Posted on 12/22/2005 8:37:43 AM PST by Sonny M
DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?
I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.
Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT
DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.
Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.
There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us. Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO
DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.
CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.
If you find me one, I'll shut up too.
;-)
Well, I'd TRY to shut up.
:-D
just kidding around
cheers! :o)
And cheers to you too, sir, and may I wish you a Merry Christmas or a Happy Chanukah and who says you can't celebrate both?
"But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?"
Gee. My kid is marrying a gorgeous, highly degreed, highly paid, go-getter in the same field as he. She makes more money, has a better advanced degree than his, is divinely smart, funny, ingenious and will be a wonderful wife and mother.
Oh, yes, she's Chinese....
I can't stand the self-absorbed pity party our homegrowns give.
(Yes, I know, not all of them, but when you work in DC or Manhattan, the majority are just silly twits.)
[I suggested: "Why don't you spend the summer in Europe?"]
Another major factor: When I was younger, I just missed the ball too often on getting the type of girlfriend or situation that would have fit. I remember sitting next to a great young American woman on an airplane to Munich when I was in my twenties. She was on her way to travel Europe for the summer on a tight budget, not knowing where she would end up and how to ultimately make ends meet. It never occured to me to suggest hanging out with me even though I had a good job and nice apartment. An older, more confident man wouldn't miss a beat on that issue. An older man probably got her. She quite possibly moved in with an Italian businessman in Milan or a French businessman in Paris. She could be a 32 year old successful businesswoman in Paris now...have learned a ton of things about the world at a young age...and looking fantastic and relaxed and confident.
The one constant in every single one of Maureen Dowd's failed relationships has been Maureen Dowd.
I've only been single a little over 2 yrs... and have had a few proposals. The problem that I've had .....is finding men who share the same morals and goals in life. I'm also leery when they want to get married after 3 dates! lol
That man hurts my eyes.......
Anyone who wants to get married after 3 dates is refrigerator shopping.
[I'm also leery when they want to get married after 3 dates! lol]
Don't knock it. That is cool! Good for you. You want to be the kind of woman who gets quick proposals.
Oddly...most of the well-heeled men I've met... are liberals. I can't go that. I'm afraid I would hurt them. lol
Another thing Maureen Dowd has in common with Carrie from "Sex & The City" is that Carrie is supposedly a very successful New York newspaper columnist, but every time they show something she's written, it always seems to be shallow, self-absorbed, juvenile drivel.
ROFL!!! I have to agree. :)
I do? A couple of them were not over their own divorces ....trying to fill the "void" instead of developing a real relationship. The other was a Dr. who turned out to be the mad hatter. *chuckle*
That's a grand plan and I'm pleased to join you in it.
No she doesn't!
If a someone proposes to you after 3 dates it means they're going for surface stuff....that they don't know you and they're going to be pissed in 6 months accusing you of 'lying' when they were just pushing too hard too fast for the 'dream'.
If they don't know the name of your best friend, how you take your coffee, your favorite movie and your attitude towards shopping....they don't know you well enough ;)
I've seen this way to often with both genders who are so eager to have a body under the roof that they are truly shell shocked when they discover that they, who love sleek Spartan-ultra-modern have married a Country French, potpourri slinging shop-a-holic :0
Really ;) It's tragic.
Yep I'm smart and 41.
What is it with men who've barely been separated 24 hours trying to find wife #____?!?
Like hello! Don't you think you may need some alone time to reflect on why you're getting divorced? Instead they're out there trying to find a replacement model....FAST!
I'm serious about my refrigerator analogy.
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