Anatomy of a Hoax

American Spectator ^ | 9 Feb 07 | Lawrence Henry

[rellimpank]

Some years ago, when I was freelancing at a mutual fund company, I took a break to go downstairs and smoke my pipe. On my way back upstairs, I found myself sharing the elevator with one of my co-workers in the corporate communications department.

"Ewww, smoke!" she exclaimed. "Let me out of here! I don't want you to give me cancer!"

Let's absorb this slowly. My fellow worker thought that: 1) Cancer was contagious. 2) She could "catch" cancer from the smell of tobacco smoke clinging to my clothes -- not from the smoke itself, which was long gone outdoors, but from the smell alone.

She was a dish, too. Pity.

[rellimpank]

--wisest words in the last patagraph--

[RexBeach]

Not only that, but it's a well known fact that if you smoke, when you die, you go straight to Hell.

Did you know that?

[xcamel]

Great read..

[Domicile of Doom]

I would have replied "eew cold sore I don't want your damn herpes"

[IronJack]

I really think that half the reason we are seeing so much agitation in the world is just old-fashioned boredom. Not the "There's nothing to do around here" kind of Saturday-afternoon layabout boredom, but a spiritual ennui that is a direct result of material surfeit.

All the bridges have been built. All the mountains have been climbed. All the challenges have been met and overcome, and in the minds of some, that leaves our world with nothing to do, no reason to go on. So they either invent "causes" or start movements that will tear it all down so they can start over.

It's no surprise that the anarchist movement has re-emerged, and that generations in Europe and even here in the United States are turning their backs on historical notions of "success." We call them "slackers" and "Gen Y" and a host of other disparaging names, but they reflect the emptiness that defines the post-modern world.

Something will move in to fill the void. Nature abhorreth a vacuum.

[savedbygrace]

Not only that, but it's a well known fact that if you smoke, when you die, you go straight to Hell.

No, you'll only smell like you did.

(Har, har, har. We've never heard that one before.)

[HEY4QDEMS]

Short form: If everybody is saying it, it's probably wrong.

Truer words have seldom been spoken.

[Balding_Eagle]

I think you're right.

The forerunner in the race to fill the vacuum is Islam.

It's going to be an exciting finish!

[Dixie Yooper]

If you smoke, you smell. If you smoke a pipe, not only do you look like someone who wants people to thing you look sophisticated, you also have to carry around a pipe that smells. If you smell bad enough, you stink. Since your mouth, throat, sinuses and nostrils are coated with tobacco slime, you can't tell that you stink. The nice looking girl who pretended like she was afraid she was going to catch cancer from having to share an elevator cab with you was just trying to tell you in a nice way that your a smelly, stinky person.

[Artemis Webb]

Well said.

[USMCWife6869]

I really enjoyed this piece. Very true.

[Holicheese]

A wise man once said, "I would rather date a 6 that I agreed with than a 10 that was a liberal."

[Tenacious 1]

[I really think that half the reason we are seeing so much agitation in the world is just old-fashioned boredom. Not the "There's nothing to do around here" kind of Saturday-afternoon layabout boredom, but a spiritual ennui that is a direct result of material surfeit.]

Hysteria is big business in the media. First they create it, then they report it. The more people that get drawn into the hysteria, the more advertising in the midst of hysteria costs, the more money is made.

Hysteria is personal for the social bubble clicks in the elite echelon ranks of the rich and famous. They strive to attain some sense of self worth. In their own minds, self worth is the measure of what your social bubble colleagues think of you. If you are Alec Baldwin, it is important that Martin Sheen think you are making a difference in the world. This makes Alec feel good.

Hysteria is a tool for politicians. The more hysteria there is, the more justification for legislation, the more important they are, the more their face is on TV, the more spots they will get in the history books. Hysteria gives them an opportunity to react with media sound bytes.

Oddly, all three of these groups work in unison to feed to and off of each other. The rest of America seems to just let the hysteria become everyday life and absorbs it as fact after hearing the same crap enough. A few (like those posting and reading hear) challenge the fodder and educate themselves by exploring alternate information sources.

[-YYZ-]

No, she was either incredibly stupid, or insufferably rude. As are your comments. I thought people from the South were renowned for their politeness, but apparently none of it has rubbed off on you.

[Eric in the Ozarks]

I think you nailed it. Add to your list, the occasional fire in your pants pocket from spilled ashes.

[IronJack]

All good points.

[bondjamesbond]

Government began way back in the Primatene mists when somebody threw a barrier across a road and demanded a bribe for passage. Governance, a necessary evil, starts with extortion.

Excellent. Really excellent. I especially like the Primatene mists reference. Nicely scientific sounding, and complete nonsense.

[ctdonath2]

Agreed. People NEED stress, NEED something to fight. Lacking maurading hoards, crop failures, elusive game, hypo/hyper-thermia, etc. they must find challenges and opponents from ... instant cash from ATMs, quality cheap food delivered, controlled atmospheres, clean water, ... there just isn't anything to get worked up about. Everything is perfect. Even our poor are fat, watch cable TV, and have air conditioners. Faced with the great evils of secondhand smoke, trans-fats, etc. and working gruelling 40-hour weeks, we barely live to our what, 90s?

The challenges are gone. The height of civilization has been reached. Bored silly, we need SOMETHING to rail against, view as life-threatening, hate, oppose, worry about.

Interesting how some fiction captures the concept well:

Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program. Entire crops were lost. Some believed we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect world. But I believe that, as a species, human beings define their reality through suffering and misery. The perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why the Matrix was redesigned to this: the peak of your civilization.
- Agent Smith, _The_Matrix_

and while I can't find the quote offhand, H2G2 notes that future medical science reaches the point where all injuries and diseases are eradicated, boring everyone to the point that artifically induced injuries are provided to motivate people again.

[reagan_fanatic]

LOL. I don't smoke, but I dated a girl once who smoked about two packs a day. Everytime I kissed her it was like kissing a dirty ashtray. Even with rinsing, she couldn't get that taste out of her mouth. Didn't seem to bother her, though.

[IronJack]

The paradox of utopian dysfunction is a common theme in science fiction. Like so many lofty goals, paradise only draws us until we reach it. The thrill of the hunt ends with the capture.