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Why I Left My Beta Husband
MSN Lifestyle ^ | August 2007 | Amy Brayfield

Posted on 08/29/2007 2:18:39 AM PDT by Caipirabob

A few years ago, my husband, Mark, and I were at one of those hip downtown restaurants sipping mojitos and nibbling on lime-spiked seviche when one of my bosses appeared from a cloud of Cuban-cigar smoke and patted my shoulder. When I introduced him to Mark, he naturally asked what he did for a living. We both froze.

"I do some freelancing," Mark said.

"He studied film at NYU," I said at the same time.

Mark looked at me and shrugged. "I stay home with our daughter," he said, as my colleague quietly balked.

"He makes it possible for me to do my job," I said, laughing. But inside, I was mortified. Technically, I had it all back then, including a gorgeous toddler and a cool job.

What I didn't have was a husband I felt proud of.

(Excerpt) Read more at lifestyle.msn.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; Philosophy; Unclassified
KEYWORDS: divorce; feminism; marriage; narcissism; narcissist; relationships
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To: monkfan
That assumes her story to be accurate. Another possibility is that she exaggerates his shortcomings. Much like ex-spouses tend to do.

Well, yeah, and it is Marie Claire so it could entirely fictional. Those fashion magazines publish a lot of "but it could be true" stories written under pseudonyms.

301 posted on 08/29/2007 4:01:01 PM PDT by Drew68
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To: Caipirabob
"In retrospect, I realized I had this preconceived idea of what a sexy, attractive man should be like. I imagined being married to, well, someone like me. Someone whose job sounds interesting to other people. Someone who walks out the door with a pressed shirt on, a leather briefcase, and a confident gait. Someone who wins bread. Does that make me a sexist?"

No, honey, but it makes you one hell of a narcissist.

302 posted on 08/29/2007 4:04:53 PM PDT by SuziQ
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To: BearCub
The author (I think):

I just Googled her as well. If it is her, she sure spends a lot of time writing about babies and parenting.

Kinda funny when you think about it.

303 posted on 08/29/2007 4:05:20 PM PDT by Drew68
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To: normy

“For some reason too many women think they are way better than they are.”


This is especially true online. But in the last several years the amount of men seeking women has doubled or quadrupled the amount of women seeking men. Then you must contend with the women who are only posting their profile as an ego-boosting measure and have no intention of ever giving any respondent a SINCERE chance.

So when you have 5-10 guys for every woman (and let’s face it, it’s our constant quest to find va-jay-jay to put our genitals in) you have men who will ‘adjust downward’ their expectations for women and thus when all these relatively good looking men start hitting on/communicating with mediocre women, those women will get an inflated sense of themselves BUT one that is buttressed by experience and they WILL land themselves decent boyfriends or sexual partners-—ones above their ‘level.’

Now, in the real world, it’s a little different but most women who are average think they are much better than that because so many good-looking guys hit on them. For one, they THINK the guy is good-looking but that might not always be the case. And two, they don’t comprehend that the guy is not trying to marry them but just wants to ‘hit’ and that our standards for ‘hitting’ are not NEAR the standards for “marriage” or even “long-term relationship” or even “I’m OK with being seen out in public with you repeatedly.”

Thus, it throws the entire natural dynamic out of wack but there’s little we can do about it but exercise self-control and only try for women that we “can be seen out in public with on more than a few occasions.” At least :P

BTW, the thing about heels is absolutely true. Talked to a lot of women (or seen them online) who basically come out and say something so stupid. I can understand a really tall girl wanting a taller guy but what is funny to me are the oompa loompas who want someone a foot or more taller than them. I see more ‘average’ height women OK with men of below average-to slightly above average height. It’s a funny thing.


304 posted on 08/29/2007 4:40:01 PM PDT by Skywalk (Transdimensional Jihad!)
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To: durasell

It would be a lot easier to take your posts if you weren’t fellating NYC in every other reply.


305 posted on 08/29/2007 5:02:59 PM PDT by Skywalk (Transdimensional Jihad!)
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To: monkfan

Though it kind of came up earlier, I was amazed it took so long.

Could it be that SHE changed and her resentment of her husband undermined the relationship? That she latently understood her role and that it was HER acceptance of this new husband that enabled her to be so ‘turned’ on by him?

Hell, maybe the kid is older now and that affected the situation?


306 posted on 08/29/2007 5:09:40 PM PDT by Skywalk (Transdimensional Jihad!)
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To: GOP Poet
Girl couldn’t quite take personal responsibility and make changes herself. Throw him away. Next!! Repeat . . . repeat . . . repeat.

Knew one, threw first husband away, same with second. Threw lover away then the repeat thingie...catch and release program. Emotional immaturity and narcissistic. Sad. Started out with a very (false) wholesome image.

Men and women alike won't get anywhere if they can't love anyone but themselves.

307 posted on 08/29/2007 5:22:15 PM PDT by Syncro
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To: Uncle Ike

Accually I’m not immature far from it, i just don’t see the need to subject one self to the hassle of relationships when personal gratification can be had with just dateing. I’m a fulltime student in my second major, and bartender at a trendy club in our club district. There is absolutly no need to allow one person to control your world. Besides everyone dates here relationships are not the norm when there is so many singles in this city. 84% of 18-24 year olds are single in Austin and Austin is rated the number one city in the nation to be single in. Cheers.


308 posted on 08/29/2007 5:32:31 PM PDT by JDinAustin (Better to be tried by 12 than carried by 6.)
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To: avacado

The Wareshouse District...Wait in line for Gruv or Praque both places on a Sat. night are totally worth it. Blonde barbie dolls everywhere just looking for a sophiticated man to show them the world where all the younger boys have failed. Seriously though dress to impress slacks and a fitted button down is a must, and for god’s sake don’t order a domestic beer think a shanken dirty but dry Gibson made with Hendrick’s Gin nothing says I’m stable than a man who knows how to drink well, and is not afraid to spend 10 bucks a drink.


309 posted on 08/29/2007 5:41:56 PM PDT by JDinAustin (Better to be tried by 12 than carried by 6.)
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To: Maigrey

We must be very good partners,,this has never once been a problem in over 40 years. We don’t have disagreements that require one to “submit” to the other. Usually we see each other’s point so well and try to please the other and it is never an issue. The bigger problem actually is that both of us are self sacrificing. However, he and I agree on just about everything except my tendancy to get dings on my car which don’t bother me but drive him crazy. He hates my parking and I hate his. So whoever drives parks and that is the way it is. I don’t think either of us would marry anyone who was overbearing or disagreeable or selfish.

In short, if “submitting” is so much a part of one’s marriage, I suggest someone needs to grow up.


310 posted on 08/29/2007 6:14:23 PM PDT by cajungirl (no)
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To: Caipirabob

Has it occurred to anyone that this ignorant, narcissistic woman may have just hooked herself up with a child molester? She thinks he’s Mr. Perfect. He may have a hidden agenda and knows how to sweep a woman like her off her feet so he can get to the little girl.


311 posted on 08/29/2007 6:46:21 PM PDT by 3catsanadog (Vote for the person at the primaries; vote for the party at the election.)
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To: JDinAustin
"Blonde barbie dolls everywhere just looking for a sophiticated man to show them the world where all the younger boys have failed."

Damn! That sentence reads like a nice juicy rib-eye steak.

312 posted on 08/29/2007 6:58:36 PM PDT by avacado
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To: JDinAustin
"Seriously though dress to impress slacks and a fitted button down "

You got a link to a picture to the type of fitted button down you are talking about? Are you talking starched Polo button downs? That use to be the norm in Austin way back.

313 posted on 08/29/2007 7:04:09 PM PDT by avacado
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To: Donald Rumsfeld Fan; Caipirabob

I’ve never seen ceviche spelled with an S.. It can be many types of citrus marinated seafood and spices.

That woman is just toxic. I would hate to be around someone like that day in and day out.


314 posted on 08/29/2007 9:25:18 PM PDT by Trillian
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To: Skywalk

NYC is the environment. A polar bear makes no sense unless you understand the environment of the arctic. A camel makes no sense outside of a desert environment. This woman makes no sense unless the environment is understood.


315 posted on 08/29/2007 10:36:45 PM PDT by durasell (!)
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To: avacado

Still is Polo makes a good product. Armani but not Armani Exchange as all the posers have A|X. The dress at the upscale lounges is pretty trendy open GQ and look who the hot designer is this summer. Austin likes to claim it’s part of the fashion scene. The girls in Gruv or any other Austin upscale bar are looking for upper middle class men who are not afraid to spoil them a little. If you have the means they are more than willing to let you get away with murder with them. People get pissed about the lifestyle but thats how the upper middle class works your in or your not it really is that simple. Oh shoes very important make sure your in name brand shoes as girls notice that if you look good but don’t have expensive shoes they know posers when they see them. Disposable income is important shoes are a dead give away a person with disposable income have expensive shoes those who don’t well these shoes are a dead give away.


316 posted on 08/30/2007 1:56:01 AM PDT by JDinAustin (Better to be tried by 12 than carried by 6.)
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To: cajungirl

Nearly all feminists and some non-feminists don’t like the “submission” bit. Others wisely accept the scriptural roles of husband and wife, including the submission part. Of course, many people misinterpret the plain meaning of scripture. “Submission” doesn’t give license to the husband to rule over his wife like a tyrant. The husband may indeed have ultimate authority over his family, but he’s also ultimately responsible for it. Likewise, his authority only extends to what is scripturally correct. For example, he has no right whatsoever to force his wife to violate scripture.

Please read the entire “submission” section in context:

Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, be under the authority of your husbands, as of the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, being himself the savior of the body. 24 And as the church is under Christ’s authority, so let wives be under the rule of their husbands in all things. 25 Husbands, have love for your wives, even as Christ had love for the church, and gave himself for it; 26 So that he might make it holy, having made it clean with the washing of water by the word, 27 And might take it for himself, a church full of glory, not having one mark or fold or any such thing; but that it might be holy and complete. 28 Even so it is right for husbands to have love for their wives as for their bodies. He who has love for his wife has love for himself: 29 For no man ever had hate for his flesh; but he gives it food and takes care of it, even as Christ does for the church;”

Please note husbands are supposed to love their wives as Christ loves the church, an incredibly tough standard to meet!

I highly recommend you study the scriptures further. I know many Christians who follow scripture and have very joyful marriages as a result. When both spouses submit to the Lord’s authority and live accordingly, they are a powerful, unified, and joyful team. On the other hand, I know many other non-believing couples who constantly war against each other as each spouse attempts to be lord and master over the other.


317 posted on 08/30/2007 2:52:11 AM PDT by CitizenUSA
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To: cajungirl

cajungirl wrote: “We disagree and quoting the Bible does not bring agreement in this case.”

My apologies for replying with scripture. I didn’t read forward to this post.

So, you’re a nonbeliever, or you’re a believer who picks and chooses scripture as you see fit. If you’re a nonbeliever, why did you reply to my original post in the first place? It was clearly written from a scriptural/religious perspective. If you dislike scripture and/or Christianity, why start a debate that you subsequently refuse to engage in?


318 posted on 08/30/2007 3:12:13 AM PDT by CitizenUSA
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To: durasell

durasell wrote: “Women, for reasons that escape men, like to read about clothing they can’t afford, look at bodies they don’t have, and learn about the lives they will never live. Men just like to look at pictures of cars and babes, or pictures of cars with babes draped over them. A much simpler formula.”

That got a chuckle out of me. Well said (and mostly true, too)!


319 posted on 08/30/2007 3:21:03 AM PDT by CitizenUSA
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To: Skywalk
Now, in the real world, it’s a little different but most women who are average think they are much better than that because so many good-looking guys hit on them. For one, they THINK the guy is good-looking but that might not always be the case. And two, they don’t comprehend that the guy is not trying to marry them but just wants to ‘hit’ and that our standards for ‘hitting’ are not NEAR the standards for “marriage” or even “long-term relationship” or even “I’m OK with being seen out in public with you repeatedly.” Thus, it throws the entire natural dynamic out of wack but there’s little we can do about it but exercise self-control and only try for women that we “can be seen out in public with on more than a few occasions.”

True word my friend. Its really up to us isn't it. Of course in our younger years girls were not so damn easy so we naturally lowered our expectations. Today they are worse than men so we should make an effort to raise them again, or quit trying to get laid.

320 posted on 08/30/2007 3:27:29 AM PDT by normy (Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft.)
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