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Groaner Puns (Your favorite?)

Posted on 08/22/2007 2:23:11 PM PDT by VA Voter

Q. What is a cesarean section?

A. A womb with a view.


TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: freepun; humor; jokes; lol; pun; puns
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To: VA Voter

So this gnu walks into a bar, orders a beer, and starts tiling the floor.

Bartender says “He’s a typical gnu, and a tiler, too”


81 posted on 08/22/2007 3:07:51 PM PDT by P.O.E. (School's Out. Drive Safely)
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To: VA Voter

What’s the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a woman’s track team?

One’s a bunch of cunning runts and the other is a bunch of running.... oh never mind.


82 posted on 08/22/2007 3:08:00 PM PDT by Locomotive Breath
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To: Political Junkie Too

What do you call a dwarf novelist writing under an asumed name?

A Gnome d’ Plume.


83 posted on 08/22/2007 3:08:50 PM PDT by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
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To: VA Voter

Lura is on vacation in the Russian mountains, and decides to nude sunbathe on her balcony. She gets a bad sunburn, and goes to the doctor. She wants to know if she should go on a weeklong horseback riding trip with her boyfriend, or make up some story why she can’t go. Doc says:

“Tour all Ural Lura? Too raw Lura, lie”


84 posted on 08/22/2007 3:10:44 PM PDT by P.O.E. (School's Out. Drive Safely)
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To: Responsibility2nd
Why am I doing this?????


85 posted on 08/22/2007 3:10:59 PM PDT by Responsibility2nd
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To: VA Voter

I hate the ones which obviously involved no effort at all:

Time wounds all heals.


86 posted on 08/22/2007 3:11:15 PM PDT by Petronski (Why would Romney lie about Ronald Reagan's record?)
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To: Locomotive Breath

A bunch of ZAPPY headed hos?


87 posted on 08/22/2007 3:11:20 PM PDT by KenHorse (It may be the only purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others)
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To: Responsibility2nd
Visualize Whirled Peas

88 posted on 08/22/2007 3:11:51 PM PDT by Lucky9teen (Those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it.)
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To: guinnessman

My daughter’s teacher told her, “You remind me of young me.” Then he paused and said, “She was a Chinese girl in my class last year.”


89 posted on 08/22/2007 3:12:57 PM PDT by Piranha
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To: dan1123
From the late great Red Foxx:

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

The pickpocket snatches watches.

90 posted on 08/22/2007 3:12:58 PM PDT by Petronski (Why would Romney lie about Ronald Reagan's record?)
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To: KenHorse

Free ham?


91 posted on 08/22/2007 3:14:13 PM PDT by noexcuses
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To: Piranha

Over The Cliff by Hugo First.

The Cat’s Revenge by Claude Bottom.

Modern Giants by Hugh Mungous.

Rusty Bedsprings by I.P. Nightly.

Chicken Dishes by Nora Drumsticks.

Slept Right Throught It by R.E. Classes.

Severed Joints by Arm Less.

Outer Space by A. Leanne.

Women Rule by Iam Write.

The End of the World by Armageddin Outtahere

Blonde Hair by Bim Bow

Hide and Seek by I.C. You

Dangerous Animals by Mann Eaters

I’m Gods Gift to Women by P. Rick

Advanced Maths by Smart E. Pants

Bubbles in the Bathtub by Ivor Windybottom.

A Stitch in Time by Justin Case

Chest Pain by I. Coffalot

Bad Falls by Eileen Dover

Run to the Loo by Willie Makeit

Body Parts by Anne Atomy

Drinking Problems by Imorf Mihead

Waste Dumps by I. Saw

Chauvinistic Men by A. Lone

Where’s the Toilet by Ivona Tinkle

Holiday Spots by Sandie Beaches

Drinking Problems by Al Coholic

Somethings Out There by Will B. Watchinu

A lot of Rain by Ingar Land

Free Willy by Freda Wale

One Night Stands by Amanda Use

Uncomfortable Feelings by Jock Strap

Erotic Adventures by Oliver Klozoff.

Moon Phases by Seymour Butts

How to Get Rid of Unwanted Guests by Bea O’Problem

Land Ahoy by I.C.Fields

Great Sex by Ivana humpalot

Sexual Organs by Jenna Talia

How to jump off a cliff : The Professional Way by Sue E. Sidel

Become a comedian: The Easy Way by Joe King

Rough Sex by Ben Twilly

I want to Become a Woman NOW!!! by Paul Mcokof

Donaters Get Ready by Ivan A. Bolock

I can’t Think Properly by Dick Head

How to be a Problem in the Army by Major Asshole

I Will Get my Revenge by Yule B. Sari

Causing a Mess at a Dinner Party by Cho Kon It

Bubbles in the Bath by Ivor Windybottom

How to get rich by Robin Banks

The secret life of Lemmings by Hugo First

Glass Houses by Eva Brick

Flea Circus by Ivan Elovanitch


92 posted on 08/22/2007 3:16:32 PM PDT by Lucky9teen (Those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it.)
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To: Locomotive Breath

Why didn’t Rosie O get the job at the U.N.?

The ad was for a cunning linguist.


93 posted on 08/22/2007 3:16:46 PM PDT by LexBaird (Tyrannosaurus Lex, unapologetic carnivore)
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To: Locomotive Breath
I heard this one told by Redd Foxx:

What's the difference between a pick pocket, and a peeping tom?
A pick pocket snatches watches....

Hear about the woman that backed into an airplane propeller?
Disaster!

Two guys walk into a bar.
You'd think the second guy would duck....

94 posted on 08/22/2007 3:18:37 PM PDT by dirtbiker (I tried to see things from the liberal point-of-view, but I couldn't get my head up my a$$...)
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To: Petronski

Good one.

And what’s the difference between a Ritz Cracker and a lesbian?

One’s a snack cracker, and the other is a crack snacker.

(wait, can I say that here?)


95 posted on 08/22/2007 3:19:49 PM PDT by Responsibility2nd
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To: Petronski

You beat me to it! LOL!


96 posted on 08/22/2007 3:20:32 PM PDT by dirtbiker (I tried to see things from the liberal point-of-view, but I couldn't get my head up my a$$...)
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To: Responsibility2nd
VISUALIZE
WHIRLED
PEAS

97 posted on 08/22/2007 3:20:36 PM PDT by Petronski (Why would Romney lie about Ronald Reagan's record?)
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To: Political Junkie Too

What lies on the bottom of the ocean

Q, What is twelve feet long and pink
Lies on the bottom of the ocean?

A Moby Dick


98 posted on 08/22/2007 3:21:19 PM PDT by buck61
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To: Responsibility2nd

Can you say that here?

Briefly.


99 posted on 08/22/2007 3:21:39 PM PDT by Petronski (Why would Romney lie about Ronald Reagan's record?)
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To: VA Voter

100 posted on 08/22/2007 3:23:09 PM PDT by Lonesome in Massachussets (NYT Headline: Protocols of the Learned Elders of CBS: Fake but Accurate, Experts Say)
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