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SMART SINGLE WOMEN DESPAIR OF EVER FINDING TRUE LOVE (Dear Abby, reference to Maureen Dowd)
www.uexpress.com ^ | December 22, 2005 | Abigail Van Buren

Posted on 12/22/2005 8:37:43 AM PST by Sonny M

DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?

I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.

Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT

DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.

Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.

There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us. Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: advice; catherinezetajones; column; dearabbey; dearabby; dowd; feminism; longinthetooth; maureendowd; singles; women
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To: Sonny M
How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves?

If you are true to yourself, it's easy. If you are true to an alternate sense of self created by twenty-plus years of counter-instinctual feminist programming you've unconsciously absorbed from public schools and television, then it's really, really hard.

21 posted on 12/22/2005 8:46:06 AM PST by Mr. Jeeves ("When government does too much, nobody else does much of anything." -- Mark Steyn)
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To: Sonny M

There is a reason Dowd can't get laid and it has nothing to do with her IQ.


22 posted on 12/22/2005 8:46:13 AM PST by Proud_USA_Republican (We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good. - Hillary Clinton)
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To: Sonny M

I wonder what these ladies' definition of "Mr. Wonderful" is.


23 posted on 12/22/2005 8:46:28 AM PST by RonF
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To: beandog

See post 11...


24 posted on 12/22/2005 8:46:57 AM PST by dakine
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To: Sonny M
So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.

Very good response!

25 posted on 12/22/2005 8:47:05 AM PST by Tax-chick ("Dick Cheney never trims his own nails. He simply stares at them until the tips melt off.")
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick

Those are the breaks ~ Bump!


26 posted on 12/22/2005 8:47:48 AM PST by blackie (Be Well~Be Armed~Be Safe~Molon Labe!)
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To: Sonny M

Self-proclaimed intelligence is the last refuge of the bitter harpy.


27 posted on 12/22/2005 8:47:55 AM PST by thoughtomator (Congrats Iraq!)
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To: Sonny M

I'm expecting a lot of these posts on this thread:

The desparate unmarried type: "It's the other sexes fault."

The happily married type: "My marriage is so fabulously great, you should be more like me!"


28 posted on 12/22/2005 8:48:20 AM PST by Sax
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To: conservative barking moonbat
Who started the rumor that Ms.Dowdo was smart?

Actually, I think she's very smart and very attractive.

I don't agree with her politics or social views but that doesn't make me smarter than her.

I've heard that Liz Hurley is a flaming lib....nuff said.
29 posted on 12/22/2005 8:48:42 AM PST by HEY4QDEMS (Iraqis thank our troops more often than Democrats.)
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To: RonF
I wonder what these ladies' definition of "Mr. Wonderful" is.

My nickname has been 'Mr. Wonderful" for almost 20 years. It disturbs me to think all these people are looking for me.

30 posted on 12/22/2005 8:48:47 AM PST by atomicpossum (Replies should be as pedantic as possible. I love that so much.)
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To: Pete
Bingo. If you're more focused on what you want and not what your prospective mate wants the relationship is probably not going to work out anyway. "Men are crap but I demand the perfect one" isn't a reasonable approach.

It is a comforting rationalization that men aren't attracted to "smart" women because they're intimidated. The illusion is twofold in Dowd's case - first, that she's intimidating, and second, that she's smart.

31 posted on 12/22/2005 8:48:50 AM PST by Billthedrill
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To: Pete

humility is kryptonite to the "keep their cake and eat it too" mindset.


32 posted on 12/22/2005 8:48:57 AM PST by Proud_USA_Republican (We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good. - Hillary Clinton)
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To: Sonny M
Too many so-called intelligent women have chips on their shoulder, and view relationships as a constant battle to assert their equality. It's not that guys are intimidated. It's just that we don't view relationships as a contest. With a harridan like Dowd, you can just imagine how she analyzes every little interaction for whether or not it shows her proper respect, blah blah blah.

On the other hand, there are other intelligent women without that attitude who are great. I've dated both types, and the smart ones without the attitude are wonderful.

33 posted on 12/22/2005 8:49:07 AM PST by XJarhead
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To: conservative barking moonbat

Who started the rumor that Ms.Dowdo was smart?
>....................................

They are arrogant as well...what self respecting nice guy would want to marry an airhead like that?


34 posted on 12/22/2005 8:49:13 AM PST by eleni121 ('Thou hast conquered, O Galilean!' (Julian the Apostate))
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To: RonF
"I wonder what these ladies' definition of "Mr. Wonderful" is."

Exactly.

35 posted on 12/22/2005 8:49:15 AM PST by GBA (Able danger has been lost in the white noise. The MSM has done its job.)
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To: Sonny M
Hmmmmm....

I know a whole lot of really smart women who are happily married. I also know a fair number of really smart women who have trouble with relationships. Obviously, then, "being smart" is not the determining factor here.

Rather, the key is something far less mysterious: the smart women who have trouble finding relationships are those who are unwilling to surrender themselves to a relationship in the first place.

Some of these women are too "me first" to surrender in the first place. Others are desparate, which causes them to choose poorly, which makes them more desparate and gunshy, and it just gets worse.

And others are simply afraid -- they're so worried about failed relationships that it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. (This seems to be common among women who've grown up in broken homes.)

36 posted on 12/22/2005 8:49:31 AM PST by r9etb
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To: Sonny M
More men are looking overseas for love, IMO.
37 posted on 12/22/2005 8:49:51 AM PST by Extremely Extreme Extremist (None genuine without my signature)
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To: dakine

I'll be sure to tell him that. I'm pretty sure he already thinks he's of "superior intelligence". LOL


38 posted on 12/22/2005 8:50:00 AM PST by beandog (Proud bRushbot)
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To: Sonny M

What? Is my exceptional IQ tatooed to my face or something?
39 posted on 12/22/2005 8:50:05 AM PST by Sopater (Creatio Ex Nihilo)
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To: Sonny M

Well, I am an intelligent man and I LIKE intelligent women and don't want a stupid one. There are plenty of reasons why men won't hook up with certain women. If a woman can't get a man, it probably isn't her IQ that is turning the men off.


40 posted on 12/22/2005 8:50:10 AM PST by calex59 (Seeing the light shouldn't make you blind...)
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