Push envy of Iron Crotch aside as you contemplate phallic feat

Oakland Tribune ^ | 11/23/2005 | Grace Rauh

[martin_fierro]

an awe-struck Shawnee Wang

PLEASE

MAKE

IT

STOP

TOO

MANY

JOKES

[SW6906]

I gotta check in on this thread later........I can see this one goiing on and on and on.

[caver]

Oh my gawd, he's pulled his d!&k off.

[Physicist]

Surely, he is the Cock of the Wok.

[csvset]

Not tonight honey, I've got a headache.

[BJClinton]

This fella should be the patron saint of the Industrial Strength Humor Ping-list.

[lafroste]

"But can you drive a ten penny nail through a 4x4 with the head of your penis?"

No.

Well, a girl has to have standards...

My favorite line from "Real Genius"

[DancesWithBolsheviks]

Why didn't he just join the American Automobile Association and get the towing service?

[IncPen]

... something for the party tomorrow...

[duckman]

#23
This is how my work day started when I had my first female manager at IBM.

[apackof2]

The Big One

Master Tu has another extraordinary stunt in the works. He is in the process of getting clearance from the Taiwanese government to borrow a 747 jet airplane. Tu figures 20 to 24 of his top students, by strapping their penises, 6 to 8 men per wheel, can generate combined penis pulling power to move the 18,000-kilogram (39,780 lbs!) 747. That's over a ton and a half per penis.

It promises to be an attention-getting event if they can pull it off - or rather pull it forward.

Penis qigong creates a lot of raised eyebrows, both in and out of the martial arts. Generally, the penis is not a suitable topic for polite society. Some find it awkward or embarrassing just to say the word "penis." Others quickly descend into fraternity house bawdiness and bathroom-wall vulgarity. But the warrior's way can be extreme, and eventually this subject comes up in everyone's martial research. The wise warrior discards any lascivious thoughts and carefully examines this without prejudice. Despite the suggestiveness of penis qigong, herein lies some powerful and inspirational kungfu. Again, we discover that dedicated masters can achieve the unbelievable through the discipline, commitment and practice, reaffirming the limitless nature of our venerated art of kungfu.

[Apercu]

You asked for it...

The Penis, hereby requests a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge head first into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I don't get paid overtime. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
The Penis

Reply:
Dear Mr. Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep on the job after a brief work period.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen
visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work before you have
completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering, and exiting, the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

[montag813]

I won't ask how, or why, you know that.

There was a "study" released in 2003 which purported to measure average penis size among various ethnicities. Indian, Japanese and Chinese men were 1, 2, 3 smallest, according to the study. I cannot vouch for the veracity of this data. But it was rather amusing.

[fieldmarshaldj]

You're giving Mr. Fierro a stroke.

OK, now that definitely didn't sound right.

[DancesWithBolsheviks]

One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.

[martin_fierro]

I've set up a little shrine.

[DancesWithBolsheviks]

If Bush and Halliburton keep raising gas prices, we'll all be required to do this.
/DU rant off

[LibertarianInExile]

"Rue the day? Who says that?"

[Xenalyte]

Best headline ever.

[LibertarianInExile]

Yes, that's all true, but after his request for a raise was turned down, The Penis sued his boss for creating a hostile working environment. He won.

Yep, it turns out the poor Penis was forced to work all day in the same office with two nuts and a complete a$$hole.