A Few of FR's Finest...Every Day....02-02-06...Kids Say The Darndest Things!

dutchess

[dutchess]

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day

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Kids Say The Darndest Things!

Most grade school teachers agree that kids say the darndest things. Here are some examples:

The future of "I give" is "I take."

The parts of speech are lungs and air.

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosqitoes.

A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

Define H2O and CO2. H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 oppossums.

The spinal column is a long bunch of bones.

The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter

Out of the mouth of babes! Have a GREAT Thursday...feel free to share special stories (AND pictures of the little ones in your life) ...and thanks for stopping in at the FINEST!

12-28-05 ~ Hall of Fame #14

THIS WEEK'S THREADS 01-30-06 Military Monday 01-31-06 Ladies & Gentlemen...the President of the United States 02-01-06 A Letter to My Pets

Opinions by our own 'King of Ping' Every Thursday at the Finest The guy's good, folks!

[Darksheare]

LOL, thanks!

[WVNan]

Some of these may be repeats.

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.

"Thank you, Sir." the girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner," the firefighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

[JustAmy]

Hi, Nan.

The knee is getting better every day. I see the doc again on the 16th and will find out then whether he thinks I should continue PT.

I hate not being able to spend much time here. Kindergarten homework is a lot tougher than when I was in school. :)

[JustAmy]

OMG ..... LOL.

That is so funny, Nan. I should call JustFrank inside. :)

[JustAmy]

Emma is such a precious little cutie. I would love to give her a big squeeze. Give her a hug from me and Marissa.

Thank you for sending the pictures to Lori so we could all enjoy her.

[hosepipe]

My youngest daughter said while being tickled...
STOP IT some more, STOP IT some more..
That tickled me no end.. still does..

[Alberta's Child]

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
-- Freddie, age 6

Freddie . . . whose motto in his high school yearbook will be: "Way Too Young to Be This Damned Cynical." LOL.

[Victoria Delsoul]

Or.. "you're never too young to be cynical."

Depends how you look at it.

[JustAmy]

*grin*

I try to discourage the rap but she still mixes it with her other favorites.

She likes to sing a "A Tisket, a Tasket" and some songs she learned in school. You should hear her sing The Star Spangled Banner. :) She messes up some of the words but she has the music down pretty good.

Do I sound like I'm bragging?

[JustAmy]

I love today's thread.

I should have been keeping a journal of Marissa's sayings. She is always coming up with a question that I'm not sure how to answer.

For some reason, she is fascinated with the medical dictionary. She found a picture of a pregnant lady and the baby. She looked at it for awhile and then said, " Oowee, he's naked!" I guess she thought that babies are born fully clothed.

[WVNan]

I'm so happy that you are getting better. I still think about how much pain you endured. I hurt for you when you were here.

I know what you mean about things being harder. That goes for everything. Miss Em just wears me out. I don't do anything except chase after her all day when she's here. I adore her, but there's no doubt it's more difficult than it would have been if I were even in my 50s or 60s. I guess a lot of it is mental. I have plenty of energy for my work, etc. but she makes me very tired. Still I wouldn't give up my time with her for anything.

You have my empathy. I don't know how you do what you do. Give that girl a big hug for me.

[JustAmy]

Like you, my time with Marissa is precious.

Her Mom is in a rehab center in Fresno. At this time, I worry about what will happen when she gets out. She says she will not just yank her kids out of their stable homes. I hope not because I'm not sure she will be a good mother for any extended period of time.

After my trips to DC in January and the trip there last year, I decided that something had to be done about the knee. I could not continue functioning that way. I'm not sure when I will have the left one taken care of. I want to wait as long as possible to make sure the right one is very stable.

[Alberta's Child]

Good point. I hope YOU weren't that cynical at the age of 6! ;-)

[Victoria Delsoul]

No way. I had good parents.

[WVNan]

Why GOD Created Children

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own,grandchildren,nieces,nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve, And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"

"No Way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so! "God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? " God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you? " said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it! " Adam said.

"Did not! "

"Did too! "

"DID NOT! "

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

[JustAmy]

LOL

So true!

[Alberta's Child]

You sure did. :-)

[WVNan]

Well, that's it for me for tonight. God bless one and all.

[Diver Dave]

Dropping in before the doors close to exercise some more bragging rights. Both of the boys were here this afternoon.