The ads rot, but the jokes work for me.
Posted on 05/19/2007 7:31:38 AM PDT by Congressman Billybob
There are certain categories of ads on TV which offend me, and no doubt you, whenever they appear. There are the impotence ads. (Known as “E.D.” to its friends.) Plus the constipation/diarrhea ads. Plus the mobility (scooter) ads. The implication is that older men can’t get it up, can’t get it out, or can’t get it moving. Throw in the Alzheimer ads, and we can’t remember whether we’ve done any of that.
I say “we” because all these annoying ads are my fault. Yes, mine, and I apologize.
Yes, I am falling apart. It was only a month ago that I found out that gout is not an ancient disease that was wiped out shortly after Ben Franklin died. It’s a modern disease, with about the pain level of dropping a one gallon can of paint on your toes. Repeatedly. On both feet.
Fortunately, gout is also highly treatable and disappears entirely. That’s good, because both of my regular doctors are fellow sufferers, and therefore highly sympathetic. But that’s not the reason these ads are my fault.
When you go into Burger King or whatever, do you pay attention to the canned music playing in the background? It’s all generic; they pour syrup on the music and the instruments, so the result is non-offensive. With a little work, you can figure out what classic tunes are being kicked while they are down.
No matter where you go, most generic music is stuck in the sixties, with touches of the late fifties and early seventies. And all that musical boredom is also my fault. Sorry about that.
Advertising goes where the money is – of course. And people who are on the slippery slope to high-stakes bingo and budget cruise ships, spend more money per head than anyone else, because we are coming apart at the seams. But most important, there are more of us than any other demographic group.
I’m at the leading edge of the Baby Boomers. Sometimes, the definition of us starts at the end of WW II. Other times it is more generous, and includes me by adding all who were born during that War.
Think back to kindergarten. The kids whose names started with “A” always got the cold milk and the unbroken cookies. Well, that’s the way it has been for Baby Boomers every year since we first started to have disposable income.
We are the rat in the demographic snake. From music, to movies, to all forms of communication, our tastes have dominated over your tastes, regardless of which generation you’re in, other than ours. And now that we are falling apart absent chemical or surgical enhancement, these ads are the result.
I didn’t do this on purpose. And I didn’t do it alone. But all this is my fault. Right after a spate of ads for nursing homes and prosthetic parts, plus maybe a touch of elaborate funeral homes, we’ll be out of here and y’all can get the popular culture back.
Personally, I’m stubborn. I intend to stick around and see what comes next. Give it your best shot. I promise to be patient, and tolerant. Starting in about ten years.
Of course, there is the little matter that our retirement will destroy Social Security and bankrupt the US government. But that’s an apology for another day.
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About the Author: John Armor practiced in the US Supreme Court for 33 years. John_Armor@aya.yale.edu He lives in the 11th District of North Carolina.
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Then the picture switches to a male incontinence "diaper" that offers the kind of protection you need for a long ride.
There is something about this that is just WRONG!
LOL. My husband just saw this ad for the first time last night and was horrified! LMAO!
E.D. Hill from Fox News must be really enthusiastic about this abbreviation coming into regular use. /sarc
A little cherry juice and gout goes bye-bye..
Those Geico ads are crazy. I envy the guys who get paid to sit around and think that stuff up. My favorite radio spots are the Budweiser “Real Men of Genius” series.
I thought you were talking about all the people who threaten to bolt to a third party.
It's all in how you pronounce 'GEICO'.
The first time he had it the cure was worse than the problem. He now relies on tea tree oil and cherries. Hasn't had a complete flare up in years.
I wouldn’t buy anything from Geico just because the people I have known who had it said they were expensive.
After my first gout attack in 1986, I figured out that gout was God’s way of evening the playing field between men and women: I don’t think childbirth can be any more painful than gout. Thank God for indomecithin.
Well, I’m still trying to figure out why taking Ed drugs makes couples want to relax in seperate bathtubs overlooking the Grand Canyon.
It’s not necessarily an older person’s problem. I’ve had it a few times starting from my twenties. I thought nothing could be worse than gout pain, where even the slight movement of air around your foot, or other affected joint, was unbearable.
I recently sprained my SI joint; that’s the first pain I’ve ever felt that put gout to shame. It was only what I can describe as “white out” pain, where trying to stand brought such a level of pain that everything just whited out for a second.
The Gout, by James Gillray.
Very well done. I like this one a lot. Thanks for the chuckles.
Not to dismiss the pain of gout but I've heard that women have a higher tolerance for pain than men. That's why many men act like such babies when they have a cold.
Peer reviewed research link requested.
Many men bitch when they have a cold.
Many women bitch all of the time.
“Born to Wet & Wild”
Get your motor runnin’
Head out on the highway
Lookin’ for a diaper
in a store on the way.
Please pardon my momentary lapse into Blasphemy!
E.D.? I thought it was R.D. You know, reptile dysfunction.
Do you feel fresh?
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