What? Is my exceptional IQ tatooed to my face or something?
Posted on 12/22/2005 8:37:43 AM PST by Sonny M
DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?
I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.
Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT
DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.
Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.
There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us. Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO
DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.
CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.
If you are true to yourself, it's easy. If you are true to an alternate sense of self created by twenty-plus years of counter-instinctual feminist programming you've unconsciously absorbed from public schools and television, then it's really, really hard.
There is a reason Dowd can't get laid and it has nothing to do with her IQ.
I wonder what these ladies' definition of "Mr. Wonderful" is.
See post 11...
Very good response!
Those are the breaks ~ Bump!
Self-proclaimed intelligence is the last refuge of the bitter harpy.
I'm expecting a lot of these posts on this thread:
The desparate unmarried type: "It's the other sexes fault."
The happily married type: "My marriage is so fabulously great, you should be more like me!"
My nickname has been 'Mr. Wonderful" for almost 20 years. It disturbs me to think all these people are looking for me.
It is a comforting rationalization that men aren't attracted to "smart" women because they're intimidated. The illusion is twofold in Dowd's case - first, that she's intimidating, and second, that she's smart.
humility is kryptonite to the "keep their cake and eat it too" mindset.
On the other hand, there are other intelligent women without that attitude who are great. I've dated both types, and the smart ones without the attitude are wonderful.
Who started the rumor that Ms.Dowdo was smart?
>....................................
They are arrogant as well...what self respecting nice guy would want to marry an airhead like that?
Exactly.
I know a whole lot of really smart women who are happily married. I also know a fair number of really smart women who have trouble with relationships. Obviously, then, "being smart" is not the determining factor here.
Rather, the key is something far less mysterious: the smart women who have trouble finding relationships are those who are unwilling to surrender themselves to a relationship in the first place.
Some of these women are too "me first" to surrender in the first place. Others are desparate, which causes them to choose poorly, which makes them more desparate and gunshy, and it just gets worse.
And others are simply afraid -- they're so worried about failed relationships that it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. (This seems to be common among women who've grown up in broken homes.)
I'll be sure to tell him that. I'm pretty sure he already thinks he's of "superior intelligence". LOL
Well, I am an intelligent man and I LIKE intelligent women and don't want a stupid one. There are plenty of reasons why men won't hook up with certain women. If a woman can't get a man, it probably isn't her IQ that is turning the men off.
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