Posted on 12/14/2005 11:56:38 AM PST by TASMANIANRED
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these simple rules and you should have no problem.
1. When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one.
I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
No one knows why.
2. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.
Men love saying those two words, "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK, by the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?"
Again, no one knows why.
3. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror.
Men love gifts for their cars.
Again, no one knows why.
4. Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes.
If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
5. You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.
If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
6. Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years.
Real men drink whiskey or beer.
7. Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.
We do not stink - we are "earthy".
8. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea.
No one knows why.
9. Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.
It will ruin any occasion and he will always have parts left over.
10. Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Beaver Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Canadian Tire Store, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is.
("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")
11. Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue.
Get him a monster barbecue with a 100 pound propane tank. Tell him the gas leaks.
"Oh the thrill!The challenge! Who wants hamburger?"
12. Tickets to a Denver Broncos, Colorado Rockies, Central Texas Stampede games are a smart gift.
However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
Everyone knows why. 13. Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw.
If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #08 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
14. It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.
Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder.
No one knows why.
15. Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts.
Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.
No one knows why.
Remote control airplanes or helicoptors - gets them outside with the children.
I have always had to buy my own and wrap it and put under the tree...
Firearms are like underwear. Men want to pick out their own.
Ammunition is an excellent suggestion.
I may be buying my own GPS to place under the tree. Santa does not take returns.
I thought it was a Bungie Cord but then thought about a Bungie Cord for jumping off bridges with it around your ankles.
Stretchy Thing sounded less stupid than the completely wrong term.
Ain't that the truth. I was just dreaming over at that GunsAmerica site.
CABELA'S!
When in doubt, buy beer.
"they left out firearms" ping
Lights out for a week...That's when you need the flashlight that you rock back and forth to regenerate the battery.
Faraday's principal of something or other.
Good on you.
I'd rather know exactly than try to figure out some cryptic comment.
Yup. If you get him a new shotgun it'll never get used because the barrel is an inch shorter or longer than the one he'd buy for himself.
We went to bed with the chickens. Too hot to use candles for light. The most miserable, hottest, mosquito biting week of my life.
They are both bungie cords. I just thought the description was funny considering the topic.
I was just trying to put on my best "Aww, geez" face as a man would normally do when explaining the intricacies of the bungie cord :-)
LOL! Excellent list Taz! You have helped me with my shopping list big time. :)
Well, he doesn't have one like that. That's pretty.
Hey! I resemble that remark!
And if you want to make me happy this year, shop at www.surefire.com
Cabelas.
Actually that's where I like MY presents to come from, or BASS PRO.
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