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Open Editorial: You Named Your Baby WHAT???
Onyx Magazine ^ | March, 2006 | Josephine Hammond

Posted on 03/30/2006 12:41:35 PM PST by twippo

Someone needs to sit our people down and have a healthy discussion about the names we as African Americans are giving our children. We are hurting our kids and putting their futures in peril from the moment they are born.

That’s right, I said it. We are KILLING our kids and crippling their futures with the names we give them. Don’t you want your kids to get JOBS someday? Good jobs, and serious careers? With a name like Jaquez Ja’Quan Diante’, you’re dooming your sons to a life of drug dealing on some seedy street corner.

Our Black men face enough challenges. I do not subscribe to the notion that we are giving our children names that “convey pride in their African Heritage”. We’re way off the mark. I’ve got dear friends from all over Africa, and their children have beautiful cultural names like Akos, Ama, and Fia.

Notice how neither of those names had a “quita” in it? Or an “eisha”? Or more than four syllables? That’s because even in the motherland, they don’t give their kids the crazy names that we do in Black America. Many Africans even RESENT the implication that these names stem from their culture. I’ve yet to meet anyone from any African nation named Shaquandiniquah Takei’sha, or any other of the ‘colorful’ monikers we’re pinning on brand new precious lives.

Parents, we are stacking the odds against our children from birth. We’ve been doing it for generations, but we get mighty cross when white and mainstream America laughs and mocks us. With a name like Quieshianiquita (I know, I can’t pronounce it either), you’re dooming your children to employment at no better than a dollar store or the nearest fast-food joint.

You are automatically relegated in the minds of many to second-class citizenry, because when they hear the name, they instantly categorize you as ignorant, ghetto, incompetent, uneducated, and not worthy of much respect or basic human considerations.

We hear so often about African American students who excel in school, etc. and “beat the odds.” Well, guess what? Often times, the “odds they have to beat” is the tough challenge of being taken seriously in America with the atrocious name you gave them...names like Jaqui’sheia Sha’qu’an Tai’isha. If they can get someone to look past the name (and quit laughing), there is remarkable talent there in that person.

Unfortunately though, much of mainstream America isn’t willing to find this out. Come in with the wrong name, and you are nothing more than fodder for stereotypical, distasteful jokes. We as African Americans face enough challenges as it is. Our kids deserve a better start and a way better shot than this.

You’re angry with me? I can live with that. Now answer this: when have you ever seen an IBM Executive or a fancy New York office with a fancy highrise office door nameplate that says “Quandaniquah Roshel-Shaquita, Chief Executive Officer”? When? You don’t, and you never have, because the reality is, corporate America and a huge chuck of mainstream doesn’t have a high regard for those names. Quite frankly, you won’t be taken seriously.

I’ve been behind many a closed door with white corporate America. Oddly enough, many of them still see the Negro in the room as ‘non-existent’ or invisible, so they talked like I wasn’t even in the room. I hear everything they say. When Nakia Shaniquah-Quashiqua fills out an application, they have a field day in the office. Once they get their fill of ghetto and ‘weave’ jokes and ripping you to pieces sight unseen, they usually toss the application, or it gets stuck in the ‘bottom of the pile’. If they do hire you, you’re relegated to some meaningless, inconsequential task behind the scenes so they won’t be embarrased by you.

I’ve learned the harsh truth that right or wrong, no quality mainstream company wants someone named (oh just pick a name) representing them in the forefront. We don’t hear that, though. We just want you to get the name right, and look at you funny if you don’t. I recall a time a young woman got really cross with me because her name was LaShi’quita and I forgot to capitalize the ‘S’ and left the little accent mark off the first ‘i’ - how was I supposed to know? But lawd ha’mercy...what did I do THAT for? She was mad, hostile, and ready to FIGHT! It was a BIG ridiculously overblown embarassing ordeal (for her), and that’s OUR fault, parents.

She wouldn’t have such a huge chip on her shoulder and be so defensive, confrontational and mean if we had just given her a name that the average person can pronounce or spell. No spell check in the world can help, so most of her existence is spent correcting the spelling of her name, and feeling disrespected because people can’t get it right. We set her up for this constant and unnecessary battle.

I do not advocate naming all our children Bobby and Susie. But let’s do our babies a favor and keep the syllables down to a minimum, leave out the suffixes “quita”, “sheika”,“eisha”, “niqua”, “quan”...anysuffix with the letter ‘Q’. I could go on, but you get where I'm headed.And if you want your child to have an authentic African or other ethnic name, do a little research. Don’t just make up a name and expect the world to be able to spell and pronounce it. You're not being original or cute. That child has to LIVE with that horrible name, and that's not funny...or cute.

Amen. Now pass the cornbread.


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: africanamerican; aquanetta; babynames; black; brerrabbit; byanyothername; children; deandre; dejames; ebonics; jaquezjaquan; lemonjello; name; names; nintendo; orangejello; spechal; unusualnames
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To: Red Badger

I have a student named Harley, and I like the name. In fact, I've have a boy and a girl with the name.


261 posted on 03/30/2006 1:19:27 PM PST by Library Lady
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To: tomswiftjr

A friend of mine's wife had a patient names Siphyllis
(s eye feye llus)

She said she saw it on a poster at the Health Department and thought it was a pretty name.

i also went to high school with an Orangella


262 posted on 03/30/2006 1:19:35 PM PST by cyclotic (Cub Scouts-Teach 'em young to be men, and politically incorrect in the process)
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To: Library Lady

Same family?........


263 posted on 03/30/2006 1:20:02 PM PST by Red Badger (I must not fear.Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.....)
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To: twippo
How times have changed! When my dad was born in 1922, my grandmother named him "Jacob Bernard". Someone told her that "In America, you don't name a kid Jacob". From that day on, he was Bernard or Bernie. With very few exceptions, all of my dad's legal papers list him as "Bernard Jacob". (Ironic twist: His first great-grandson is named, you guessed it, Jacob!)

She also pulled this on me, apparently, when I was born. She didn't think "Scott" was a real name for a child, and for about a year, referred to me only by my middle name. Finally, my mother confronted her and set her straight.

264 posted on 03/30/2006 1:20:20 PM PST by ssaftler (Politically Correct isn't! Progressives aren't!)
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To: twippo

265 posted on 03/30/2006 1:20:32 PM PST by petercooper (Cemeteries & the ignorant - comprising 2 of the largest Democrat voting blocs for the past 75 years.)
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To: MplsSteve
"Ace", on the other hand, is stupid.

Gee--thanks... < grin >

266 posted on 03/30/2006 1:20:34 PM PST by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: twippo

When I was training recruits at Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego, we had one named

GARRISON P. MARINE


267 posted on 03/30/2006 1:20:34 PM PST by 2nd Bn, 11th Mar
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To: Red Badger

....And her brother Dwiezel........

Yes, but Dwiezel is a strange word. Moon Unit shows how you can saddle your kid with a really wicked monicker while using normal words.


268 posted on 03/30/2006 1:20:41 PM PST by No Truce With Kings (The opinions expressed are mine! Mine! MINE! All Mine!)
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To: Red Badger

Marion is the male spelling of the name, Marian the female spelling, although too many people have ignored that difference in the past. It's a name that seems to be dying out, in any case.

So often, it's a relief when names die out. My grandmother had friends named Blanche and Gertrude. I don't.


269 posted on 03/30/2006 1:20:58 PM PST by linda_22003
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To: brytlea

It's too cutesy. ;)


270 posted on 03/30/2006 1:21:11 PM PST by Fawn (FREE 'Lewis' the 'ferocious' cat)
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To: twippo

ping for later


271 posted on 03/30/2006 1:21:13 PM PST by SirChas (I seem to be rapidly approaching the apex of my mediocre career)
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To: BenLurkin

Mercedes is my middle name, and my mother's first name.


272 posted on 03/30/2006 1:21:19 PM PST by twippo (Mutt-American #2.)
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To: Betty Jane

"There is a girl named Gordyn (pronounced Jordan) at my daughter's school. The parents get upset when it is pronounced as Gordon and people assume she is a he."

I'll just bet they get upset. Poor widdle Gordyn...how could they not know how to pronouce her widdle name. She'll probably grow up with no self-esteem at all. Pity.


273 posted on 03/30/2006 1:21:23 PM PST by MineralMan (godless atheist)
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To: 5Madman2

I've used the pseudonyms of "Bob Onit" and the ubiquitos "Ben Dover" numerous times.

BTW, my name isn't really Cletus....


274 posted on 03/30/2006 1:21:33 PM PST by Cletus.D.Yokel (Making illegal activities illegal since...since...since...)
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To: Xenalyte

My new name is:

Boobie Gizzardtush

http://www.ultsoftware.com/NameGen.html


275 posted on 03/30/2006 1:21:48 PM PST by Calpernia (Breederville.com)
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To: Xenalyte

Madycin? Isn't that a drug to keep you from going Mad?


276 posted on 03/30/2006 1:21:50 PM PST by Fawn (FREE 'Lewis' the 'ferocious' cat)
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To: BenLurkin

Actually, the car was named after the designer's daughter (hint: Mercedes was a girl's name long before it was an automobile name).


277 posted on 03/30/2006 1:22:18 PM PST by Junior (Identical fecal matter, alternate diurnal period)
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To: elcid1970

"Shirley, Ashley; how about Courtney?"

Beverly was a not-uncommon name for boys two or three generations ago. Also, a couple of generations past in the South, Asa was a common name for both white and black males.


278 posted on 03/30/2006 1:22:22 PM PST by riverdawg
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To: bonfire; redhead

Momon name generator

http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/mormon/


279 posted on 03/30/2006 1:22:27 PM PST by colorcountry (You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.....CS Lewis)
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To: warchild9

It's not a black name, but we once had employee named Do Dang. Now that was a fun one to hear over the intercom.

"There's a call on line 3 for Do Dang"


280 posted on 03/30/2006 1:22:29 PM PST by SnarlinCubBear (I love mah dawgs ;o))
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