Posted on 11/25/2005 10:42:22 AM PST by Congressman Billybob
My wife, Kemberly, has left. That’s ordinary enough. It happens a few million times a year, assuming that half of all American divorces are the wife’s idea. But this is about the why, not the what, of that decision.
The why is unique, and extraordinary. If I were she, and she were I, I would do the same thing. (Work on it. That sentence is grammatically correct.)
My wife has been offered the job of Head Chef of a new restaurant out of town, to be built and run to her specifications. To that you say, well, some commuter marriages work. Not this time. The restaurant is a few miles outside Pago Pago in American Samoa. And that is 8,000 miles from my home in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
Our situation raises an interesting philosophical question. Would you, should you, leave your husband/wife if the chance of a lifetime – the chance of several lifetimes – came along?
Here’s our story. The Internet recounted its beginning, so it’s appropriate it should recount its end. We began with serendipity, a Newsweek recommendation of my column that brought me together with a lady from Indiana who read it. We end with serendipity, also.
Anyone with skills as a chef, and manager, and caterer, would jump at the opportunity to run a brand-new, four-star restaurant, if such an opening came to his/her attention. A fair number of you are closet chefs. You watch the Food Network. You think maybe you could chuck your humdrum day job and build a satisfying future with a special food product, or a brand-new restaurant. You know who you are. I saw you smile.
But opportunities like that aren’t advertised in the paper. Like much else which appears in the newspapers, things aren’t what they claim. You can rest assured that a help wanted ad that says it offers the “Opportunity of a Lifetime,” doesn’t.
Here’s the story behind this story. Back in June, Kem made a business trip to American Samoa. The population is about 67,000, but of those the ones who come from mainland US or other nations are a smaller group and everyone knows everybody. When anyone new shows up, the residents get to know him/her promptly. It’s the equivalent of waiting for the stage in the American West a century ago.
Anyway, it turns out that a group of businessmen were interested in creating a new, four-star restaurant near Pago Pago. They knew what they wanted, but not who would do it. Enter a talented woman from North Carolina. Everybody invites each other in that group home for dinner. (There ain’t a lot of nighttime entertainment in Samoa.)
So, the folks on the island found out that Kem is a fine cook. They also found out that she knows her way around commercial equipment and management for kitchens, and multiple styles of cooking from many nations. To make a long story short, she had an opportunity to become Head Chef, and partner, with full creative control.
She looked at three possible locations for the restaurant, two for new construction and one a mansion with wrap-around porches overlooking the Pacific. Think of the architecture and environment described in Somerset Maugham’s famous short story, “Rain.” He was living on Samoa when he wrote that.
Kem has not described to me how long it took her to consider this offer that came out of the blue. Maybe she didn’t want to hurt my feelings worse by telling me that her delay was measured in nanoseconds rather than days or weeks. In any event, she returned to North Carolina, and immediately told me the good news (or bad news, depending on your viewpoint).
I understood right away how incredible this opportunity was for her, and why she wanted to accept it. So, instead of getting hysterical, I’ve worked with her on such details as getting a long-term, no-cut contract, and possible copyright issues with the name of the restaurant. So there you have it; probably the most extraordinary reason for the end of a marriage that you’ve ever heard.
Will I miss Kem? You bet. Do I wish her well? Absolutely. Since many readers of my columns are friends of both of us, drop her a line care of my address and I’ll get it to her. And if you’re in Pago Pago in about 14 months, look her up at the club, have “a Thanksgiving dinner that can’t be beat,” and say hello.
About the Author: John Armor is a First Amendment attorney and author who lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. John_Armor@aya.yale.edu
Malachi 1:3, Romans 9:13.
Best wishes, my friend.
Simply astonishing.
I am in awe of your approach and reaction to this, and your honesty in posting this for the world to see.
If you need any support, prayers, or even just conversation, by all means...
we are here for you.
God Bless You!
Do you really love your hubby if you love him less than Texas?
Uh-oh. Maybe you're better off she said goodbye. Maybe there's a nice Samoan in this picture you don't know about. Wish him luck.
If God loves some things then He will hate their opposites.
People who stay friends after a divorce are rare as hens with teeth. That said, I actually had an aunt who did just that... strange. The man was a violent alcoholic and by some family reports had even tried to choke her to death once, but once they split they were seeing each other as friends all the time (and she made sure he kept taking his Antabuse). He passed away well before she entered her dotage.
Prayers friend,fatima
If she's a freeper and we find out who... well, the flame fest will raise a cloud of smoke over the California servers visible clear to Maine. BB has been kind, but to do all he did without a heavy heart?... shoot even Superman got broke up over losing his lover. Ending a marriage isn't exactly like hitting the DELETE key on your computer.
Even though this is a sad occasion for you, I must say I thought your title to this was very clever, and led in beautifully to the subject at hand. I have always admired your writing skills. You know, those writing skills will probably provide you with some comfort during this transition to a new way of life. There will be a new approach to life for you, you know. Different, but hopefully, in the long run, better. Time heals all wounds. Best to you.
What she said. Ditto!
I'm sad that your marriage broke up. I hope maybe you two might get back together again. :o(
What I cannot understand, Billybob, is this: You make your living as a columnist, don't you? Is there some reason that you cannot pack up your career and continue it from Samoa?
Is this job offer the opportunity of a lifetime, a "it's the only chance I'll ever get" deal? Nobody knows that.
Is your marriage?
You'd end up alone at home most of the time, or racing to the restaurant to pitch in bussing tables when all the help doesn't show up, which it never does.
You'd be married to a restaurant located in a dumpy island where God lost his shoes. You made the right call, FRiend. My best, as always.
Leni
I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. I pray God opens a door for you.
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