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SMART SINGLE WOMEN DESPAIR OF EVER FINDING TRUE LOVE (Dear Abby, reference to Maureen Dowd)
www.uexpress.com ^ | December 22, 2005 | Abigail Van Buren

Posted on 12/22/2005 8:37:43 AM PST by Sonny M

DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?

I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.

Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT

DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.

Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.

There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us. Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: advice; catherinezetajones; column; dearabbey; dearabby; dowd; feminism; longinthetooth; maureendowd; singles; women
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To: bannie

"Finding an equally intelligent man does not mean that he has to make a bzillion a year. There are some wonderfully intelligent men who are perfectly happy as "blue collar" workers. I'd be very happy with a witty carpenter!"

My wife is a pretty smart cookie. She graduated from Vanderbilt University with a 4.0. When we met I was working as a truck driver during the week and a bouncer on the weekends while going to school at night. We've been married 26 years and other than the occasional blowup she seems pretty happy. I think the premise that intelligent women can't find men is a major pile of B.S.

Why is it that women in NYC seem to have so many problems with men?


121 posted on 12/22/2005 9:14:45 AM PST by dljordan
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To: PigRigger

>> Than again, to them, I'm just a boring, Christian conservative.....How little do they understand what a compliment that really is....

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone....
<<

My hubby too!
God Bless You!


122 posted on 12/22/2005 9:15:00 AM PST by netmilsmom (God blessed me with a wonderful husband.)
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To: HEY4QDEMS

"I don't agree with her politics or social views but that doesn't make me smarter than her."

Actually, it might.

What is "smart," anyway? Anyone with a half-decent memory can tuck away enough snappy Oscar Wilde quotes to make himself look smart, and with the right tactics can appear to be winning arguments even when he's dead wrong.

But is this intelligence? Can a person really be called "intelligent" when he is consistently wrong on virtually every question of importance?

A good memory and verbal pyrotechnics can fool or intimidate a lot of people, but when I'm trying to figure out how smart someone is, I look at how often they're right on the big issues.


123 posted on 12/22/2005 9:15:22 AM PST by dsc (‚³‚æ‚­‚µ‚ñ‚¶‚Ü‚¦)
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To: Sopater
Ummmm...
Ahhhh...

Nope; not biting...

124 posted on 12/22/2005 9:15:26 AM PST by Publius6961 (The IQ of California voters is about 420........... .............cumulatively)
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To: PigRigger

"many were willing to find someone who was sincere, giving, and selfless."

Damn straight. The best decision I ever made in my life was to put aside my quest for a trophy wife and search for a women with a pure heart. Found her, married her, haven't looked back since. The next 40 years of my life are charmed.


125 posted on 12/22/2005 9:15:42 AM PST by Fenris6 (3 Purple Hearts in 4 months w/o missing a day of work? He's either John Rambo or a Fraud)
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To: Sonny M

Dang wimmin wid too much book lernin kaint get no fellers to pud up wid em. Iffin dey kaint skin no possom dey aint wurth nuthin.


126 posted on 12/22/2005 9:15:53 AM PST by showme_the_Glory (No more rhyming, and I mean it! ..Anybody got a peanut.....)
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To: GSlob
Short of brain trauma one cannot curtail one's IQ - it will still show through, just as one could not become shorter without amputating one's legs [or head].

I didn't suggest she lower her IQ. I suggested humility.

127 posted on 12/22/2005 9:16:12 AM PST by Pete
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To: r9etb

Good point. They are using fuzzy math -- only sample the women who are discontented and trying to rationalize their failures.

They are fools so maybe they really aren't that smart after all.


128 posted on 12/22/2005 9:16:21 AM PST by dhs12345
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To: Sonny M
referring to her belief that women who are intelligent are not able to get married because men are intimidated.

Here we go again.

Worldly success in a man is like big tits on a woman - all other things being equal, the man who possesses it will get all the girls.

Worldly success in a woman, OTOH, is a neutral factor. It's not BAD, it's not GOOD - in terms of mate selection, it's a zero.

Strivers like MoDo transfer their erotic fascination with worldly success to men, and then blame us when we don't pick up on it.

Stupid.

129 posted on 12/22/2005 9:16:42 AM PST by Jim Noble (Non, je ne regrette rien)
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To: Sonny M
"There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not."

Right! Like falaciously pretending that you are wife material when you definitely are not!

130 posted on 12/22/2005 9:16:53 AM PST by nightdriver
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To: thoughtomator

You NAILED it! Perfectamundo!


131 posted on 12/22/2005 9:17:56 AM PST by RexBeach ("The rest of the world is three drinks behind." -Humphrey Bogart)
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To: najida
Also avoid all the "Wimmen R'Evil" Threads on FR. ;)

But they're so much fun!
You some kind of a spoil sport or something?

That reminds, me: if you don't have a sense of humor, fuggedaboutit!

132 posted on 12/22/2005 9:19:15 AM PST by Publius6961 (The IQ of California voters is about 420........... .............cumulatively)
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To: Sonny M

So a male states he can't find love, because he is too good for the women that presently exist on the planet(and actually believes it) I think we would just call him a creepy loser and move on.


133 posted on 12/22/2005 9:19:42 AM PST by ansel12
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To: siunevada
Any male who dresses Left or Right, smart enough to read any 100 words written by this Maureen character would know that on a personal level, this woman is going to be an unbearable virago, a termagant, rigid, more than likely frigid, and just an all-around PIA.

Like Katie Couric and Cokie Roberts, Maureen sold out the beliefs of her youth to gain acceptance from the Left. She got it. Maureen made her bed. She should not be surprised that she will be required to sleep in it. Alone.

134 posted on 12/22/2005 9:19:42 AM PST by Kenny Bunk (Democrat vote fraud must be stopped. Hello? RNC?)
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To: beandog

LOL!! I can hardly believe things like that, but they are true enough!


135 posted on 12/22/2005 9:20:02 AM PST by Ohioan from Florida (The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.- Edmund Burke)
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To: Night Hides Not

I'm going to church this Sunday for the first time in 5 years. Regularly for the first time in 13 years. I now thank God for my singleness; he knew what he was doing in not letting me get stuck with someone like me.


136 posted on 12/22/2005 9:20:34 AM PST by Seamoth
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To: najida
Good job-- check.
Circle of friends-- check.
Nice home-- check.
Dog & cat-- check.
New car-- check.

Now let me see what's missing?


Uh, how about:

Emotional maturity -- bzzt.
Solid spiritual life -- bzzt.
Understanding that spiritual and emotional affinity is extremely important -- bzzt.
Desire to selflessly give your life to another person -- bzzt.
Understanding that marriage is forever -- bzzt.

Thus, it's not surpising in the least that the people you described above have miserable married lives. The folks I know who have taken care ALL the criteria mentioned above have happy and strong marriages.
137 posted on 12/22/2005 9:20:47 AM PST by Antoninus (Hillary smiles every time a Freeper trashes Rick Santorum)
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To: Sonny M

"I guess I fit into the intelligence category (I'm turning 29 in March)."

Among the really wise old sayings that doesn't get enough air play these days is this: Marry in haste; repent at leisure.

Less well known is this: Have kids while you're still young enough to outrun them.


138 posted on 12/22/2005 9:20:56 AM PST by dsc (‚³‚æ‚­‚µ‚ñ‚¶‚Ü‚¦)
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To: LaineyDee; Billthedrill
Relationships have to be nurtured and require sacrifice.

Agreed, see #116.

Honestly, I'm reading from #1 that this woman and her friends are so into themselves that they don't have room for a spouse.

139 posted on 12/22/2005 9:21:28 AM PST by angkor
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To: calex59

There is nothing like the queasy feeling one gets in his stomach when he is around a dumb woman for too long, not matter how good looking.


140 posted on 12/22/2005 9:21:38 AM PST by ichabod1 (Sic Omnia Gloria Fugit)
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