Posted on 11/14/2007 10:52:46 AM PST by dead
The retired Supreme Court justice's spouse, John O'Connor, has had Alzheimer's disease for 17 years, and after moving into an assisted-living center in Phoenix, he began a romance with a fellow patient also suffering from the mind-debilitating ailment.
But the justice isn't jealous - the O'Connor family believes the love has given John, 77, a new lease on life.
"Mom was thrilled that dad was relaxed and happy and comfortable living here and wasn't complaining," their son Scott O'Connor, 50, told Phoenix's KPNX-TV.
Scott said that when his father recently arrived at the Huger Mercy Living Center, he was depressed.
"He knew this was sort of the beginning of the end," said Scott O'Connor. "It was basically suicide talk."
Then John O'Connor was moved to another part of the center, where he met a lady simply known as Kay.
They are often together and hold hands, Scott told KPNX.
"Forty-eight hours after moving into that new cottage, he was a teenager in love. He was happy."
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(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com ...
What a blessing when "the train" did come by and took him home.
One time at the home we asked if he wanted to sit in the TV room.
He said, "No. There's dead people in there."
Wondering if he had developed a sixth sense or something similar we looked in the TV room and there were about a half dozen residents sleeping in chairs.
Took him for a ride in the car and passed the Shrine Temple and he recited his initiation perfectly.
Knew hymns. Knew scripture.
Go figure.
Don’t most Alzheimer’s patients live in the waaaaay past.....my grandmother did. I took family pictures when I went to see her......she didn’t know who I was, but she knew who her parents were.....so it doesn’t surprise me that an Alzheimer’s patient would revert to teenage behavior.
Fittingly what slowed me up was then inability to remember Gordon Pinsett’s name.
Caught a glimpse of the movie as the lady of the house was watching it
and his presense caught my attention. He’s a bit of a Canadian treasure.
Whenever I have difficulty recalling like that I am reminded that
both my grandfather and father developed what I grew up knowing as senility.
I am somewhat resigned to the posssiblity that it will be my fate as well.
God Bless you, I wish you well in everything you do.
Get as much fatty acids or DHA (think fish oil/flax seeds) into your diet as you can.
My mother in law has Alzheimers (as did her late sister) and the rapid progression is stunning. She can remember her sons, myself and my sister in law; and our older children. The younger ones (four boys all born in the last 14 years) she can't. Who are they? Are you going send these kids back to their parents? Its as though there is some 'line' in her brain and anything after that certain point is gone. She can't remember that her sister is gone; she will call her neice to ask how her mom is doing (she remembers how to dial the phone; but can't 'learn' to use a microwave or a remote control). It is heartbreaking.
Abused? The article said the two senile old people sit next to each other and hold hands. Or do you know something we don’t know?
In my father’s dotage -— in the two years before he died —— he called all the CNA’s “Doll” and kissed their hands. I was grateful that they accepted his gestures in good humor. Even people who are losing their mental capacities need affection and love: God bless them all.
I’m sorry but adulterous sex in a nursing home is disgusting
You have not known pain until you have to try to help someone understand that their parents can't come visit today, and know that you will have to do it again tomorrow. And the next day. You have not known pain until you have to explain who you are over and over, and no that it does no good and that you can be of no comfort to your loved one - knowing that you are confusing them and upsetting them when you try to help calm them. But nothing calms them.
If this man can be happy for even one moment with his new love, and not spend his final days sobbing, wondering why he has been abandoned, then that is what should happen. And the fact that family members are gracious and loving about it is wonderful.
No one has the right to question this family or their decisions.
Sort of. They do, but they have moments of pure lucidity. So you can come in & say "Hi, Daddy!" and there is a chance they'll say "Hi" back, but there is just as great a chance they won't and will be elsewhere mentally and "Hi, Daddy" will upset them because in their minds, they are not "Daddy", and why are you calling them that? So you never know what helps at any moment, and what will upset the person greatly. Sometimes they'll react by wondering why you aren't calling them "Daddy" & are being disrespectful calling them by their "real" name. So you edit everything you say until you can figure out where they are mentally at any moment. And sometimes nothing helps. It is very difficult.
My mother couldn't remember that one of my brothers had died. We were in the emergency room one day when she started asking about him. I made the mistake of reminding her he was gone. When she realized she had forgotten it was as though she was hearing the news for the first time all over again. After that when she would ask about him I would say he's working a lot of overtime and couldn't come around to see her.
It's a shame some families have to put their loved ones in homes. My mother's doctor bugged me for about a year to do that but I had made a promise to my mother that I never would. She died before the disease got to the final stages but she died in her own home. Taking care of her got to be very difficult but I have no regrets.
Alzheimer's is a very cruel disease. And I'm afraid one of my brothers is starting to show signs of it. I only hope it's his medication or grieving or something. A few other relatives have had it. I think my family is prone to it.
How does he remember his Girlfriend if he doesn’t remember his wife? What am I missing.
My question is, if they don’t remember their SPOUSES, how do they remember each other??
I think you and I are both fortunate to be living in this exciting time of discovery of cures for ills and diseases. We may not have to endure them like our ancestors have had to.
Since when is "holding hands" the equivalent of "adulterous sex?"
This is a horribly devastating disease, not just to the patient him/herself, but to the family as well.
My husband is a very strong man, but I can't count the number of times I had to hold him as he attempted to deal with the loss of his mother to it. Trying to explain what was going on to his teenage nieces was even more difficult.
Bless you.
He may be living in a time before he had kids or was married to his wife. Everything needs to make sense in that time frame, or the patient gets upset. To me, it was as though the mind was striving to force sense into a nonsense situation and anything that helped was accepted.
Seeing his girlfriend all day every day helps keep her in mind. Also, he's not married (in his mind), so it is natural to have a girlfriend. It makes sense.
My dad sought things that would make sense to him and angrily or emotionally rejected what did not.
Eventually, he won't remember the girlfriend or anything or anyone else. But for right now, at this stage in the illness, it is as though the mind reaches out to grab anything that helps it cope with the perceived nonsense. If he knows he is 20 and unmarried (or whatever), why does the rest of the world say different? Having a girlfriend helps that.
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