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SMART SINGLE WOMEN DESPAIR OF EVER FINDING TRUE LOVE (Dear Abby, reference to Maureen Dowd)
www.uexpress.com ^ | December 22, 2005 | Abigail Van Buren

Posted on 12/22/2005 8:37:43 AM PST by Sonny M

DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?

I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.

Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT

DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.

Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.

There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us. Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: advice; catherinezetajones; column; dearabbey; dearabby; dowd; feminism; longinthetooth; maureendowd; singles; women
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To: HairOfTheDog
Apparently HOTD, we will never see eye to eye on anything on this topic. You are comparing apples and oranges statements which I clarified earlier and still pounding on me for them.

Prayer is never a cop out. We can't get anything done without it.

I need to leave now.

I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year.

Merry Christmas everyone!

541 posted on 12/23/2005 12:58:28 PM PST by John O (God Save America (Please))
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To: Uriah_lost

I can say that I looked for very ambitious men. I wanted to marry someone that was going to be able to provide a home and be able to make it possible for me to stay home with the kids. These days, that needs to be a very ambitious man. I'm just glad that I met my husband, and he had the same goals as I did. He wanted his kids to have a stay-at-home mom.


542 posted on 12/23/2005 1:21:07 PM PST by luckystarmom
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To: John O

I think my fellow engineers were the least intimidated of the guys that I knew. We all had something in common.

Guys that were not good with math or computers were readily intimidated by my job title. Also guys that typically made less than engineers. Even accountants were intimidated because a lot of them weren't good with computers. It was like as soon as I said I was good at math and liked science, they got scared.

The engineer men always gave me a chance! In fact, I broke a few engineers hearts. However, they were great guys. They appreciated the fact that I was good at math and science, but still liked to cook and liked children. By the way, I married a fellow engineer!


543 posted on 12/23/2005 1:28:03 PM PST by luckystarmom
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To: Sonny M

I wasn't chosen as a God parent for my niece or nephew. I'm not Catholic, and my sister-in-law is. The only thing that hurt me is that I was never invited to their baptism or confirmation.


544 posted on 12/23/2005 1:37:58 PM PST by luckystarmom
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To: John O

But you have multiplied, you have a daughter. I think it would be very hard for a single woman who has never been married to marry a widow with a child.

I think it would be much easier for another widower to marry you.

There is a deep sadness in a widower, and I don't think too many single women would want that.

I speak of this with some knowledge. My brother died last year, and left his beautiful wife. She will never completely get over my brother, and she will always love him. I don't think any man can replace my brother for her. I just hope that she finds a good man to keep her company in the coming years.


545 posted on 12/23/2005 1:45:37 PM PST by luckystarmom
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To: najida

If you live in the San Jose area, I know of a great guy that is a diamond in the rough. Not many young women have paid attention to him, and that is a shame. He's also very shy. He's one of my husband's best friends.


546 posted on 12/23/2005 1:48:10 PM PST by luckystarmom
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To: Sonny M

No. I was just kidding. I was 35 when I first got married. Some of my buddies kidded around with me about it. I've been married 20 years now.


547 posted on 12/23/2005 2:28:05 PM PST by Texas Songwriter
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To: John O

Y'all seemed pretty upset to ME!

Y'ALL

SEEEEEMED

PRETTY

UPSET

TO

MEEEEEEEEE!

:-D


548 posted on 12/23/2005 3:37:11 PM PST by bannie (The government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.)
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To: Uriah_lost

Well, THAT was short-lived.

;-)


549 posted on 12/23/2005 3:44:00 PM PST by bannie (The government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.)
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To: GermanBusiness
Nobody, except the young women themselves, cared that the US Army had taught me 3 new languages and had made me the kind of world traveler that James Bond fans would have been jealous over. I was 30 and that was bad to the parents.

My oldest daughter is 17. When she decides to marry, the main thing I'll care about is whether the prospective husband can support her and their kids well, and that he's of good enough character that he'll stick around to do so

550 posted on 12/23/2005 4:42:40 PM PST by SauronOfMordor (A planned society is most appealing to those with the hubris to think they will be the planners)
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To: Sonny M

When I was single, I spent a significant amount of time looking for a woman that did not demean me or treat me badly. I did not get married until I was 31. During my search, I was insulted by numerous women that did nothing but demean men and other women who dared to love a man. The "fish and bicycle" crowd kept me single. My idea was a partner and someone that could rely upon when things got bad. I did finally find someone, but it took 13 or so years to find her.


551 posted on 12/23/2005 4:50:21 PM PST by Mere
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To: najida; John O
You want a baby factory. And she can be 20 years younger, but hey! You want kids by God, and any woman in your own age range is just not good enough if she is barren....even if she's your soul mate.

I'm sure that there's many a female executive who is not considering that a middle-aged plumber might be her soul mate. The assumption is that there is one person in the world who is your "soul mate", who you must search for possibly forever.

John O chooses to limit his search for soul mates to the set of women who can deliver what he wants from a prospective wife, and I don't see anything wrong with that.

I know women who won't even talk to a man unless he's a tall, athletic professional with a full head of hair, so they won't ever know if somebody who was slightly outside their "no-go" criteria might have been "soul-mate" material. Generally they grow old and bitter over not having found anybody who matched their criteria, and was also interested in THEM

552 posted on 12/23/2005 7:05:22 PM PST by SauronOfMordor (A planned society is most appealing to those with the hubris to think they will be the planners)
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To: najida
If I posted here that "I want a 25 year old and not one day older because I need a strong buff stud who can keep up with me physically, take care of my property, animals and house....plus be really purdy to look at"...

Madonna could get one. Most of the rest of the world falls under the following unfortunate truth:


553 posted on 12/23/2005 7:13:48 PM PST by SauronOfMordor (A planned society is most appealing to those with the hubris to think they will be the planners)
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To: SauronOfMordor
Look, she's starting to fall in love!


554 posted on 12/23/2005 7:16:06 PM PST by A CA Guy (God Bless America, God bless and keep safe our fighting men and women.)
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To: GermanBusiness

>>I could tell stories of how gorgeous urban white women have flirted with me and tried to use an assumed mutual hatred of George Bush and his voters..I will lure them in......and then they get the tree branch sawed out from under themselves. <<

I wish you could videotape these encounters. I would watch them time and time again, with satisfaction. Then I would watch them again. Bravo.


555 posted on 01/03/2006 2:25:43 PM PST by DC Ripper
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To: Sonny M

The good type of "smart" is not measured by IQ.


556 posted on 01/03/2006 2:27:56 PM PST by Hildy (Spielberg spends his spare time memorializing the last Holocaust while working to justify the next.)
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To: Proud_USA_Republican

I gather from this you mean she is a lesbian? It fits...


557 posted on 01/03/2006 2:31:37 PM PST by Gaffer
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To: Gaffer

she's not a lesbian. Its much, much worse.
Its got everything to do with a unrealistic expectation list a mile long of what a man is supposed to be, a "I have to date/marry upward no matter how successful I am" mindset, always blames men for all her problems and unhappiness, and lives in a constant state of self-created victimhood.





558 posted on 01/03/2006 3:01:05 PM PST by Proud_USA_Republican (We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good. - Hillary Clinton)
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To: edcoil

ed,
I've see Dowd on Imus in the morning show and thought she was a comedic version of Veronica Lake.

The more I read of vitriolic garbage demeaning men- me thinks she was jilted at the altar--by a man?? :-)

The more she talks the more she hurts Frau Clintons chances.


559 posted on 02/09/2006 10:31:23 AM PST by Pusomobile
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To: moasicwolf

Well I must be the first one, cuz I'm sure not the second.

Then again, I'm not quite 30 yet...but close enough that I don't think I'll be married by then! But, ya never know.


560 posted on 02/09/2006 10:34:25 AM PST by RockinRight (Attention RNC...we're the party of Reagan, not FDR...)
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