Posted on 04/02/2005 4:36:04 AM PST by gobucks
"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!", I am told by a nice woman I know at church. I have known this lady for some time, and we have never talked politics. Suddenly, my wife is hot political topic #1. And though the politics are 'under the radar', my wife is clearly a target in the ongoing cultural war.
Until my wife started to dramatically enlarge during this last trimester, comments like these had been few. Now, it is a torrent. "What hospital? What OB? You are getting an epidural, right? What brand of formula do you plan to use (as if we will collapse immediately into the arms of the Enfamil salesman)? You are not going to breast feed too long, are you? Are you on a waiting list yet for infant day care?"
My wife and I, married over 10 years with all kinds of issues associated with getting pregnant are about to be parents of a boy in a few weeks. We are of course, thrilled and overjoyed.
But the political overtones of how we bring him into the world are just unreal. The unending stream of opinion and advice about it, with over 95 percent of it being something like this: "don't be stupid. Get the epidural." We have yet to have a single woman report to us that having her baby in a fully undrugged state was a good idea.
Why is labor today so terrifying for women? Why is it that husbands are being taught that encouraging a woman to experience a full unmedicated delivery is akin to treating her like a barbarian? Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it. Why is this so politically incorrect? Why are hordes of women pouring out of the woodwork yelling at us to make sure she gets the drugs, the epidural?
What the heck is going on such that bringing a child into the world has to be so .... upsetting?
And these are women at my church! I can just imagine what a hapless secular woman in some lonely cul-de-sac must endure.
I'm a typical Chistian man with a very pregnant wife. I have an atypical enthusiasm for most things associated with FreeRepublic. I'm looking for reports from any of you husbands (or their wives) out there have experienced the kind of unreal cultural pressure my wife and I have undergone as this last trimester winds down.
I have googled around, looking for articles about this - and it is just about nada. Mostly stuff on teen pregnancy and abortion. Zilch regarding ordinary married folks who are being pressured to have a 'modern' birth experience.
I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?
YIKES!!! I'm an RN...work in a NICU, and so have attended many, many deliveries in case the baby needs imminent care.
I wouldn't THINK of telling ANY one my opinions unless asked. This is RUDE!!!!
ouch... sorry to hear about this (my wife just reported recently she though the little guy had turned and was 'crooked'. Well, that led to a night of restless sleep as she awful thoughts of breech ... but that said, I'll just report that meds we're going to try to avoid, but we're not granola martyrs....
I know, I think so too .... which is why it reminds me of the political fight in all the other arenas ... it just gets so little press. But, given that loving on kids seems to be like holy water to a vampire, I doubt the MSM will get to the subject anytime soon...
I know, I think so too .... which is why it reminds me of the political fight in all the other arenas ... it just gets so little press. But, given that loving on kids seems to be like holy water to a vampire, I doubt the MSM will get to the subject anytime soon...
Many thanks and I'll ping you in June ... good luck w/ the third trimester through the summer ...
As the mother of a child who spent his first three weeks in the NICU (because of ToF), may I just say THANK YOU to you and ALL the magnificent angels who care so ceaselessly for the little ones who need it most.
You truly are a blessing from God. May he ALWAYS bless you for the holy work you do.
Regards,
Jenny
Wishing you and your wife a healthy baby. God Bless your family.
You are SO SWEET!!! As you must know, our work is hard and a lot of times stressful, but always very rewarding. I feel blessed to be able to minister to God's children.
Just hope that your wife doesn't go into labor on a Sunday afternoon when her OB really, really wants to watch football. He'll quickly decide that your wife needs a C section.
Hey, I've read your posts before and know you're not 'granola martyrs.' LOL, good term!
I understand your wish for no drugs, there are always risks involved in any decision. We weighed ours and came down with the choice for pain meds. Unfortunately, out choice wasn't honored.
That's the whole deal. It's an individual family decision. Unless asking for opinions, as on this thread, everyone else should just butt out.
Geez, complete strangers felt compelled to put their hands on my "tummy" when I was standing in line at the grocery store!
It's a strange and wondrous time indeed.
Best wishes to you and Mrs. gobucks on the birth of a healthy son!
My Granny told me that in her youth having a kid was a woman thing. When the kid was due all of the old hens got together to discuss the fact, the family geneology. The pluses and minus of the father and his familly, the circumstanses of the conception and the various signs of whether it was to be a boy or a girl and whether the kid was born to be hanged.
On the day of the birth, my Greatgranny who was the town midwife, she had 12 kids and delivered a couple of hundered more, would go out and talk the mother through it with a couple of the senior hens in attendance, advice.
The totally excluded father, was in the mean time, having a breakdown in worry about his wife and the kid to be generally got drunk. After the birth the Senior hens speculated on who the kid looked like and whether he was born to be hung and took care of the familly until the mother could get around.
I was born in 1946, the first in my family to be born in a hospital. My Grandmother did not think that I had passed a test.
I wonder what effect it will have on parent-child relations. For that matter, did returning to long, painful labor bring mothers and children closer together or drive them further apart?
I'd not have thought of this ... but I'll be on the look out for the possibility...
:) :) And it is indeed a neat time....
I find myself in a bit of a philisophical pickle.
On the one hand, I have no idea how you gals in the NICU do it. From what I saw, it seems that when things end happily (as they did for us), it must be just the most glorious feeling in the world. But when they end badly, as I know they occasionally do, it must be so tremendously sad. That you can go on day after day like that is astonishing to me.
But on the other hand...had I gone in to medicine (as a nurse or a doc), I KNOW, deep in my heart, that OB/Maternity/NICU would have been my choice -- for exactly the same reasons as I listed above. Don't ask me why.
Regards,
" I wonder what effect it will have on parent-child relations."
The reports on this point are quite consistent ... bonding is enhanced b/c she and the baby are relatively much more alert. Also, I think the memories are more crisp, but I'm not sure about that one...
But, as for parent child relations in general, I dunno much. My mother ... she is an utter mystery to me most of the time... (but, then again, she is very, very liberal).
I read this advice a hundred years ago from Dear Abby or Ann Landers.
When someone gets TOOOOO Personal with their advice, you respond... "Thank you for your input." and you change the subject. If they continue to chew on your leg, you say again, "Thank you for your input," and then change the subject as many times as it takes for them to get the hint that certain subjects are too personal for their input.
I do this QUITE frequently and it makes you feel better than getting frustrated or worse.
Good luck.
Hey, this is the first time I read this and it is so funny and true!! Wait until you have a couple of kids and people start asking you if you are having any more and if you are getting a vasectomy if you are done! It's crazy!
I have had 3 kids, the first 2 were natural and the last I got the epidural. My first 2 labors were pretty "easy" in that the first was 11 hours start to finish and the second was 5 1/2 hours both labors I pushed for about a half hour. The third was 12 hours and less pushing time. I did get a shot of nubain for the first 2 and that really helped. It took the edge off of the contractions enough that I could relax. They made me feel drunk a little drunk. The shot does nothing in the last phase for pain when the contractions get intense and nothing for the pushing. I liked the epidural in that when the pushing time came, I could listen to the doctor and concentrate on what I was doing and focus on what I had to do. All my kids came in the middle of the night or the next day so my labor was the entire previous night so I was up for 2 days straight. At least the epidural let me sleep for a couple of hours in that time. FWIW
If your wife is for the natural way, my suggestion is going to a yoga instructor and going through relaxing and breathing exercises. I went to a birth class and you spend time on breathing/relaxing exercises but it is not enough. She will need to learn how to relax her body when every instinct from the pain of the contraction will be telling her to tense up. It is absolutely key to relax her stomach and concentrate on relaxing her stomach/uterus during that time. It is only up to your wife on how her labor is and jus support her. May God bless you both and that little boy of yours! Are you doing anything with the cord blood? If you aren't banking it for your family, you can look into donating it to a cord blood bank.
Many thanks DD ...
Whatever makes momma happy - 'cause if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
I had 2 natural births, one with a lay midwife at home because our local MD's had an 80% C-section rate and I didn't want to risk it. And, it was the "my way" '70's.(The second was born with her hand up on her face - let's face it, I could have had twins, side by side). But, the epidural can be a blessing, if carefully done.
I also nursed each of them for 2 years, but being part cow (see above), that really was no accomplishment. Weaning my husband was always harder than weaning the baby (just wait, you'll understand how I could be so crude before this is all over.)
Be easy, love your baby and each other. The real test will be sticking together against the child's attempts to divide and conquer and the fatique. We were so thrilled when the youngest went to college, we could keep ice cream in the freezer long enough for us to gain weight, and we still genuinely *liked* each other!
Just enjoy, because this too shall pass. "Waller" in it! If there is anything I regret, it's not having 2 or 3 more.
But, now I am a Grandma, which is even more fun!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.