Posted on 11/13/2007 7:08:30 AM PST by Responsibility2nd
Marriage is a foundation of civilized life. No advanced civilization has ever existed without the married, two-parent family. Those who argue that our civilization needs healthy marriages to survive are not exaggerating.
And yet I cannot, in good conscience, urge young men to marry today. For many men (and some women), marriage has become nothing less than a one-way ticket to jail. Even the New York Times has reported on how easily "the divorce court leads to a jail cell," mostly for men. In fact, if I have one urgent piece of practical advice for young men today it is this: Do not marry and do not have children.
Spreading this message may also, in the long run, be the most effective method of saving marriage as an institution. For until we understand that the principal threat to marriage today is not cultural but political, and that it comes not from homosexuals but from heterosexuals, we will never reverse the decline of marriage. The main destroyer of marriage, it should be obvious, is divorce. Michael McManus of Marriage Savers points out that "divorce is a far more grievous blow to marriage than today's challenge by gays." The central problem is the divorce laws.
It is well known that half of all marriages end in divorce. But widespread misconceptions lead many to believe it cannot happen to them. Many conscientious people think they will never be divorced because they do not believe in it. In fact, it is likely to happen to you whether you wish it or not.
First, you do not have to agree to the divorce or commit any legal transgression. Under "no-fault" divorce laws, your spouse can divorce you unilaterally without giving any reasons. The judge will then grant the divorce automatically without any questions.
But further, not only does your spouse incur no penalty for breaking faith; she can actually profit enormously. Simply by filing for divorce, your spouse can take everything you have, also without giving any reasons. First, she will almost certainly get automatic and sole custody of your children and exclude you from them, without having to show that you have done anything wrong. Then any unauthorized contact with your children is a crime. Yes, for seeing your own children you will be subject to arrest.
There is no burden of proof on the court to justify why they are seizing control of your children and allowing your spouse to forcibly keep you from them. The burden of proof (and the financial burden) is on you to show why you should be allowed to see your children.
The divorce industry thus makes it very attractive for your spouse to divorce you and take your children. (All this earns money for lawyers whose bar associations control the careers of judges.) While property divisions and spousal support certainly favor women, the largest windfall comes through the children. With custody, she can then demand "child support" that may amount to half, two-thirds, or more of your income. (The amount is set by committees consisting of feminists, lawyers, and enforcement agents – all of whom have a vested interest in setting the payments as high as possible.) She may spend it however she wishes. You pay the taxes on it, but she gets the tax deduction.
You could easily be left with monthly income of a few hundreds dollars and be forced to move in with relatives or sleep in your car. Once you have sold everything you own, borrowed from relatives, and maximized your credit cards, they then call you a "deadbeat dad" and take you away in handcuffs. You are told you have "abandoned" your children and incarcerated without trial.
Evidence indicates that, as men discover all this, they have already begun an impromptu marriage "strike": refusing to marry or start families, knowing they can be criminalized if their wife files for divorce. "Have anti-father family court policies led to a men's marriage strike?" ask Glenn Sacks and Dianna Thompson in the Philadelphia Enquirer. In Britain, fathers tour university campuses warning young men not to start families. In his book, From Courtship to Courtroom, Attorney Jed Abraham concludes that the only protection for men to avoid losing their children and everything else is not to start families in the first place.
Is it wise to disseminate such advice? If people stop marrying, what will become of the family and our civilization?
Marriage is already all but dead, legally speaking, and divorce is the principal reason. The fall in the Western birth rate is directly connected with divorce law.
It is also likely that same-sex marriage is being demanded only because of how heterosexuals have already debased marriage through divorce law. "The world of no-strings heterosexual hookups and 50% divorce rates preceded gay marriage," advocate Andrew Sullivan points out. "All homosexuals are saying...is that, under the current definition, there's no reason to exclude us. If you want to return straight marriage to the 1950s, go ahead. But until you do, the exclusion of gays is simply an anomaly – and a denial of basic civil equality."
We will not restore marriage by burying our heads in the sand; nor simply by preaching to young people to marry, as the Bush administration's government therapy programs now do. The way to restore marriage as an institution in which young people can place their trust, their children, and their lives is to make it an enforceable contract. We urgently need a national debate about divorce, child custody, and the terms under which the government can forcibly sunder the bonds between parents and their children. We owe it to future generations, if there are to be any.
Stephen Baskerville, Ph.D., is assistant professor of government at Patrick Henry College and President of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children. His book, Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family, has just been published by Cumberland House Publishing.
What exactly is a ‘traditional’ woman?
Ah, but government does have a place in marriage.
Governments function best when healthy intact marriages are the rule instead of the exception.
Mom, dad and the kids provide a stronger economic base. They earn more. They raise better educated kids. There is less crime, less welfare. Fewer gangs, fewer dropouts. Less unwed teenagers. Higher standards of living, fewer prisons.
On and on I could go. The truth is that divorce is costing state and federal governments millions each day as this femi-nazi style of no-fault divorce continues to wreak havoc in our society.
And for the life of me, I don’t know why the morons we elect have allowed this to happen over the years.
Family court lawyers are failed ambulance chasers.
***
No, not really...well, at least around where I live. Many of them are young attorneys just cutting their teeth. It’s good experience for any attorney who wants to be a litigator.
But being a family court lawyer all the time is really not a good profession to go into. Most of the ones around here do that sort of thing as a sideline. Contrary to what many believe, for whatever profit these attorneys may make, the practice is really a major headache. Essentially, it’s not worth the money.
I once worked for one of those young lawyer divorce attorneys. He did that kind of work for the first two-three years of his practice, then he got out. He had these crazy women calling him at home at all hours of the night...miserable opponents and their attorneys, and judges who ruled in less than Solomon-like fashion. The practice was starting to take its toll on HIS marriage. Needless to say, he went on to other lines of legal work.
Just go to fredoneverything.net for several good articles about this.
A young man that marries in the US, in the current legal environment, is a fool.
And that even includes Christians. The divorce rate among Christians is, I believe, now actually HIGHER than the national average. ~80% of these are brought on by the wife.
Our culture is very, very sick right now.
A new Gallup poll of 1,010 adults shows most Americans are generally satisfied with the way their personal life is going.
But those with higher personal incomes and especially those who are married are more likely to say they’re very happy with their personal life.
Married adults at any income level were as likely, if not more likely, to report being happy than even the wealthiest unmarried adults.
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/news/20070104/marriage-beats-money-for-happiness
But those with higher personal incomes and especially those who are married are more likely to say they’re very happy with their personal life.
***
Ok....given that I’m not exactly wealthy and not married, I should be miserable. LOL
You sound like me 15 years ago. However, after being divorced “without cause” ten years ago after a 20 year marriage with three daughters and 18 years of church membership (and heavy involvement), I learned that really only God knows who is “believing”.
I also learned to apply the “hate what is evil” to my perspective on the US government. Family court is one of the most evil institutions ever devised by man.
We are sleepers.
Chicken Francaise is my personal favorite. Throw in some rice pilaf, squash casserole, and chocolate mousse for dessert and you’ve got my birthday dinner (and about 1 1/2 pounds of butter). The meal has put relatives into a gall bladder attack.
I’m advising my kids, male and female, not to marry without an Iron-Clad prenup that pre-dictates what the split is prior to divorce.
Some lawyers are starting to draft that sort of thing up, including visitation and the whole kit and kaboodle, from the get go.
It essentially dissolves the assets prior to the marriage by looking at it from the standpoint of equity. It also fully obligates both spouses monetarily and time-wise to the children.
There are also clauses there waiving the right to an abortion without consent, and remedies for coercive paternity (or maternity if she cheats on you).
She has the right to make you escrow genetic material in the case you wish to have a vasectomy, etc.
Oh, stop complaining. For a wise man who marries well, marriage can be one of the greatest things that ever happens to him.
My advice:
1. Choose your spouse carefully based on meaningful things like your religious beliefs, values, and the desire to build a family, not how she looks in a halter-top.
2. Take the oath seriously. Go into marriage knowing that divorce is not an option.
3. Have children.
4. Be willing to sacrifice your own wants and needs for the good of your wife and kids. A happy wife is a happy life.
Sure it does. So what? That's not the point of the article. The point is that the laws are heavily weighted against the man when the two DO end the marriage.
That time bomb just waiting out there makes it insanity for a young male to get married today. All the platitudes about marriage in the world won't change that fact.
LOL!!
It’s a fine line isn’t it?
Hubby is upset he’s put on 5 lbs since sept., but at the same time we both agree we don’t all sit down to a family dinner often enough during the week (kids in sports - hubby often has meetings - so eating quick convenient food is the rule around here)
Things will be a little slower through the winter, so I was hoping we could eat together more often and do it earlier in the evening so there’s more hours afterwards to burn some of it off.
In addition, my ex had all the fault (joined the rodeo if you know what I mean).
What made her decide to "join the rodeo"? Also all her fault, right?
Gotcha. I get it.
Because these people:
Divorced Mom, dad and the kids provide a weak economic base. They earn less. They raise poorly educated kids. There is more crime, more welfare. More gangs, more dropouts. More unwed teenagers. Lower standards of living, more prisons.
are their voter base...
When you are young there are church youth groups, college ministries and the like. When you are in your 30's and certainly 40's there are plenty of single women at any church. It's the 20's and early 30's when everyone is looking for marriage that the groups don't seem to be as strong for Christians. Most big churches/mega churches/etc. have singles groups . . . women from various churches around find out about it and come also. If they don't you can form one . . . I've also seen cruises for Christian Singles here in Florida, groups sign up for them. Just thinking out loud. Single women are often employed by the churches as well.
I never dated my husband. Not one single date. We’re heading toward 17 years of marital bliss.
A friend of mine is getting primary custody of his kids. He's getting married again soon, and so will have a 2-parent household for them. His ex-wife discovered that it's real hard to find a man that wants anything to do with a 30-something wife with young children from prior marriage, so she's letting them move in with him
My aunt had a daycare operation, and near the end of her retirement, as children moved on she didn’t accept anymore until there was just one left.
The mother would drop him off in the wee hours of the morning, and sometimes it would be 8:00pm before he’d get picked up. My aunt was nice, but she had her own life and would get extremely annoyed at the ever-increasing “something came up, and we’ll be late” phone calls.
She sat the mother down and talked to her about it one day. The mother went on and on about the high cost of living. Both she and her husband drove giant 4x4 pickup trucks, dressed like they lived in Hollywood, and lived in a ridiculously large house.
It wasn’t the high cost of living — it was the cost of high living, and the child paid for it dearly. My aunt confronted her one day and said something to the effect of, “Do you know your child is calling me Mommy, and I’m having to explain to him that you’re his Mom? Doesn’t that bother you at all?”
Evidently, it didn’t. They continued in this lifestyle until my aunt finally said “I’m too old for this.” I don’t know where that child is now, but I guarantee you, barring the grace of God, that he either has psychological problems or is a tyrant, because he doesn’t see his parents as authoritative (not only weren’t they there for him, they were overly permissive as his “reward”).
It’s simply unbelievable how selfish people can be. I know a lady who walked out of her family’s life, with her daughter about to be married. She decided she wanted to become a flight attendant — being a mother wasn’t good enough — and she just left them one day.
The communists of old would rejoice at what they were able to do to America without having to fire a shot. I’m sure present day communists are rejoicing.
“No offense intended, just curious:
In addition, my ex had all the fault (joined the rodeo if you know what I mean).
What made her decide to “join the rodeo”? Also all her fault, right?
Gotcha. I get it.”
I guess you have walked a mile in my shoes. Sorry, my bad. Didn’t notice my shoes had been missing.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.