Posted on 03/21/2007 4:08:44 PM PDT by BigBlueJon
I am offering a breakthrough idea of magnificent proportions. Fat Offsets! No longer do you have to suffer from obesity. No longer do you have to hear jokes about love handles, padunkadunk butts, or other comments or phrases having the word "lard" in it.
How does this work, you say? Well, you can buy "Fat Offsets." What does this mean? Offset means “neutralize,” “balance,” or “cancel out.” When we do certain activities like gorge our guts, stuff our faces or eat till our eyes bulge out we produce large amounts of Fat, or Adipose Tissue.
Fat offsets counteract these activities by funding projects that remove unwanted body fat from other people. You do not have to lose weight. You can pay for other people to lose weight for you by purchacing Fat Offsets.
When you buy a fat offset, therefore, you are paying to reduce the amount of fats in the world all the while feeling guilt free and very full.
Fat offsets are an easy and affordable way to compensate for our contribution to global obesity. They are a critical piece of the solution to global fattening because they push investments into new technologies and programs that make a difference today.
Fat Offsets are the answer for people both young and old. Why lose weight when you can pay someone else to lose it for you. You can eat all that you want and know that you are making a difference because someone, somewhere is working out and dieting anyway.
Feel good about yourself and feel guilt free. Fat Offsets are the answer for a feel good future and a world where thin and fat can live together in peace and harmony.
Gore should be a good customer!
Rosie would corner the market..
Are these fat offsets carbon neutral?
If so count me in for a 100!
LOL Good one! ^5's
Gore is who "sob, sniff, snort" inspired me.
I'm expecting her check any time.
Carbon neutral......
Sure, send me a check and you'll at least feel better about one of them.
How much to offset grain fed beef with a butter and sour cream drenched potato and creamed spinach stuffed in mushroom caps?
Will you eat a bowl of sawdust as part of the offset?
Checks in the mail! Gee I hope I sealed the envelope...
It's nothing really that I am personally doing. Just know that someone is losing weight for you. I just collect the money that will go to Fat Offset research.
Thank you. See you're feeling better already.
How about ignorance offsets for liberal?
Offsets for ignorant liberals?.....
Small steps my friend, small steps.
Count me in!
It's just money that I would spend on food anyway.
This way I can feel good about contributing and be a living memory of the Nazi concentration camps to boot!
Boy, I feel better already.
Hmm I don't know. I really would prefer a quicker offset like eating tree bark and slime mold growing in an organic pesticide free environment. I may need to go with Calorica$h for my offset needs.
Oh come on, be real...
No one has that much money...
I demand some truth in advertising before considering this as a plan to assuage my guilt! You should at least post a picture of yourself so we can judge the quality of the offsets we will be purchasing!
Nazi camps?
No, your money will help in the cause of "body fat" reduction, not eliminating "fatties."
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus
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