My Pregnant Wife: An Unexpected Target in the Culture Wars

"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!", I am told by a nice woman I know at church. I have known this lady for some time, and we have never talked politics. Suddenly, my wife is hot political topic #1. And though the politics are 'under the radar', my wife is clearly a target in the ongoing cultural war.

Until my wife started to dramatically enlarge during this last trimester, comments like these had been few. Now, it is a torrent. "What hospital? What OB? You are getting an epidural, right? What brand of formula do you plan to use (as if we will collapse immediately into the arms of the Enfamil salesman)? You are not going to breast feed too long, are you? Are you on a waiting list yet for infant day care?"

My wife and I, married over 10 years with all kinds of issues associated with getting pregnant are about to be parents of a boy in a few weeks. We are of course, thrilled and overjoyed.

But the political overtones of how we bring him into the world are just unreal. The unending stream of opinion and advice about it, with over 95 percent of it being something like this: "don't be stupid. Get the epidural." We have yet to have a single woman report to us that having her baby in a fully undrugged state was a good idea.

Why is labor today so terrifying for women? Why is it that husbands are being taught that encouraging a woman to experience a full unmedicated delivery is akin to treating her like a barbarian? Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it. Why is this so politically incorrect? Why are hordes of women pouring out of the woodwork yelling at us to make sure she gets the drugs, the epidural?

What the heck is going on such that bringing a child into the world has to be so .... upsetting?

And these are women at my church! I can just imagine what a hapless secular woman in some lonely cul-de-sac must endure.

I'm a typical Chistian man with a very pregnant wife. I have an atypical enthusiasm for most things associated with FreeRepublic. I'm looking for reports from any of you husbands (or their wives) out there have experienced the kind of unreal cultural pressure my wife and I have undergone as this last trimester winds down.

I have googled around, looking for articles about this - and it is just about nada. Mostly stuff on teen pregnancy and abortion. Zilch regarding ordinary married folks who are being pressured to have a 'modern' birth experience.

I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?

Good luck to you and the Mrs.

My advice:

Don't let people push you around.

Never forget that the objective is the safe delivery of a healthy baby. If that means no drugs, GREAT! If it means an epidural, GREAT! If it means a c-section, well...that's GREAT, too!

Remember to thank your lucky stars that we live when and where we do, where doctors actually CAN save mothers and babies who would otherwise die. (I myself would have been among the casualties had this not been the case.)

Again...the very best of luck to you, your wife and your precious little one. I'm sure everything will work out A-OK.

Regards,

I forgot to mention that I went to med school largely due to the way the doctors treated me about my la leche league and Lamaze ideas. Fixed them, didn't I?

Do be with your wife as much as possible. My husband, the saint, took care of me and I will always be grateful for the memories that he stuck it out with me even though he hates all things medical. And, he got to cut the cord!

If you can bank the blood by donating - that would be the best. One, it's free. Two, the chances of your family ever needing it are very small. Three, by granddaughter received a bone marrow transplant from some generous boy's cord blood, saving her life. (and, possibly making her eligible to be a Baptist preacher, if her blood type counts.)

I did my best to give women the choice, keep my hands off them during labor and let them lead in labor, and learned so much from the nurse midwives who helped train us in med school. I only delivered about 50 or 60 babies a year and referred the surgical deliveries, because I'm a wimp and not a cutter. (My c-section rate, due to some screening, was less than 2%) I quit deliveries after 4 years, due to a change in call groups and the fact that malpractice tripled in that time. I still love to be the one to tell a girl she's pregnant, and get to do some early care and diagnosis, up to 20 weeks before the dreaded malpractice limit interferes.

The circumcision - there's lots of argument. Do what feels right for you. I told parents that there are 2 reasons for routine new born circumcision: if you're Jewish, and if Daddy is circumcised and thinks it's important.

The nurses were so glad when I quit doing circumcisions -we were never sure whether I'd survive it. But, I checked and double checked and triple checked, and was lucky enough never to have any complications. And I never did pass out.

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.