SMART SINGLE WOMEN DESPAIR OF EVER FINDING TRUE LOVE (Dear Abby, reference to Maureen Dowd)

www.uexpress.com ^ | December 22, 2005 | Abigail Van Buren

[Sonny M]

DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?

I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.

Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT

DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.

Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.

There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us. Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.

[montag813]

"True Love" is overrated. And pasionate lightning-strikes love rarely lasts (or remains faithful). You find someone whom you are attracted to and whose values you deeply respect. Love comes in time. Relationships are very hard work--nothing is harder. But it seems these women are looking for something out of a Harlequin romance novel rather than reality. So odds are they will never be happy. My advice--lower your expectations and you have a much better chance of finding someone you can love.

[fish hawk]

Dear Losing Faith: try dropping your self love and ego a little and maybe you will get lucky. Your letter was a lot of "me me me me".

[rjp2005]

Smart women don't despair - they have no time for it, and have too much to give and share to make other peoples lives better and more enjoyable.

[Tall_Texan]

This somewhat fits what my Grandfather told me when I was approaching puberty. "Any man that is not married by 30 is either of superior intelligence or queer."

Well, my family can be a case study then. Five children, three boys. Both girls got married and are both still happily with husband #1. All the boys are now lifelong bachelors in their 40s. My IQ has been measured in the 130s. My younger brother is gay. My older brother, well, um, let's just say he contradicts ol' grandpa's theory.

[thoughtomator]

Here's a description of what MoDo et al are looking for in a man:

- over 6' tall, buit like a pro athlete
- blond hair, blue eyes preferred
- independently wealthy or a high-powered, high-income professional
- owns a big home with fancy cars
- has the sensitivity and sensibility of an artiste
- able and willing to freely subsidize without question any indulgence
- sexually present, willing, and able on demand, even if the woman is fat, ugly, and mean
- hardcore left-wing politics
- infinite tolerance and patience for any female behavior no matter how irrational
- is completely unperturbed by his mate constantly unleashing a spew of venomous invective against men in general
- supports Hillary! for President, any year, any time, any circumstances
- doesn't want any children, ever... unless she wants them, in which case he would be in perfect agreement with her wishes
- is a lifelong member of the Communist Party
- wants to move to Europe

[Publius6961]

This "intelligent quotient" is apparently a popular phrase among liberals whose arrogance is beyond nauseating.

In this realm, that self-resolving delusion reaches a genetic dead end.

Isn't nature wonderful?

[Blood of Tyrants]

Women like Pamela Anderson are great for a casual fling (for a single guy, of course), but her constant stupidity would drive me nuts.

[Ohioan from Florida]

I know a 21-year-old young lady who is smart and conservative (friend of the family). She's also sweet, somewhat naive, and lots of fun. They are out there, so your son should not give up hope.

[Spok]

So many 'smart' women choose their dates by their income, manicure and the car they drive. Then they wonder why they end up with shallow narcissists. Our culture in general seems to have lost the ability or willingness to value character-honesty and strength is so passe that it's actively avoided. The irony is we're vaguely aware enough about the difference to feel good when we see a movie like 'Cinderella Man'.

[fightnback]

I believe a truly smart woman is able to recognize happines, but some "highly educated" women are too arrogant and do not understand what true happiness really is.

Smart men are not "intimidated" by smart, successful women; when these "successful and educated" women stop viewing marriage as another business conquest, they will no doubt find true happiness.

[MARTIAL MONK]

DEAR LOSING FAITH: To find true love become a teacher.

[Graymatter]

I've been widowed over 20 years total, and wouldn't marry again if the Lord Himself told me it was Mr. Right. And I liked being married. But if you (a woman) have any other work to do, marriage is almost certain to interfere with it. My late husbands gave me wonderful children, but they also cost a great deal of time and money and sacrifice. More if I'd let them! More if they'd lived longer. No, marriage is not for everybody.
These single women with careers who long for a Prince Charming, they are like women with young children longing for a man who will love those kids like his own. Hello! He's not going to love your career any more than he'd love your ex-husband's kids. It ain't natural. Maybe not impossible, but darn close. Don't play those odds, ladies. If you love your work, finish it before you take a husband.

[HairOfTheDog]

Also avoid all the "Wimmen R'Evil" Threads on FR. ;)

Also good advice... :~D

[Just another Joe]

My nickname has been 'Mr. Wonderful" for almost 20 years.

Paul, is that you?

[rwa265]

Dear losing faith:

Never mind being yourself. Be more like Catherine Zeta Jones and less like Mo Dowdy.

[Tall_Texan]

"Everybody says I'm not smart. I'm smart!!"

[Psycho_Bunny]

But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it,

Start with curtailing your being a self-absorbed bitch.

[wallcrawlr]

[Publius6961]

Careful with the refrigerator analogy!
It will be minutes before some smart ass comments about the little light inside being "on" all the time...

[Junior]

Dowd is an idiot. Men are not turned off by intelligent women -- we actually enjoy a stimulating conversation with the opposite sex once in awhile. What we find "intimidating" are women with chips on their shoulders.