Katie Couric–Death throes of a media dinosaur

Canada Free Press ^ | August 4, 2006 | John Burtis

[Caleb1411]

In its last gasps a large animal is known to thrash around. Dinosaur fossils are often found in a classic death pose, with their heads bent backwards and their tails twisted up.

I don’t mean Fidel Castro, who may be thrashing around in one of his first rate national health care beds right now, relying on the tender ministrations of a group of doctors feverishly working over him at the point of drawn Tokarev pistols and a few AK-74 rifles to insure medical accuracy and to lessen the chance of those dreaded "slip ups," which might foreshorten his colorful and revolutionary life.

Rather it is with CBS, who’s twisting itself all out of shape preparing itself for the fabled return of its precious sojourning diva, the sainted Katie Couric, now that she’s all calmed down and no longer scaring the very dickens out of the flying public with her riotous antics aboard underway aircraft during her conniption fits over a quick return for lost companions and pets.

At least the boyos in the glass house hope she’s back on an even keel because they’ve got big money riding on her.

"Hey," one of them hollers from the back of the cubicles, "Have we got the key woman insurance in place yet? In case some bozo throttles her during one of her tantrums? Yeah? Whew!"

As they used to say under Barnum & Bailey’s big top, it’s all show business. And if you don’t know what it is, it’s jazz.

But CBS is slowly bringing things together for her arrival, with a peppy new song by James Horner, fresh from the Titanic overture, which all the honchos at the network hope isn’t a precursor of future success. It’ll be heavy on the subwoofers, though, to lend gravitas to the pert little

[Caleb1411]

. . .Katie was a dinosaur long before she began her famed listening tour. Her extinction began when the networks forgot about any semblance of the truth, and began wrapping it with what Winston Churchill termed a "bodyguard of lies."

[ClearCase_guy]

Rather it is with CBS, who’s twisting itself all out of shape preparing itself for the fabled return of its precious sojourning diva, the sainted Katie Couric, now that she’s all calmed down and no longer scaring the very dickens out of the flying public with her riotous antics aboard underway aircraft during her conniption fits over a quick return for lost companions and pets.

The Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest finished up a few weeks ago, I think.

[GianniV]

I can't wait for her hard-hitting stories on the positive effects of concealed-carry laws, the downsides of day care, and the trauma felt by women who've had abortions.

[xkaydet65]

Churchill protected the 'truth" with a "bodyguard of lies". The MSM warps and disfigures the truth with its coterie of lies.

[andyandval]

Calling abb.

Canadafreepress is plagiarizing your trademarked subhead.

:^)

[Milhous]

Lots of allegory in this story. ;)

Weird scenes inside the feminist allegory: Her Royal Perkiness acts like a dumb cluck going around laying SeeBS eggs all over the place. (Image courtesy of demkicker's entertaining funny thread full of the usual suspects at The Summit on Something.)

[gcruse]

I'll put him down for an "undecided."

[SerpentDove]

I agreed with the writer's main points, but the writing was terrible.

[1Old Pro]

Network News has become a form of liberally biased entertainment.

Unfortunately, outspoken liberal entertainment doesn't work, ask talk show host Mario Cuomo or the singers in the Dixie chick band.

[george76]

[JennysCool]

the writing was terrible.

Just awful. A case of the cutes mixed with a limited knowledge of grammar. Always a bad combination.

[Lando Lincoln]

Canadians can talk funny sometimes.

-- Throw the cow over the fence some hay.
-- Throw me down the stairs my hat.
-- Throw Mama from the train a kiss.

(They throw things around a lot, I guess.)

Lando

[ncountylee]

Canadians can talk funny sometimes.

Burtis is an American.

[Lando Lincoln]

I guess he didn't translate!

[Grampa Dave]

'The elite owners/publishers of ABCNNBCBS and the major dinosaur fishwraps are the modern day, Norman Bates. They are trying to keep the corpses alive by refusing to admit that they are dead and to bury them.'

[FreedomProtector]

'still can't get the image out of my mind of her visably crying on air when Republicains won the last election....

[maine-iac7]

There comes an age when perky ain't cute anymore - when someone who reaches middle age+ but tries to hang onto her youthful look/persona instead of embracing the gravitas- maturity that could be an asset, they appear pathetic.

Katie's wrinkles are showing - hmmm , wonder if the extended time lapse between leaving her old job and taking on her new one is being used to get a younger face - ala Gretta?

[ReleaseTheHounds]

At least CBSNEWS engaged a great music writer for whatever theme song they needed... The "Titanic" score is probably the appropriate analogy for CBS but I thought Horner's best recent score was for "The Spitfire Grill". JMHO.

[Jan Hus]

FWIW SeeBS has hired the guy that wrote the music for the movie "Titanic" to compose new theme music for Katies' September 5 debut."Theres No Business Like Show Business"!