Posted on 02/13/2008 2:07:52 PM PST by 50sDad
My mom, at about 87, is going into Hospice tonight. She has "outlived the hardware" and has had a wandering mind for the past few years, but it has come to a head in the past 9 months or so, after my parents decided to get her a new knee. We have discovered all kinds of things dad wasn't mentioning after this point...aparently her kidneys were on the way to failing before the knee, and we found out about the problem when they did and she went into regular dialysis. She has been frail and in a nursing home for the past six months, and dispite my Dad's hopes and all our prayers, hasn't taken to the physical therepy, and wandring further and further off in her mind. They have stopped dyalysis so it is just a question of time.
No one can tell you how to feel during this time - it’s a mistake to think something is missing. Enjoy and treasure your time that is left with your mom.
One thing I wish I had of my dad after he was gone, was his voice on something. If you can record a conversation - or any memories that she may have, that may be what you need later to “feel”.
Prayers for an easy transition -
God bless you and yours and may His mercy shield you in the days ahead.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this very hard time. My Mom is in hospice and has been since late Fall, and I understand what you are going through. Being numb at this point is understandable.
I also understand (totally) the lack of emotional training, having come from an extremely dysfunctional family. Please don’t judge yourself, or your reaction to this situation, just do the best you can. Day by day, just do the best you can. That is what I have done, and I have found peace...My hope is that you will as well.
MOgirl
Prayers to your family.
Men in his generation just didn’t show emotion.
As for you, people grieve in many different ways.
My husband passed away in July, and was in hospice. They were so go to him and very family friendly.
Maria
Prayers for your mother and your family. My mom is also 87 years old but in fairly good health, for which I am thankful.
.....and for me, as I seem to have this empty file on my internal hard drive where my grief should be and I seem to be feeling nothing in particular about this, which bothers me more than what I ought to be feeling about this.
There is too much for you to do right now. The grief and sense of loss will come later when least expected. As a FReeper explained to me when my husband died, grief will come in waves like the ocean because if it came all at once we could never handle it. Over time it will eventually subside but a little bit of it will always be there. You'll be ok.
My husband passed away in July. I only cried when no one was around, before he died and since.
Tell Dad it is ok to show his emotions at this time, especially at this time. Grief and anger and the numbness all subside with time.
Remember the best times.
50sDad,
You and your family definitely have my prayers.
The empty file you’ve referenced is a healthy part of the grieving process. Right now there are decisions to be made, plans to be carried out with logistics and how-to’s and all sorts of different things that require a mind not clouded with the emotional part of the grief. The emotional part of the grief will come when it’s “safe” for it to make its appearance and that may not be for awhile because not only do you have your Mom’s stuff to deal with but you also are worried about your Dad and how all of this will affect him.
Trust me, you aren’t hardhearted or unfeeling or uncaring or unloving. Sometimes there’s a need for a little Vulcanism.
Prayer
He was 98, and suffered from severe dementia along with incontinance,and congestive heart failure, but we managed to keep him out of a nursing home, which he feared more than death.
They couldn't operate to fix his broken hip, they couldn't get his kidney function back, and his lungs were filling with fluid. From the time he fell till the time he passed was a total of 5 days.
Dialysis would have been futile. THANK GOD, we had the Hospice Doctors there at the hospital who made sure he was comfortable and pain free when he passed. We were there.
The funeral was the hardest part..BE WELL...sw
Prayers for your mother, father and family.
I know what you’re going through. My Mom passed away this past Dec 26. My sister had rushed her to the hospital back in September, and they discovered she was bleeding internally. The coumadin she was on was making things worse. Tests discovered cancer in the colon which had spread to the lymphatic system and her bones. She spent her remaining months in hospice. The hospice folks are truly wonderful people, especially the nurses! Thanks to the hospice medication, she passed away peacefully. My prayers go out to ya, man.
Prayers for you and your family. May the Lord be with you.
I did fine, not crying around the family, until I went to mass, where he had been the (much-beloved classical musician). When I would look at the piano, or pipe organ, it just ripped me up.
I actually quit going to church for some months, just because I didn’t want everyone to see me crying at mass and feeling sorry for me.
Finally, friends said “So what if you cry?” and dragged me back (family too). So, I go, and I cry. I even cried at Walmart one day, when one of the guys who works in the garden section said, “Hey, where’s your old man? I haven’t seen him in a while!” To my horror, I burst into tears and said, “Well, he passed away last May.”
I still cry. Like right this minute. I really miss him, he was a very funny man, very intelligent, and just a great husband for 37 years.
I guess I’ll always grieve for him.
Mr. Spectre's family were never the type to use the word "love". I don't think his Father and he EVER told the other "I love you".
When his Dad was dying, he sat by the bed and held his Dad's hand, and told him 100 times "I love you, Dad"..
In the end, those are the most important words you can ever say. Do it..
sw
P.S. a hug to you, FRiend; and an offer of FRiendship.
Mar 10:16 And he took them up in his arms, put [his] hands upon them, and blessed them.
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