Posted on 11/08/2005 8:01:14 AM PST by TBP
Before the divorce rate began its inexorable rise in the late 1960s, the common wisdom had been that, where children are concerned, divorce itself is a problem. But as it became widespread -- peaking at almost one in two first marriages in the mid-1980s -- popular thinking morphed into a new, adult-friendly idea: It's not the act of divorcing that's the problem, but simply the way that parents handle it.
(Excerpt) Read more at washingtonpost.com ...
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery." --Jesus, in Matthew 19:8-9 and what did Jesus say about the spouse who might be a habitual drunk, wife beater, gambler, the spouse you are not equally yoked with?
Jesus knows people are not perfect, HOWEVER he judges people who refuse to look at him as the risen Messiah or does not ask for forgiveness in what we do do DAILY...
Interesting, I'll be married to my wife 10 years and celebrate my 32nd birthday next September.
She's probably right though...there are way too many people I know in their early 20's that have not grown up, and have no idea what unselfishness, commitment and responsibility are.
I agree.
Especially as Christians, we are to be there to hold each side to their vow and to encourage them to work through their differences, never to divorce and be done with it all.
And you think the bickering you did have to be subjected to had nothing to do with their divorce? Divorces create just more things to bicker about... alimony, child support, visitation.. not to mention create animosity that lasts for decades as grown adults turn into 2 year olds and use their children and everything else they can get their hands on against each other.
You answered the question properly, when you answered it honestly:
"Do I wish I grew up in an intact family? Yes"
Had the divorced experience been nothing more than a topic of cocktail party conversations, there would be no need for you to answer that as a Yes. You conjecture what your life would have been like had they remained married, but you do not know.. you assume it would be as bad as when they bickered over visitation.. but you don't know.
I have seen what divorce does to kids, time and again.. its NOT the best solution.. and other than situations of true abuse or neglect its nothing more than selfishness when it comes to doing it when you have children.
Do you think children benefit from seeing their parent flaunt their affairs around them? Or in a situation where one child is clearly not the biological child of the father, but the product of an affair?
Under your scenario, a wife could have a child, have an affair, have a child by another man, and you would expect the husband to suck it up, ignore the affair and raise a child not his own, then once the children are grown get divorced and be subject to alimony (18 years= long term marriage)? He likely would not be able to use the adultery as a fault ground since he stayed in the marriage for all those years. I don't think that is reasonable, and that's why even in the old days adultery was a ground for divorce.
"Another sage item she adds is don't marry in your early 20s"
Wrong, don't marry with blinders on in your early 20s... if you intent is to raise a family, early 20s is precisely when you should be getting married. Female fertility peaks at about age 24.
34 here, married 10 years this month.
I agree most young 20s are far to self absorbed and spoiled to remotely be ready for marriage, and that speaks to how poorly we as a society raise our children if you asked me.
Who told you that? I thought it was 36? Maybe thats the peak of the female sex drive...I dunno.
But she still tossed the bouquet before entering the tent, and that made it official.
ok, thats a good guide, cant disagree with that. And Scripture can not certainly be dismissed.
These (I have stated in this thread what I think should be done) are "gray" areas...at least they are to me. I believe the Holy Spirit (as long as a person is prayerful and in the correct heart) will tell someone what is right to do. Whether its a sin or not will be determined/judged at that point.
Rom 14:22
The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves.
You are correct, they should not divorce HOWEVER now they are treading on dangerous waters becaause this is when you are susceptible to *Affairs* my sister-in law is a MFCC Marriage and Family Counselor and she says Married People Both sexes Men and Women are cheating although they DO NOT think it's the traditional cheating in essence TECHNOLOGY has helped fuel bored marraiges because you can carry on with someone who is married on the Internet, Cell phones, text messaging without ever having to hide an in person affair, heck 2 people married on FRee Republic could carry on with each other through FReepmail!
You have to learn to have a marriage that does not allow you to get sucked into these situations...
Congratulations - and I wish you many more decades of happiness. I sincerely do.
I don't think it's necessarily a selfishness issue in your twenties, but it seems to me people mature a lot more slowly these days. By twenty I'd worked two or three jobs to put myself through university and I was pretty much the person I am today. Not so true for my first spouse who changed substantially in 12 years.
I met my first husband at 17, married at 21, children at age 27 - and seeking family, religious and counseling support thereafter. A bicycle won't move if one of the wheels is broken and refuses to be replaced. Both parties must want it to work.
Five years into my second marriage (we dated almost two years) it's been bliss. People compliment us on how well behaved and kind our children are. They are not spoilt and do very well academically. Our kids see how a happy loving couple should be. We joke that we'll be close to a hundred when we have our golden anniversary. And we're looking forward to it.
While every marriage should last forever, and they should not be entered into lightly, sometimes they don't. I became physically very ill before it dawned on me that I was alone in my marriage. You can't merely "will" the situation to improve. You can't throw out a blanket of blame and shame on those that follow this path. From hard fought experience, I can say it is not the easy way out.
One of the best pieces of advice my parents gave me.
Trust me, fertility peaks at 24.
How would you know? you are 34 male and married.
"Trust me, fertility peaks at 24."
Sorry to be so contrary with you....however, my sister met Mr Right when she was 33. Between 35 - 40 she gave birth four times.
PS She was born with one fallopian tube.
Go do some research, I have not said you can't get pregnant after 24, just telling you female fertility PEAKS at 24... I know that the feminists don't want women to know that, but it is a biological fact.
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