Posted on 12/14/2005 11:56:38 AM PST by TASMANIANRED
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these simple rules and you should have no problem.
1. When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one.
I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
No one knows why.
2. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.
Men love saying those two words, "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK, by the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?"
Again, no one knows why.
3. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror.
Men love gifts for their cars.
Again, no one knows why.
4. Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes.
If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
5. You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.
If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
6. Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years.
Real men drink whiskey or beer.
7. Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.
We do not stink - we are "earthy".
8. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea.
No one knows why.
9. Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.
It will ruin any occasion and he will always have parts left over.
10. Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Beaver Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Canadian Tire Store, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is.
("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")
11. Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue.
Get him a monster barbecue with a 100 pound propane tank. Tell him the gas leaks.
"Oh the thrill!The challenge! Who wants hamburger?"
12. Tickets to a Denver Broncos, Colorado Rockies, Central Texas Stampede games are a smart gift.
However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
Everyone knows why. 13. Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw.
If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #08 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
14. It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.
Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder.
No one knows why.
15. Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts.
Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.
No one knows why.
TheMom won't let me name them.
She won't even let me play with them.
Everybody knows that happiness is a warm puppy!!
Get him the flashlight that you can crank up to charge it. It never needs batteries. My wife got me one and I love it.
Did my "Silence of the Lambs" allusion just fly over every head?
Ooh, great idea: "Jame Gumb's Christmas Carol."
Nahh, never catch on.
Wow, thanks. My wife always says I'm tough to shop for. Now her job should be easy. She can get me anything on your list and I will be happy. No one knows why.
Yeah, what's up with that!?!
A box of ProV1's are greatly appriciated!
*excellent* Tas! I am going the Boston Red socks hat, wireless speakers, large box of Godiva route... never have enough of that stuff either!
Won't let you play with them.
That is cruel and unusual punishment.
"Now tell me why a 40-year-old woman with a master's degree in cardiac nursing would go ga-ga over a 3 foot stuffed bear or a miniscule piece of sparkly carbon."
Hell, I'd give anything to know why they are all so nuts for shoes.
A couple of years ago I gave Mr. RightField a large bag of about 40 assorted bungee cords, along with a sweater, shoes, after shave, etc, for Christmas. I bought them in a moment of what-else-can-I-get-him desperation in the Home Depot. He STILL raves incessantly about his wonderful supply of bungee cords; he loves them almost as much as his various rolls of duct tape.
You forgot guns and accessories, holsters, mags, ammo, cleaning supplies, pictures of Ted Kennedy, Jane Fonda, Hilary Clin...er sorry I meant targets!
May I ask what brand tv you bought as I sit here looking at my dead one which is still young???
When it comes to flashlights, size does matter. A guy that has a steel cylinder in his hand long enough to hold 4 D cell batteries feels that all is right with the world. A guy holding a little thing between his thumb and index finger the size of a AAA battery is naturally going to have some "adequacy" issues.
Guns and Knives can't miss either.
My mom bought my Dad a Remingtin semi-auto 16 ga. shotgun when they were dating. No wonder he married her.
I saw that one on TV ,as well.
The one you have to shake ,works on the same principal as the one you have to crank and no batteries are needed.
I have to see if I can find one in a store near me.:)
An 8 lb jug with W231 might indicate a gallon size container.
Harborfreight has become a junk store, the only thing worth buying are the welder's magnets and the throwaway multimeters when they are on sale.
My son has one like that, but an el-cheapo one. I've used the nail file a few times. Comes in pretty hand.
When it comes to flashlights, size does matter.
You're absolutely right. I hadn't thought of it like that. Thanks for the hearty laugh. My hubby has huge hands.
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