Responsible people practice gun control:
Bruce Gray training class.
Posted on 12/14/2007 1:09:55 PM PST by NonZeroSum
December 14th, 2007
COLORADO SPRINGS (APUPI) As a mass memorial service was held today for the seventy-three victims of the massacre at the New Life Church, one of the largest such grim tolls in the nations' history, gun-control advocates pointed out the continuing folly of allowing civilians access to pistols and assault weapons.
"This never would have happened had Matthew Murray not been able to get his hands on those weapons, " said Sarah Brady, head of Handgun Control, Incorporated. "He had two handguns, an assault rifle, and a thousand rounds of ammunition. Seventy-three people are dead now, because the NRA continues to block reasonable gun-control measures."
With Sunday's slaughter still fresh in the minds of many, she pointed out that now was the time to end such incidents once and for all, with effective laws against both handguns and assault weapons.
The toll was horrific for the church, which lost not only many parishioners, but its senior pastor, Brady Boyd. Also killed was Jeanne Assam, one of the church's security guards. She had bravely stood up and warned the gunman as he entered the building after killing two girls in the parking lot, and pointed out the "gun-free zone" sign at the church entrance. However, she herself was unarmed, per church policy, and was shot down before Murray went on to shoot numerous others behind her.
Some have made the controversial suggestion that the death toll might have been lower had Ms. Assam been allowed to carry a firearm herself, something which, as a former police officer, she was well trained to do. In addition, she held a permit to legally carry a concealed weapon in Colorado. But the church rules, for obvious safety reasons, didn't allow weapons on the premises.
Mrs. Brady finds such suggestions dangerous and ludicrous. "What is a woman going to do with a handgun against a man with two pistols and an assault rifle?" she asked. "Adding more weapons to the mix would only have increased the carnage. What they needed was bigger letters on the sign."
[Copyright 2007 by Rand Simberg]
Someone once said, “You never hear of them shooting up a police station.”
No, I think irony is when something’s true.
Sarcasm begins and ends in jest.
How ‘bout eliminating religious-intolerant low-lifes.
I'd be willing to bet this perp thought the church was a gun free zone. A lot of them are. But he was wrong. Now, he's dead wrong.
Well, I suppose I could Google a definition as well, but I just figured that it’s pretty clear to the audience that this is fiction.
Your definition still holds up though, since it appears that Ms. Brady, as a central character is clueless to the irony of her own ramblings (as she will forever be).
Responsible people practice gun control:
Bruce Gray training class.
I will continue to bring this point up until someone starts throwing gun hating liberals in jail...
OK Dude, you have to use the satire tag. I just read the first few lines and thought I was going crazy. Googled the shooting to make sure I had it right.
Not real funny.
Take aim and calmly squeeze the trigger.
They need to ban churches. If there wasn’t a church there, he wouldn’t have gone on his killing spree.</sarc>
Read the article more carefully.
>and pointed out the "gun-free zone" sign at the church entrance
Finally, per Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeanne_Assam
The article is a parallel universe farce. Jeane Assam killed the shooter, and only a few died in reality, not 73.
“They need to ban churches. If there wasn’t a church there, he wouldn’t have gone on his killing spree”
Don’t give them ideas.
I did the same thing. Admin should put (SATIRE) in the title
How did the toll go to 73?
I thought it was like 4 to 7.
I know I am not now in the US, but maybe I am now in another universe.
I don't think it was meant to be funny but more as an alternate of what could have happened if the liberal 'gun free zone' zealets got their way...
On the other hand, the responses...
Whose tag is it (proudly posting without reading [or understanding] the article since 200)?
Somebodys gonna get hurt in here...
The article is great, but these responses are HILARIOUS!!!
Come on people!
what we need is wacko control.
Strangely believe it, wackoism is self regulating. They are killing trhemselves off.
I’ve learned to check for satire but I think you caught a few other posters this time.
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