Posted on 11/13/2007 7:08:30 AM PST by Responsibility2nd
Marriage is a foundation of civilized life. No advanced civilization has ever existed without the married, two-parent family. Those who argue that our civilization needs healthy marriages to survive are not exaggerating.
And yet I cannot, in good conscience, urge young men to marry today. For many men (and some women), marriage has become nothing less than a one-way ticket to jail. Even the New York Times has reported on how easily "the divorce court leads to a jail cell," mostly for men. In fact, if I have one urgent piece of practical advice for young men today it is this: Do not marry and do not have children.
Spreading this message may also, in the long run, be the most effective method of saving marriage as an institution. For until we understand that the principal threat to marriage today is not cultural but political, and that it comes not from homosexuals but from heterosexuals, we will never reverse the decline of marriage. The main destroyer of marriage, it should be obvious, is divorce. Michael McManus of Marriage Savers points out that "divorce is a far more grievous blow to marriage than today's challenge by gays." The central problem is the divorce laws.
It is well known that half of all marriages end in divorce. But widespread misconceptions lead many to believe it cannot happen to them. Many conscientious people think they will never be divorced because they do not believe in it. In fact, it is likely to happen to you whether you wish it or not.
First, you do not have to agree to the divorce or commit any legal transgression. Under "no-fault" divorce laws, your spouse can divorce you unilaterally without giving any reasons. The judge will then grant the divorce automatically without any questions.
But further, not only does your spouse incur no penalty for breaking faith; she can actually profit enormously. Simply by filing for divorce, your spouse can take everything you have, also without giving any reasons. First, she will almost certainly get automatic and sole custody of your children and exclude you from them, without having to show that you have done anything wrong. Then any unauthorized contact with your children is a crime. Yes, for seeing your own children you will be subject to arrest.
There is no burden of proof on the court to justify why they are seizing control of your children and allowing your spouse to forcibly keep you from them. The burden of proof (and the financial burden) is on you to show why you should be allowed to see your children.
The divorce industry thus makes it very attractive for your spouse to divorce you and take your children. (All this earns money for lawyers whose bar associations control the careers of judges.) While property divisions and spousal support certainly favor women, the largest windfall comes through the children. With custody, she can then demand "child support" that may amount to half, two-thirds, or more of your income. (The amount is set by committees consisting of feminists, lawyers, and enforcement agents – all of whom have a vested interest in setting the payments as high as possible.) She may spend it however she wishes. You pay the taxes on it, but she gets the tax deduction.
You could easily be left with monthly income of a few hundreds dollars and be forced to move in with relatives or sleep in your car. Once you have sold everything you own, borrowed from relatives, and maximized your credit cards, they then call you a "deadbeat dad" and take you away in handcuffs. You are told you have "abandoned" your children and incarcerated without trial.
Evidence indicates that, as men discover all this, they have already begun an impromptu marriage "strike": refusing to marry or start families, knowing they can be criminalized if their wife files for divorce. "Have anti-father family court policies led to a men's marriage strike?" ask Glenn Sacks and Dianna Thompson in the Philadelphia Enquirer. In Britain, fathers tour university campuses warning young men not to start families. In his book, From Courtship to Courtroom, Attorney Jed Abraham concludes that the only protection for men to avoid losing their children and everything else is not to start families in the first place.
Is it wise to disseminate such advice? If people stop marrying, what will become of the family and our civilization?
Marriage is already all but dead, legally speaking, and divorce is the principal reason. The fall in the Western birth rate is directly connected with divorce law.
It is also likely that same-sex marriage is being demanded only because of how heterosexuals have already debased marriage through divorce law. "The world of no-strings heterosexual hookups and 50% divorce rates preceded gay marriage," advocate Andrew Sullivan points out. "All homosexuals are saying...is that, under the current definition, there's no reason to exclude us. If you want to return straight marriage to the 1950s, go ahead. But until you do, the exclusion of gays is simply an anomaly – and a denial of basic civil equality."
We will not restore marriage by burying our heads in the sand; nor simply by preaching to young people to marry, as the Bush administration's government therapy programs now do. The way to restore marriage as an institution in which young people can place their trust, their children, and their lives is to make it an enforceable contract. We urgently need a national debate about divorce, child custody, and the terms under which the government can forcibly sunder the bonds between parents and their children. We owe it to future generations, if there are to be any.
Stephen Baskerville, Ph.D., is assistant professor of government at Patrick Henry College and President of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children. His book, Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family, has just been published by Cumberland House Publishing.
Sounds like someone has the “red eye” left over from an unfavorable family court proceeding...
My wife of 6 years decided she no longer wanted to be married. I thank GOD we didn’t have children. That was 14 years ago and I have not remarried and I have no regrets whatsoever.
Exactly. They need to quit acting like a bunch of victims. It takes two to end a marriage.
Marriages last because both partners are investing in it. If one stops investing in a marriage the other reacts to that and a marriage collapses. I’m no marriage expert but my husband invests in our marriage all the time. And when he invests in our marriage I invest right back. And it keeps us both in love with each other, faithful, and best of friends.
I think the NOW Hags have had a LARGE hand in this. Let’s place the blame where it belongs. The Democrats and the NOW Hags.
Not that anyone could’ve kept me pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen, but they sold millions of women a “Bill of Goods” that did nothing to advance a womans role in society other than set us up as workhorses and second-income earners at the expense of our kids. It did nothing but remove our spines and we’ve ended up with two generations now of fatherless kids and screwed up families.
I speak from experience. Mom left us when she was 40, to “find herself.” Yep. She “found herself” in the arms of another man.
Add me to the “Bitter Daughter’s Club,” and in my generation (1960-present), we are legion.
Divorced men who have been royally ripped off by so called "family courts".
I've been there, and looking back on it, I was lucky to get off as lightly as I did. Nowadays, I advise my young nephews (and nieces) not to think of marriage until they are in their late twenties/early thirties.
Feminism destroyed marriage and the family, as many conservatives predicted.
I have a friend in her late 50s who ended up with an income of $20,000/year, while her millionaire husband owns several homes, flies around the world on luxury business trips, and buys cars for his less-well-off relatives. I also know my brother, whose wife repeatedly cheated on him. He took parenting classes, and was able to demonstrate to court mediators that he was the one who got the kids up and off to school, cooked their meals, helped them with their homework, and put them to bed. He got primary custody--and this was in California.
Divorce is terrible for most people, I think, and for nearly all children.
I went through all this and it’s very accurate. Lucky for my kids they were all teens. I don’t know what happens to people that can make them turn on the ones they love but it happens all the time. My Ex did everything she could to ruin me and although my world was falling apart around me, I still had the love of my kids. I still demanded them show respect to their mother. They knew what was happening and through their love of me it made it bearable. I told my kids that because I had them, I would do it all over again.
Funny, I came to the same conclusion as Dr. Baskerville except I’m still married to my first wife of twenty years, and am in the process of adopting our first child.
I believe what you’re doing is called “blaming the victim.”
Cynical?
Sure. But look at the replies on this thread from those “bitter bachelors”.
I have 3 brothers who are members. And the stories they tell!
When one goes to court to complain they are being denied visitation, what does the judge do?
Why, she tells the mom to cooperate, but then - on a motion filed by the ex wife - she promptly raises his monthly child support payment.
Moral: Men are screwed each and every time they step into “family court”.
No more so than they are in danger of turning to bestiality.
” Not all women are so cold and calculating. “
Enough are to make marriage a risky endeavor — and those that aren’t can get lawyers that most emphatically are...
There’s the old joke about the fellow who finally got that marriage thing figured out — every five years he finds a woman he can’t stand and buys her a house.....
I have a better idea: marry women of character. If one remains paranoid, then make sure to stash away several tens of thousands of dollars in cash somewhere unbeknown to your spouse “in case”.
Sharria Law for Estrogen-Americans.
I agree with all he says. I advise my young troops: don't do it, you'll regret it to your dying day.
You posted my thoughts-
get involved in a good, TRADITIONAL Christian church, preferably a large one.
Be a good, traditional MAN. And find a good, traditional WOMAN.
Have no doubt, the secular socialists, acting as Satan’s direct tools, know that marriage is the basis of civilization, and they DO seek to destroy marriage AND traditional civilization.
People marry for all the wrong reasons. When I was a youngster, there was societal pressure to marry. I remember my mother telling me how lonely I was going to be if I didn’t marry. And that was pretty much the common theme back then. Marriage is a good thing, of course, but there are some people who simply should not marry. I’m one of them. I’m happy that I didn’t marry or have children. It’s just that I know I would not make a good wife or mother. A good marriage and successfully raising a family takes hard work, commitment and sacrifice. I know I don’t have what it takes, so why add to the statistics?
I've got half of that - the good children - and I do Thank God every day!
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