FReeper Canteen~What Makes You Laugh?~July 28, 2005~

July 27, 2005 | bentfeather

[Soaring Feather]

For the freedom you enjoyed yesterday...
Thank the Veterans who served in The United States Armed Forces.

Looking forward to tomorrow's freedom?
Support The United States Armed Forces Today!

Good morning TROOPS!!
What makes you laugh??
Post your funny cartoons, jokes, anything you enjoy!

This one always cracks me up!

You Might Be A Soldier If..

Silly cartoon characters??

What tickles your funny bone??
A good joke, funny cartoons, a practical joker?

Computer humor?

"Why We Love Kids"

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2. HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

3. OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

4. KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

5. MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

6. POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help, I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

7. POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

8. ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

9. DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

10. DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."

11. SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk."

12. BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."

bentfeather

[tomkow6]

 

Today's FEEBLE

YOKE :

Dear Tomkow,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.
Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart.
I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you.

All my love,

MsFeather. xxxxoooxxxx

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

[tomkow6]

 

Chicagoland Weather

July 28, 2005
Chicago, IL
Sunrise	5:40 AM (CDT)
Sunset	8:17 PM (CDT)
Hrs. of Daylight	14 Hrs., 37 Mins.

Currently
55°

Partly Cloudy

	Hi: 81

	Lo: 55

5 Day Forecast

FRI

SAT

SUN

MON

TUE

Sunny

High:	83
Low:	63

Sunny

High:	88
Low:	64

Mostly Sunny

High:	86
Low:	67

Isolated Thunderstorms

High:	88
Low:	64

Sunny

High:	82
Low:	57

[tomkow6]

FINAL 

CUBS 4

Giants 3 

 

TODAY

July 28 @ 1:20 PM CST
 Radio: WGN 720

  VS  

FINAL 

CUBS 4

Giants 3 

 

TODAY

July 28 @ 1:20 PM CST
 Radio: WGN 720

  VS  

[StarCMC]

GREAT THREAD Queenie!! I'm giggling already!!!

[StarCMC]

My guess for the answer is "Mom" but I'll keep reading....

[StarCMC]

Yep!!

[beachn4fun]

Good morning, Everyone. Good morning to our

Military, our Allies and their families.

Thank you, Ms. Feather, for preparing the Canteen for today's activities. I see that this was very popular. I'm going to have to spend a little extra time reading some of the funny inputs. I also have to check out my closet and see what I might have to contribute.

First, we did, indeed, get our much needed rain. This storm was strange. It seemed to come in stages in my neck of the woods. First, we had heavy winds, blowing leaves everywhere, knocking down small limbs. Then, heavy downpour. Later, when it started a softer rain, then I heard the thunder. And, it was a rolling thunder that lasted a few minutes at a time....like it was never going to end. I don't know when it stopped cause I fell asleep. Today, the cool front is suppose to show up and we'll feel more comfortable.

Hey, troops.......

Now, wasn't that the silliest thing you've ever seen? Bwahahahahaha

Anyway, I need a good laugh. So, let me cruise through the Canteen and see whatz up.

I know there are some new faces I need to give a formal "welcome" to. So, off I go....(skipping....hopping.......giggling..........thru the Canteen....looking for trouble.....oh tomkow!!!!!)

But, you stay right where you are. Don't touch that dial. Don't change that channel. Put down that remote. Don't leave the room. Keep your eyes on your monitor. Cause...............I'll be bock!

Now remember, the Canteen is

So, come on in and sit for a while. There's alway plenty of coffee, pancakes, conversation, silliness, and plain old BS

REMEMBER THEM

DEFENDERS OF FREEDOM

[StarCMC]

I think if your 4yo and MY 4yo got together we'de be in stitches for days. She comes up with some of the most outrageous stuff!! LOL

[acad1228]

acad1228’s Daily Dose O’ Da Blues!Lou Ann Barton

Lou Ann Barton - Good Lover

Tinsley Ellis - To the Devil for a Dime

Kenny Wayne Shepherd - I Found Love (When I Found You)

Delbert McClinton - Everything I Know About The Blues

Stevie Ray Vaughan - Little Wing

Support the artists you hear in the Canteen (buy their music)!

(FReepmail me if you would like to be added to the "Daily Dose O' Da Blues" Ping List.)

[acad1228]

What makes me laugh?

Well, there's these two...

[Valin]

On This Day In History


Birthdates which occurred on July 28:
---- Lu Pan Hong Kong
1165 Ibn al-'Arabi Muslim mystic/philosopher
1746 Thomas Heyward soldier, signed Declaration of Independence
1809 Ormsby McKnight Mitchel, astronomer/Major General (Union volunteers)
1825 William Duncan Smith, Brig General (Confederate Army), died in 1862
1833 James Henry Lane, Brig General (Confederate Army) [or Jun 22 1814]
1859 Balington Booth founded Volunteers of America
1866 Beatrix Potter England, children's author (Tale of Peter Rabbit)
1874 Ernst Cassirer Germany, philosopher/educator (Essay on Man)
1887 Marcel Duchamp painter (Nude Descending a Staircase)
1901 Rudy Vallee Vt, singer (Vagabond Dreams, My Time Is Your Time)
1907 Earl S Tupper invented Tupperware
1907 Vivian Vance Cherryvale Ks, actress (Ethel Mertz-I Love Lucy)
1909 Malcolm Lowry novelist (Under the Volcano)
1922 Jacques Piccard Switzerland, undersea explorer (bathyscaph Trieste)
1923 Kent L Lee, US vice-admiral (WW II-Marianas/Palau)
1929 Jacqueline Lee Bouvier Kennedy Onassis 1st lady (1961-63)
1938 Robert Hughes [Studley Forrest], Australia, writer/critic
1940 Phil Proctor comedian (Firesign Theater)
1943 Mike Bloomfield blues musician (Paul Butterfield Blues Band, Electric Flag, Super Sessions)
1945 Jim Davis cartoonist (Garfield)
1945 Richard Wright rocker (Pink Floyd-The Wall)
1947 Sally Struther Portland Oregon, actress (Gloria-All in the Family)
1948 Georgia Engel Wash DC, actress (Georgette-Mary Tyler Moore Show)
1949 Marilyn Quayle wife of vice president Dan Quayle
1949 Vida Blue major-league pitcher (Cy Young & AL MVP 1971)
1961 Scott E Parazynski Little Rock Ark, MD/astronaut
1967 Lori Loughlin NY, actress (Edge of Night, New Kids, Secret Admirer)
1979 Kimberly Whiting, Miss Idaho Teen USA (1997)

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Deaths which occurred on July 28:
0450 Theodosius II de Jongere, emperor Austrian Empire, dies
1057 Victor II, [Gebhard], Pope (1055-57), dies
1101 Su Tung-p'o, Chinese poet/essayist/painter/calligrapher, dies at 64
1540 Thomas Cromwell King Henry VIII's chief minister, executed
1655 Cyrano de Bergerac, French dramatist/novelist, dies at 36 in Paris
1655 Suzuki Shosan, Samurai/monk/propagator of Zen Buddhism, dies at 76
1746 John Peter Zenger journalist, involved in 1st admendment fight, dies
1750 Johann Sebastian Bach German composer (Art of the Fugue), dies at 65
1794 Robespierre French revolutionary & 22 others executed to thunderous cheers
1863 James Deshler, US Confederate brig-general, dies in battle at 30
1864 Samuel Benton, US Confederate brig-general, dies in battle at about 44
1915 Vilbrun G Sam, rebellion leader/president of Haiti, lynched
1937 Joseph Lee father of Playgrounds movement, dies
1968 Otto Hahn, German physicist/chemist (Nobel 1944), dies at 89
1985 Grant Williams actor, dies of toxic poisoning at 54
1987 James Burnham philosopher (Coming Defeat of Communism), dies at 81

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GWOT Casualties

Iraq
28-Jul-2003 2 | US: 2 | UK: 0 | Other: 0
US Sergeant Nathaniel Hart Jr. An Nasiriyah (near) - Dhi Qar Non-hostile - vehicle accident
US Specialist William J. Maher III Baghdad Hostile - hostile fire - IED attack

28-Jul-2004 3 | US: 3 | UK: 0 | Other: 0
US Gunnery Sergeant Shawn A. Lane Al Anbar Province Hostile - hostile fire
US Lieutenant Colonel David S. Greene Al Anbar Province Hostile - hostile fire
US Private 1st Class Ken W. Leisten Taji (NW of Baghdad) - Salah ad Din Hostile - hostile fire - IED attack


Afghanistan
A Good Day

http://icasualties.org/oif/
Data research by Pat Kneisler
Designed and maintained by Michael White
//////////
Go here and I'll stop nagging.
http://www.taps.org/
(subtle hint SEND MONEY)

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On this day...
0388 Battle at Aquileja: Emperor Theodosius beats emperor Magnus Maximis
0754 Pope Stephen II, [III] makes Pippin de Korte, King of the Franks
1148 Crusaders attack Damascus
1540 Henry VIII of England marries Catherine Howard.
1586 Sir Thomas Harriot introduces potatoes to Europe
1588 Spanish Armada sails to overthrow England's Queen Elizabeth I
1609 Admiral George Somers settles in Bermuda
1615 French explorer Samuel de Champlain discovers Lake Huron on his seventh voyage to the New World.
1717 Prussian king Frederik Willem I gives compulsory education to 5-12 yrs
1741 Capt Bering discovers Mount St Elias, Alaska
1808 Sultan Mustapha of the Ottoman Empire is deposed and his cousin Mahmud II gains the throne.
1821 Peru declares independence from Spain (National Day)
1849 Memmon is 1st clipper to reach SF, 120 days out of NY
1851 Total solar eclipse captured on a daguerreotype photograph
1858 1st use of fingerprints as a means of identification
1862 Confederate forces defeated at More's Hill, Mo
1864 Atlanta Campaign-Battle of Ezra Church
1866 Metric system becomes a legal measurement system in US

1868 The 14th Amendment to the Constitution, which guarantees citizenship to all those born or naturalized in the United States, is adopted.

1883 Shocks triggered by the volcano Epomeo (Isle of Ischia, Italy) destroyed 1,200 houses at Casamicciola killing 2,000
1896 City of Miami incorporated
1898 Start of Sherlock Holmes "Adventure of the Retired Colourman"(BG)

1900 Hamburger created by Louis Lassing in Connecticut
"I'll gladly pay you tuesday for a hamburger today"
Wimpy

1914 Austria-Hungary attacks Serbia-WW I begins
1914 Foxtrot 1st danced at New Amsterdam Roof Garden (NYC, by Harry Fox)
1915 10,000 blacks march on 5th Ave (NYC) protesting lynchings
1915 US forces invade Haiti, stays until 1924
1929 Chicago Cardinals become 1st NFL team to train out of state (Mich)
1930 114ø F, Greensburg, Kentucky (state record)
1931 Congress makes "The Star-Spangled Banner" our 2nd national anthem
1932 Pres Hoover evicts bonus marchers from their encampment
1933 1st singing telegram delivered (to Rudy Vallee), NYC
1933 NFL divides into 2, 5 team divisions
1934 118ø F, Orofino, Idaho (state record)
1942 Nazis liquidate 10,000 Jews in Minsk Russia
1943 Italian Facist dictator Benito Mussolini resigns
1943 Pres FDR announces end of coffee rationing in US
1945 Japanese premier Suzuki disregards US ultimatum to surrender (Not one of his best moves)
1945 US Army bomber crashes into 79th floor of Empire State Bldg, 14 die
1945 US Senate ratifies UN charter 89-2
1951 Walt Disney's "Alice In Wonderland" released
1959 Hawaii's 1st US election sends 1st Asian-Americans to Congress
1962 Mariner I launched to Mars falls into Atlantic Ocean
1964 Ranger 7 launched toward the Moon; sent back 4308 TV pictures
1965 LBJ sends 50,000 more soldiers to Vietnam (total of 125,000)
1973 Skylab 3's astronauts (Bean, Garriott & Lousma) launched
1976 242,000 die in Tientsin-Tangshan (China) 8.2 earthquake
1976 Eldon Joersz & Geo Morgan set world air speed record of 2193 mph in a SR-71
1977 1st oil flow through the Alaska pipeline
1977 Roy Wilkins turn over NAACP leadership to Benjamin L Hooks
1978 600,000 attend Watkins Glen Summer Jam in NY
1978 At Old Timer's Game it's announced Martin will again manage Yankees
1978 Perth Observatory discovers asteroid #3188 & #3422
1978 Price of gold tops $200-an-oz level for 1st time
1983 AL Pres Lee MacPhail threw out umpire's decision & allows George Brett's 2 run HR against Yanks on July 24 (pine tar game)
1983 NASA launches Telstar-3A
1986 NASA releases transcript from doomed Challenger, pilot Michael Smith could be heard saying, "Uh-oh!" as spacecraft disintegrated
1988 IBM announces price hike on older models
1988 Jordan cancels $1.3 billion development plan in West Bank
1988 Winnie Mandella's home in Soweto, South Africa destroyed by arson
1989 Braves Dale Murphy, hits 2 3-run HRs in an inning, 14th man to hit 2 HRs in an inning. Also ties record of 6 RBIs in an inning
1989 NASA's Lewis Research Center, Cleve, announce new high-temperature superconductors able to operate at 33 to 37 Gigahertz
1990 Blackout hits Chicago
1991 Miguel Indurain of Spain wins the Tour de France
1994 Texas Ranger Kenny Rogers pitches baseball's 12th perfect game
1995 Art Modell's rep begins secrets talks to move team to Baltimore
2002 Lance Armstrong wins the Tour de France,
for the fourth consecutive year.
2061 31st recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet
(party at 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub's house. Please RSVP)

---

Holidays
Note: Some Holidays are only applicable on a given "day of the week"

Bermuda : Adm George Somers Day (1609)
San Marino : Fall of Facism Day (1943)
US : Joseph Lee Day-honors playgrounds (1937)
US : Volunteers of America founders day (1859)
Gilroy, California : Garlic Festival ( Friday )
Peru : Independence Day (1824)
Marry a Millionaire Day
National Ice Cream Month

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Religious Observances
Luth : Commemoration of JS Bach, Heinrich Schtz, GF Handel
RC : Comm of SS Nazarius, Celsus, martyrs & Innocent I, pope
RC : Commemoration of St Victor I, 14th pope (189-199)

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Religious History
1675 Death of Bulstrode Whitelocke 69, an influential English lawyer during theCommonwealth of Oliver Cromwell. Among Whitelocke's last words: 'There has been one true religion in the world; and that is the work of the Spirit of God in the hearts and souls of men.'
1881 Birth of J. Gresham Machen, an American Presbyterian theologian who taught at Princeton and Westminster seminaries. Two of his writings still endure: 'New Testament Greekfor Beginners' (1923) and 'The Virgin Birth of Christ' (1932).
1889 The first Divine Liturgy (worship service) of the Armenian Church in America wascelebrated in Worcester, MA. It was led by Rev. Hovsep Sarajian, himself the first Armenianclergyman to come to America.
1942 Death of W.M. Flinders Petrie, 89, English archaeologist. He was regarded bycolleague William Foxwell Albright as 'the greatest genius among biblical archaeologists.'
1960 American Trappist Thomas Merton wrote in a letter: 'I can depend less and lesson my own power and sense of direction... It is so strange to advance backwards and getwhere you are going in a totally unexpected way.'

Source: William D. Blake. ALMANAC OF THE CHRISTIAN CHURCH. Minneapolis: Bethany House, 1987.

---

Migration leaves man drought
Wednesday July 27, 2005

Guardian

Thousands of men in their 20s and early 30s have left Australia, causing a gender imbalance that is having far-reaching implications for society, a study shows.
New figures show there were 20,000 fewer men than women aged 30-something in Australia last year, according to a report by accounting firm KPMG, reversing a long period in which there were more men.

The study, which uses data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics, shows that in the 12 months to 2004 there was a surplus of women in every age group between 29 and 55.

KPMG partner Bernard Salt, a demographer and social watcher, said Australia's so-called "man drought" was not caused by fewer boys at birth. The globalisation of labour was the main reason young men in particular were leaving Australia for the bigger economies of the northern hemisphere, including Britain and the US. Those men often chose to marry and stay overseas.

"The man drought is leading to a shift in consumer culture; you have more women buying apartments, taking out finance loans; women are evolving their own single culture," Mr Salt said.

A similar trend emerged in New Zealand in the late 1970s and accelerated as men migrated to Australia or the northern hemisphere.





Hmmmmmmm?

---

Thought for the day :
"Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum (A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants)."
Phil Proctor

[TheMom]

Good Morning. Off to work, but thought I would leave you with a few funny's I received this morning.


A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, " that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."


An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me....your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."

[StarCMC]

Thanks for the Blues Acad!

[acad1228]

Good morning, Star! I'm sorry I haven't been involved in the Canteen as much as I'd like lately, but with oil staying around $60 a barrel, it's < * > around here. (Ask Tom, he's a draftsman too. He'll know what that means.)

[StarCMC]

Hey Queenie!! Where'd you get this picture of baby Tomkow??

[StarCMC]

I think summer's just one of those times - I have spells too where I'm just busy - it's the way it goes!! *HUGS!*

[E.G.C.]

((HUGS))Good morning, Beach. How's it going?

[darkwing104]

Good Morning Canteen FReepers!

[beachn4fun]

>>>>>'NO REFILLS'." <<<<<<


Now......that is scary!


Have a good day

[StarCMC]

Good morning Darkwing ~ when's moving day??