Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Fat Offsets
3/21/2007 | Me

Posted on 03/21/2007 4:08:44 PM PDT by BigBlueJon

I am offering a breakthrough idea of magnificent proportions. Fat Offsets! No longer do you have to suffer from obesity. No longer do you have to hear jokes about love handles, padunkadunk butts, or other comments or phrases having the word "lard" in it.

How does this work, you say? Well, you can buy "Fat Offsets." What does this mean? Offset means “neutralize,” “balance,” or “cancel out.” When we do certain activities like gorge our guts, stuff our faces or eat till our eyes bulge out we produce large amounts of Fat, or Adipose Tissue.

Fat offsets counteract these activities by funding projects that remove unwanted body fat from other people. You do not have to lose weight. You can pay for other people to lose weight for you by purchacing Fat Offsets.

When you buy a fat offset, therefore, you are paying to reduce the amount of fats in the world all the while feeling guilt free and very full.

Fat offsets are an easy and affordable way to compensate for our contribution to global obesity. They are a critical piece of the solution to global fattening because they push investments into new technologies and programs that make a difference today.

Fat Offsets are the answer for people both young and old. Why lose weight when you can pay someone else to lose it for you. You can eat all that you want and know that you are making a difference because someone, somewhere is working out and dieting anyway.

Feel good about yourself and feel guilt free. Fat Offsets are the answer for a feel good future and a world where thin and fat can live together in peace and harmony.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: fatassness; fatoffsets; goracle; manbearpig; offsets; scam
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-4041-6061-75 next last
You can pay me now with cash, check or credit card to buy your Fat Offsets today. Know that your dollars are going to a good cause and that not only will you feel good, you'll feel guilt free.
1 posted on 03/21/2007 4:08:45 PM PDT by BigBlueJon
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: BigBlueJon

Gore should be a good customer!


2 posted on 03/21/2007 4:10:34 PM PDT by Anti-Bubba182
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: BigBlueJon

Rosie would corner the market..


3 posted on 03/21/2007 4:11:11 PM PDT by vietvet67
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: BigBlueJon

Are these fat offsets carbon neutral?

If so count me in for a 100!


4 posted on 03/21/2007 4:11:38 PM PDT by spikeytx86 (Pray for Democrats for they have been brainwashed by their fruity little club.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: BigBlueJon

LOL Good one! ^5's


5 posted on 03/21/2007 4:12:06 PM PDT by moonman
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Anti-Bubba182

Gore is who "sob, sniff, snort" inspired me.


6 posted on 03/21/2007 4:12:11 PM PDT by BigBlueJon (Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas to bed.......Jack Bauer wears George W pajamas.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: vietvet67

I'm expecting her check any time.


7 posted on 03/21/2007 4:12:34 PM PDT by BigBlueJon (Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas to bed.......Jack Bauer wears George W pajamas.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: spikeytx86

Carbon neutral......

Sure, send me a check and you'll at least feel better about one of them.


8 posted on 03/21/2007 4:15:01 PM PDT by BigBlueJon (Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas to bed.......Jack Bauer wears George W pajamas.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: BigBlueJon

How much to offset grain fed beef with a butter and sour cream drenched potato and creamed spinach stuffed in mushroom caps?

Will you eat a bowl of sawdust as part of the offset?


9 posted on 03/21/2007 4:15:04 PM PDT by doodad
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: BigBlueJon

Checks in the mail! Gee I hope I sealed the envelope...


10 posted on 03/21/2007 4:16:12 PM PDT by spikeytx86 (Pray for Democrats for they have been brainwashed by their fruity little club.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: doodad

It's nothing really that I am personally doing. Just know that someone is losing weight for you. I just collect the money that will go to Fat Offset research.


11 posted on 03/21/2007 4:17:07 PM PDT by BigBlueJon (Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas to bed.......Jack Bauer wears George W pajamas.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: spikeytx86

Thank you. See you're feeling better already.


12 posted on 03/21/2007 4:17:50 PM PDT by BigBlueJon (Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas to bed.......Jack Bauer wears George W pajamas.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: BigBlueJon

How about ignorance offsets for liberal?


13 posted on 03/21/2007 4:17:57 PM PDT by mountainlyons (Hard core conservative)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: mountainlyons

Offsets for ignorant liberals?.....

Small steps my friend, small steps.


14 posted on 03/21/2007 4:21:16 PM PDT by BigBlueJon (Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas to bed.......Jack Bauer wears George W pajamas.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: BigBlueJon
When you buy a fat offset, therefore, you are paying to reduce the amount of fats in the world all the while feeling guilt free and very full.

Count me in!

It's just money that I would spend on food anyway.

This way I can feel good about contributing and be a living memory of the Nazi concentration camps to boot!

Boy, I feel better already.

15 posted on 03/21/2007 4:21:25 PM PDT by EGPWS (Trust in God, question everyone else)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: BigBlueJon

Hmm I don't know. I really would prefer a quicker offset like eating tree bark and slime mold growing in an organic pesticide free environment. I may need to go with Calorica$h for my offset needs.


16 posted on 03/21/2007 4:21:40 PM PDT by doodad
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: mountainlyons

Oh come on, be real...

No one has that much money...


17 posted on 03/21/2007 4:23:05 PM PDT by ejonesie22
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: BigBlueJon

I demand some truth in advertising before considering this as a plan to assuage my guilt! You should at least post a picture of yourself so we can judge the quality of the offsets we will be purchasing!


18 posted on 03/21/2007 4:24:29 PM PDT by 6ppc (Call Photo Reuters, that's the name, and away goes truth right down the drain. Photo Reuters!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: EGPWS

Nazi camps?

No, your money will help in the cause of "body fat" reduction, not eliminating "fatties."


19 posted on 03/21/2007 4:25:19 PM PDT by BigBlueJon (Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas to bed.......Jack Bauer wears George W pajamas.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: BigBlueJon
I can eat as much as I want and you can pay me for the privilege of my being a glutton.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus

20 posted on 03/21/2007 4:25:34 PM PDT by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives In My Heart Forever)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-4041-6061-75 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson