Posted on 09/28/2005 9:11:34 AM PDT by pabianice
Movie theater revenues are down 10% in the past three years because of home video technology and because movie quality has objectively continued to decline. We Freepers occasionally review a movie here for fun and to warn others not to waste their money.
So, for a change of pace, let's discuss really bad movies we've seen for one reason or another. I propose three classes of bad movie:
Class 1. A bad movie you sit through because of peer pressure
Class 2. A really bad movie you force yourself to watch because, darn it, you paid for it!
Class 3. Horrifyingly bad movies you simply leave, dragging yourself up the aisle with your arms because your legs have gone numb from shock.
Examples:
Class 1: "The Incredible Lightness of Being" -- stupifyingly bad writing and performances, polished off by a plot involving a serial adulterer physician ruining the lives of all around him for his own sexual gratification – won numerous awards in Europe
Class 2: "The Strawberry Statement" -- I still remember the poster: "The Vibes Were Good, but the Times Were Bad" -- horrifyingly bad performances around a story of beautiful, gentle hippies going to college in San Francisco and lovingly protesting the Vietnam War, only to have the experience ruined by Cylon-like police in riot gear gassing and clubbing them to death during a sit-in for peace; also includes some of the worst dehumanization of women ever portrayed on the screen
"Coming Home" -- what can you say about a movie with Jane Fonda that tells the tale of a maimed vet coming home from the Illegal Vietnam War on Terror to win the heart of a military officer's wife who realizes that her Marine husband is actually a monster (who's also lousy in bed, of course) and so leaves him for the maimed (but good in bed despite the loss of most of his appendages) and virtuous war-protesting vet; movie ends with Marine drowning self by walking into the ocean to atone for his evil acts of national defense
“War of the Worlds” (2005) – This is one big mess of a movie; Aliens have already visited Earth in the distant past to leave their Tripods but then wait until we have atomic weapons and armies before they decide to come back and wipe us out; they arrive at nearly the speed of light in capsules that burrow underground and would be instantly vaporized by the impact; they need human blood to fertilize their Martian Kudzu (“Soilent Red is People!”); it never occurs to the Martians that they need to get flu shots before invading another planet; as the aliens sicken, they conveniently lower their shields so as to be suddenly defenseless against anti-tank rockets; the list is almost endless; the 1954 movie was far superior
"Getting Straight" -- yet another Vietnam vet comes home to attend college and is faced with a school faculty who are all repressed homosexuals and psychotics who determine to drive him out of college; he's saved by heroine who encourages him to Stiock it To the Man!; story ends with the vet kissing his male teacher on the mouth, creating a riot on campus, and then having sex with the heroine on the staircase as the riot and tear gas swill about them in a wonderful collage of color and self-congratulation -- ah!
Class 3: "The Happy Hooker" -- no plot, no production, no acting, but lots of frontal nudity and smashed beds
"Darling" -- critically acclaimed piece of crap about a beautiful, talented, rich woman with the IQ of an end table struggling to make her way in a world of rich men who throw themselves at her feet and take her to fabulous vacation spots
Special Category – What Would Have Been Good Movies But Ruined by One Bad Scene: “A Few Good Men” – Very entertaining story about good and evil in uniform ruined in the courtroom climax, when LTJG Caffee says to the colonel: “I’m a Navy officer, and you are under arrest, you son of a bitch!” Those last five gratuitous words by a screenwriter clueless about the military instantly makes Caffee guilty of disrespect towards a superior officer (a court martial offense) and lower him to Jessup’s level
Amen.
"Look at the big brain on Brad!"
Pulp Fiction was, and remains, exceptional entertainment.
Me too, that's why we saw it. It was quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. To say it was boring only scratches the surface. I hope he made some dough so it had some value to someone.
Absolutely killer soundtrack as well. I think Q.T. picks the songs and then writes the movies around them, or so I've heard. Reservoir Dogs had a great soundtrack as well.
I... envy... you...
I chins could kill?
Either Ash or 'The Dude' Lebowski is my favorite absurd movie character.
Hi, xsrdx:
I had planned to put FMJ is the Class 3 Category, though I forgot to make the Class 3 notation.
Yes, the first thirty minutes are superb! As is 3/4 of the film, which follows Gus Hasford's "Short Timers" meticulously.
R. Lee Ermey should have been nominated for an Oscar. Considering that Ermey (Who was the film's technical Advisor at the time) won the role through an on-the-fly thirty minute audition when Bruce Willis; who was supposed to play the DI. Left the set over Artistic Differences with Mr. Kubrick.
The rest of the cast of the film are exceptional. As is the film itself, for being shot entirely in the UK.
My complaint is that Kubrick should have stuck to his guns and followed the last 1/4 of the novel to the letter. Hasford's climax in Khe Sahn would have been much more shocking and effective than the final product.
Jack.
Did you know that Wolfgang Peterson is directing a remake of the Poseidon Adventure (Actually the 3rd remake. There was one made in 1911.)
True Lies
Aliens
Despite Paxton's efforts, two of my favorite movies.
"I don't know if you've been payin' attention, but we just go our as*es kicked, pal! "
"Showgirls.....I thought it was a comedy."
Are you saying it wasn't a comedy?
I found the little bit of that movie I watched painful to view because it is so sad when someones acting career goes down the toilet like that.
We called it "Honey sucks and blows". No pornographic meaning intended. That movie just sucked and blew.
I think HBO showed it about five million times, too.
I would also include Buckaroo Banzai and any of Dean Martin's Matt Helm movies in there too.
nah... the movie sucked at the end.... I could tell they hated the Marine Corp... if Nicolson had just played down the last part, especially wanting to go after Cruise and having to be restrained... puhleeze. It would have been better if it had ended like the Caine mutiny...
I think Rob Reiner directed it... so I'm not suprised that subtle touches of dramatic acting are lost on the "Meathead"...bwahahahahaa... what a tool. Nah, the worst movie of all time was "Pokemon- The Movie".. I swore I'd poke my eyes out with pencils before I ever had to look at another one of those characters... I truly believe that it the Japanese revenge for Hiroshima.
There was a bad movie, something to do with Mars maybe?, where these people were trapped out in space and had to retrieve something for their survival. Floating in space, in space suits, that is. They had to lasso it with a harpoon like device. So this spring-loaded harpoon shoots out and the astronaut guy holding the harpoon gun stays in place. No equal and opposite reaction. No Newton's law.
SD
You got it!
Robot Roll Call!!!
He also played the mean older brother "Chet" in Weird Science.
"Hows about a nice, cold, greasy, pork sandwich, served up in a dirty ashtray?" Classic.
I think I'd have to put that in the "compulsive movies" category though.
Does anyone remember the movie "Congo"? The only good thing about that movie, is that Jimmy Buffett flew the plane.
Mars Attacks - but it's a classic!! Stop....we are your friends.....
I'd have to add one to the list, the volcano movie with Tommy Lee Jones and Anne Heche - yetch! what crap.
Rent A Simple Plan, with Paxton & Billy Bob Thornton. Despite the presence of those two actors, it's a really well-made movie (albeit depressing).
Saaaayyyy - my girlish figure is holding out just fine...
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.