
But I really do think it’s on the rise...and some copycatting is because of the mindset transference, not that they are just cutting to have the wounds. Just like bisexuality is “cool,” there are girls who really convince themselves they like it.
I still speak to this woman on occasion. She got over the multi-personalty thing with drugs, but she's a Democrat. So it apparently caused permanent brain damage.
LOL!
Is that from a button?
Agreed. A psychiatrist friend of mine says, “The Borderlines hate me!” because she doesn’t give in to them.
...and yet they remain obsessed with her!
” Some school counselors estimate that the majority of middle and high school aged girls have engaged in such self-mutilation.”
At this point the author loses credibility. There is a minority of kids/girls who do this. But let’s just create an epidemic...kinda like the factoid women are beaten more during the superbowl lol
Cutting in some cases can be to FEEL something, if a person is emotionally numb.
It can be disconcerting to be close to someone who truly dissociates like that.
lol
>>Just like bisexuality is “cool,” there are girls who really convince themselves they like it.<<
You pegged it!
My daughter has a friend — a very pretty, cute little 16 year-old girl — who has lately started doing this.
They went to the movues the other night and my daughter noticed the cuts on her arm and asked her about it.
I just don’t get it.
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