Commandments for Politically Incorrect Living

Vanity Post ^ | 07/26/05 | Alan Burkhart

[neverhome]

Commandments For Politically Incorrect Living

1. Thou shalt have no nation before The United States of America.
2. Thou shalt always say "Under God" when reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
3. Honor thy Bush and thy Cheney.
4. Thou shalt not blaspheme against Microsoft or Haliburton.
5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Corvette
6. Thou shalt use every tax loophole in existence, and hoard thy money.
7. Thou shalt not buy an electric car, for it is uncool.
8. Thou shalt not oppose drilling for domestic oil.
9. Thou shalt not try to "understand" weird people.
10. Thou shalt not have a sex-change.
11. Thou shalt not trust any man who weareth a diaper upon his head
12. Thou shalt not suffer a Chihuahua to live.
13. Thou shalt not use recycled toilet paper.
14. Thou shalt not worship the false gods of Global Warming, Zero Body Fat, or Animal Rights.
15. Thou shalt support our troops and their Commander in Chief.
16. Thou shalt be proficient in the use of a handgun.
17. Thou shalt not sue thy doctor over a hangnail.
18. Thou shalt not eat "veggie burgers," for they art unclean.
19. Thou shalt not atone for the alleged sins of thy forefathers.
20. Thou shalt speakest only English while on hallowed American soil.
21. Thou shalt spank thy children when they screweth up.
22. Thou shalt spell-check thine e-mails and instant messages.
23. Thou shalt visit FreeRepublic each day, for it is groovy.

[neverhome]

Okay... did I miss anything? Feel free to suggest more.

[TomServo]

Okay... did I miss anything?

Yeah - thou shalt not abuse the Activism sidebar

[neverhome]

Oops

I thought I posted it under political humor. How did it end up here?

I'm a bit new to F/R so don't be quite so quick to crucify me.

[Rumplemeyer]

Have you considered putting this on T-Shirts, front and back, I think it would be a winner.

[randog]

LOL! Instant classic!

[Jackknife]

Is there a story buried in these lines somewhere?

[randog]

Thou shalt smoke thy Marlboro when and wherest thou wisheth.

[neverhome]

Is there a story buried in these lines somewhere?

Yep... I was really bored.

[judgeandjury]

Thou shalt not buy an electric car, for it is uncool.

This one is just nonsense. Concepts of "cool" and "uncool" are purely speculative. What is "cool" to me might be "uncool" to someone else, and what is "cool" to someone else might be "uncool" to me. Who's to say what is or isn't "cool"?

[neverhome]

Thou shalt smoke thy Marlboro when and wherest thou wisheth.

Yep, that one gets added. If I can get up to about 40 or 50 goods ones I'll post'em somewhere.

[Jackknife]

Yep... I was really bored

Heh Heh Heh ...... sorry .... just bustin yer chops a little. Welcome to FR!

[crazyhorse691]

OK, I admit I broke #18(# Thou shalt not eat "veggie burgers," for they art unclean.). But, it was only one, it was the only thing being offered that remotely looked like food, and I thought I could trust people wearing cowboy hats. Stupid Portland theme dinners.

[neverhome]

Concepts of "cool" and "uncool" are purely speculative.

Certain amount of truth here. I regard 400 hp as rather cool. When electric karz can keep up with a '68 Charger RT, then they will enter the realm of "Cool."

[benjaminjjones]

2x. IF THOU ART EMPLOYED BY HOMO LIBERAL DEMORAT PUKES AS A CONSULTANT, THOU SHALT CHARGE THEM 25% MORE THAN THY CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN COMPATRIOTS, WHILST KEEPING THY MOUTH SHUT DURING THEIR TAUNTING, LUNATIC RAVINGS

[bejaykay]

I'll go with the original Ten. They are fewer to remember and they are more likely to keep you conservative.

[randog]

Who's to say what is or isn't "cool"?

The guy that owns the list.

[Pukin Dog]

Thou shalt not question Pukin Dog's sources, lest he stop sharing.

[neverhome]

Well, shucks...
Okay, you're forgiven :p

[Pukin Dog]

Electric cars are NOT cool. Big Hummers and Titan pickups(bought mine today) are cool.

I burn more gas than anyone in San Diego county. Deal with it, liberals!

[TASMANIANRED]

You were deceived, it doesn't count.

Has do be done with fore knowledge.