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SMART SINGLE WOMEN DESPAIR OF EVER FINDING TRUE LOVE (Dear Abby, reference to Maureen Dowd)
www.uexpress.com ^ | December 22, 2005 | Abigail Van Buren

Posted on 12/22/2005 8:37:43 AM PST by Sonny M

DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?

I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.

Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT

DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.

Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.

There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us. Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: advice; catherinezetajones; column; dearabbey; dearabby; dowd; feminism; longinthetooth; maureendowd; singles; women
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To: sarasota
This "intelligent quotient" is apparently a popular phrase among liberals whose arrogance is beyond nauseating.

Hence, the likely reason many of these women never meet Mr. Right.

Women, here's a clue: it ain't your intellingent quotient. Rather, women who think themselves sophisticated and brilliant more than likely are merely a smug, semi-feminazi liberal. And ladies, that is just about as attractive as a road-kill deer.

41 posted on 12/22/2005 8:50:15 AM PST by Obadiah
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To: The Phantom FReeper
If these "smart" women truly were smart, then they would realize that they are the sole common denominator of all of their experiences. The problem likely lies with their attitudes.

Excellent observation.
42 posted on 12/22/2005 8:50:32 AM PST by MaryFromMichigan
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To: Sonny M
Dear losing faith,

Is it possible your not actually likeable?

43 posted on 12/22/2005 8:50:46 AM PST by fml
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To: Sonny M

Here's a better hypothesis: women as obnoxious and self-important as Mo Dowdy are revolting creatures, and the fact that she considers herself so blindingly intelligent when in reality she is a feeble-minded TWIT reflects just a part of her problem............


44 posted on 12/22/2005 8:51:41 AM PST by Enchante (Democrats: "We are ALL broken and worn out, our party & ideas, what else is new?")
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To: Sonny M
her belief that women who are intelligent are not able to get married because men are intimidated.

She certainly wouldn't know this from personal experience. She may be facing the problem of men not liking a cynical, bitter, and sarcastic date.

45 posted on 12/22/2005 8:51:42 AM PST by Casloy
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To: Sonny M

I think the fault lies almost entirely with the "intelligent woman" herself, particularly if she buys into liberal feminist ideology. She's so busy questioning every aspect of the relationship that she doesn't take the time to enjoy it. And by the time she's made up her mind that maybe it's a good thing, the hapless schlep she's been mind-gaming is ready to move on.


46 posted on 12/22/2005 8:52:23 AM PST by JennysCool (Non-Y2K-Compliant)
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To: moasicwolf
"Any man that is not married by 30 is either of superior intelligence or queer."

I guess I fit into the intelligence category (I'm turning 29 in March).

47 posted on 12/22/2005 8:52:59 AM PST by Sonny M ("oderint dum metuant")
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To: Sonny M

Something tells me these broads are being too picky.


48 posted on 12/22/2005 8:53:34 AM PST by threeleftsmakearight
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To: Enterprise

Those women wouldn't do well in a convent, because they do not have the necessary humility. They'd probably try to tell God what to do.


49 posted on 12/22/2005 8:53:41 AM PST by Ohioan from Florida (The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.- Edmund Burke)
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To: Sonny M

women who claim to be smarter than men, then bemoan the fact that they can't find one, generally don't find the man because thier superiority complex tends to irritate rather than intimidate.
and its not just women, men are just as bad. the difference is when a man does it, its called chauvanistic and egotistical, whereas a woman is smart, fun, successful etc.


50 posted on 12/22/2005 8:53:54 AM PST by absolootezer0 ("My God, why have you forsaken us.. no wait, its the liberals that have forsaken you... my bad")
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To: Sonny M
If these women are succesful in business they know what to do.

Find out what your customer wants; give it to him.

51 posted on 12/22/2005 8:53:58 AM PST by DManA
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To: beandog

A study showed that men only start becoming liberal while in college and once out of college, start becoming more conservative. Women, on the other hand, tend to become more and more liberal until they are married, at which time their focus becomes less focused on self and more on their families. Women are also much more concered with what other women think of them than men are, so they tend to seek acceptance from other women by hiding their true nature and adopting the 'liberalspeak" of other women. If you son finds one who is only mildly liberal (still shaves her armpits and has never attended a "hate Bush" festival), chances are that she will quickly shift right once married.


52 posted on 12/22/2005 8:54:36 AM PST by Blood of Tyrants (G-d is not a Republican. But Satan is definitely a Democrat.)
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To: Sonny M
So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed

LOL. Was that actually printed? Nicely done.

53 posted on 12/22/2005 8:54:46 AM PST by Fenris6 (3 Purple Hearts in 4 months w/o missing a day of work? He's either John Rambo or a Fraud)
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To: All
So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.

Also avoid all the "Wimmen R'Evil" Threads on FR. ;)

54 posted on 12/22/2005 8:54:48 AM PST by najida (I yam wadda yam.)
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To: Blood of Tyrants
Being newly single at 45, most of the single woman I run into are looking for me to listen to them berate past males in their lives before volunteering to atone for all past mistakes made by anyone with a penis they have encountered during their life. I can see them being cautious but don't dig a hole for me at the starting line.

In MoDo's case, how would anyone like to date someone who is likely to publish any transgression (real or imagined) in the news paper or in a book or balb about on TV. "I tell you, Oprah/View-Crew/Stepenhopolus, that Neanderthal had the gall to ask me to pass the salt at dinner as if I was some common housfrau!"

55 posted on 12/22/2005 8:55:24 AM PST by pikachu (That which does not kill me just makes me grumpy!)
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To: Sonny M

This woman will never find anyone who has as high an opinion of her as she does of herself...


56 posted on 12/22/2005 8:55:27 AM PST by The Clemson Tiger (Hold that Tiger!)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
You're right!! I'm slipping. Here goes:

Dear Losing Faith,
If you really want to find a man, nothing works better then the old tried and true boob job, fishnets and stilettos. Good luck!

Dear Needs to Know,
Immature Christians make good godparents too. I'd be angry with you also.

57 posted on 12/22/2005 8:55:59 AM PST by Millee ("Life is just one damned thing after another" - Elbert Hubbard)
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To: Sonny M
FWIT, Ms. Dowd was on TV last night plugging her book referring to her belief that women who are intelligent are not able to get married because men are intimidated.

Well, loser females are free to choose whatever comforts them, along with the cat.

The reason, though, could be as simple as that few men want to spend more than 6 seconds with a b***h!

58 posted on 12/22/2005 8:56:03 AM PST by Publius6961 (The IQ of California voters is about 420........... .............cumulatively)
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To: Sonny M
FWIW, just about every really intelligent woman I ever met has been a Conservative, not a liberal, and endowed with a fair amount of common sense (naturally). Engaging conversation can follow, and things can develop from there.

I have also met a horde of pseudointellectual liberal women who think they are intelligent, but lack the common sense to pour urine out of the proverbial boot with the directions written on the heel. They do not understand conversation, but are firm believers in verbal sparring, with some really interesting (in a train wreck sort of way) viewpoints which usually are the result of misbegotten hatred of men, especially successful ones.

They need not apply, as the saying goes. If that makes them bitter, oh well...

59 posted on 12/22/2005 8:56:04 AM PST by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly.)
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To: Sonny M
My experience in the dating arena (and it is -- lamentably -- considerable) is that what women SAY they want and what they SEEK are two entirely different things.

I have actively sought intelligent women, honestly intending (I swear!) to engage them intellectually before I made any other move. They feign stupidity, they become defensive, they become hypercritical, they rush the physical relationship (or the emotional one), they get bored. Half the time, they're not looking for an intellectual companion at all; they're looking for a daddy or a sex machine or a babysitter or a mechanic or someone to do the heavy lifting.

I know that women have equally valid complaints about men, and I don't want to start a "Men are from Mars ..." thread. But I don't see a lot of men's books being published about how tough it is to find a good woman. It IS, and getting even tougher because of people like Maureen Dowd, who want to "have it all" and then act surprised because no man can live up to those kinds of unrealistic expectations.

Frankly, I would be ECSTATIC to find a mid-30's woman who was intellectually sharp, financially responsible, and personally secure. I suspect the women doing the complaining are missing at least one of these attributes.

60 posted on 12/22/2005 8:56:52 AM PST by IronJack
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