Our 7th:
Posted on 04/02/2005 4:36:04 AM PST by gobucks
"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!", I am told by a nice woman I know at church. I have known this lady for some time, and we have never talked politics. Suddenly, my wife is hot political topic #1. And though the politics are 'under the radar', my wife is clearly a target in the ongoing cultural war.
Until my wife started to dramatically enlarge during this last trimester, comments like these had been few. Now, it is a torrent. "What hospital? What OB? You are getting an epidural, right? What brand of formula do you plan to use (as if we will collapse immediately into the arms of the Enfamil salesman)? You are not going to breast feed too long, are you? Are you on a waiting list yet for infant day care?"
My wife and I, married over 10 years with all kinds of issues associated with getting pregnant are about to be parents of a boy in a few weeks. We are of course, thrilled and overjoyed.
But the political overtones of how we bring him into the world are just unreal. The unending stream of opinion and advice about it, with over 95 percent of it being something like this: "don't be stupid. Get the epidural." We have yet to have a single woman report to us that having her baby in a fully undrugged state was a good idea.
Why is labor today so terrifying for women? Why is it that husbands are being taught that encouraging a woman to experience a full unmedicated delivery is akin to treating her like a barbarian? Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it. Why is this so politically incorrect? Why are hordes of women pouring out of the woodwork yelling at us to make sure she gets the drugs, the epidural?
What the heck is going on such that bringing a child into the world has to be so .... upsetting?
And these are women at my church! I can just imagine what a hapless secular woman in some lonely cul-de-sac must endure.
I'm a typical Chistian man with a very pregnant wife. I have an atypical enthusiasm for most things associated with FreeRepublic. I'm looking for reports from any of you husbands (or their wives) out there have experienced the kind of unreal cultural pressure my wife and I have undergone as this last trimester winds down.
I have googled around, looking for articles about this - and it is just about nada. Mostly stuff on teen pregnancy and abortion. Zilch regarding ordinary married folks who are being pressured to have a 'modern' birth experience.
I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?
Or the ever so lovely "are all those yours!?!?!?" But, my favorite is "don't you know how that happens?"
My wife was at the store with 4 or 5 of our 9 children and the clerk asked if they were all her children. She answered "no, the rest are at home."
My favorite is "you don't have a TV do you?"
Just like to see a man go thru Childbirth once...Natural childbirth. what fun that would be. Have given birth and passed a few kidney stones. As bad as Kidney stones hurt....they never made me feel like I was going to die of pain...as Childbirth did.
I'm going to assume that the ladies at your church were just trying to make conversation. Everyone has opinions on childbirth and even more so on childrearing. Don't take offense, they are merely offering their own experience, and hoping to help you and your wife. Take what you will and leave the rest.
As to natural childbirth ... we took the classes and I went into the hospital anticipating that we'd have natural. Didn't work out that way .. the fetal heart monitor said "Caesarian!" and not only that, but "Caesarian NOW," so that's what we did. The alternative would have been to lose the baby .. some times you just have to use good old common sense and pay attention to the docs.
As you anticipate your firstborn, a truly blessed event, don't become too centered on his manner of birth and form of infant feeding. It's a long haul deal. How you and your wife interact every single day for 18 years with your son, and any other siblings if you ae so blessed, will be more important to his growth as a person than what happened or didn't happen in the delivery room.
God Bless you all.
I did have some pain relief, during labor, until about two hours before my children were born.
I recommend no epidural-breast feeding as long as is good for the baby and Mom- and lots of snuggling with Mom, Dad and baby.
However I don't judge if a woman does want the epidural and /or does bottle feed -but no snuggling is terrible as far as I am concerned :].
Congrats! It is the best thing in the world to have a child!
BTW-Yes- Many people think a pregnant woman is community property and they will start pushing their agenda on you all. You wife will soon find out that many women would rather talk about labor pains for the next twenty years than anything else!! (that is more painful to me than the actual delivery of my children!)
Be supportive in the delivery room if she gets scared and make sure you tell her that you and the doctor have everything under control. She will feel better hearing that when she is in labor.
I have four children, all without drugs, not because of any strong feelings one way or the other, but because I have them so fast they don't have time to get any drugs in me. You will continue to be amazed at the intensity people bring to their particular views, not just of childbirth, but to how you ought to raise the little darling. Ignore them and use your common sense. Women have been doing this for some time now without this kind of nonsense and political correctness. Do what you two think is right for you and what you feel comfortable with and enjoy, as I know you will, this wonderful gift.
Our 7th:
Amen to that. Not everything needs to be a confrontation; listen politely, thank them, and then do what you think is best. And you don't need to share every detail of what you plan/don't plan to do with everyone unless you want even more opinions/advice!
Well, in my experience, my wife was slated in advance for a Cesarean birth for our second child. She was going to be drugged regardless. Toward the "moment" she was having extreme pain and had not slept in hours. Her regular Doctor who had cared for her up to this moment was not available, and her stand-in was taking care of my wife at the hospital.
My wife was exhausted and from my experience with her, it was going to be difficult for her in the extreme due to the pain level to wait another 12 hours until the Doctor decided she should have the Cesarean.
She was going to let her sit in agony for that duration despite the fact that she would receive pain medication at the end of 12 hours. The Doctor was not interested in my request for some pain relief for my wife.
I confronted the Doctor and asked her what reason is there for her to endure the 12 hours of pain to the point of physical exhaustion? Would it not pose a far greater risk to the child and her if she is placed under extreme duress and physical stress before she is cut open? Wouldn't it make sense that she gets as much rest as possible before she is sliced apart to "give birth"? "I need a reason" I asked the Doctor.
She ordered that my wife received a pain killer.
My wife was exceptionally grateful to me.
Now I need to state that my wife has had difficulty with child birth before. She got rear ended by a Corvette while she was carrying our firstborn. Too many things to name, we were only sustained by the grace of God, IMHO.
For all the difficulties she endured, I was going to see that she receives minimal relief. She's faced the "tests" and passed them as far as I'm concerned. I was truly concerned that lack of rest prior to another surgery would be harmful, so I pursued to avenue to her great relief, although she couldn't tell me how happy she was about it until later.
It was worth it, I assure you.
Finally, I truly feel that there is no real benefit in attaining this level of civilization if we can't utilize it's advantages for protection and relief that our fore bearers had no other choice but to endure. Eternity is filled with the despairing cries of mothers who sacrificed their lives to give birth to their children. I was not in the least compelled to risk that my wife might become to physically exhausted that we'd risk her joining them. Yes, it is PAIN. Blood pressure climbing so high it's dangerous, convulsions driven by agony and the hopelessness of being unable to escape from it. I felt it was absolutely Neanderthal to abandon my wife to such if I could possibly do anything to help.
But that's just me. Some people have an easier time with child birth than others. Not my wife. So I didn't feel compelled to see her endure more than she needed to.
Well, after 24 hours in labor, with no pain meds, I opted for the epidural.
Birth ended up not being "natural" at all, as I had to have a c-section.
You just never know until you get into the situation what you're going to do or need.
It's not wrong to go in thinking you want the delivery to be natural, but it's not wrong to take an epidural either.
If you have a headache, you probably take a Tylenol, right?
Enduring pain wins you no prizes. It is not a goal that makes one "better" than another. Go with the flow, maybe she'll have an easy delivery and she won't need any pain meds. But if she does, she hasn't failed by asking for them.
That's one cute kid. Wouldn't it be great if someone looked at your group of 7 and said. "7 - that's the best you all could do?"
I have to largely agree with this observation, unfortunately. You, otoh, sound secure. Bottom line, when you meet secure women, what is the common denominator among them that you think causes this in them? Not watching Oprah?
I had the first three without any medication. After the third came in at 9 lb 9, AND got stuck at the shoulders there was no way I was doing the fourth without an epidural.
Downsides of epidural - I think I counted 8 leads or tubes emanating from my body. There was very much a feeling of having machines run my labor. But because of the Fentanyl (sp? lovely stuff) I didn't care.
Biggest upside of the epidural. No vomiting and diarrhea, which I assumed was a natural part of labor - turns out to be a consequence of the pain.
Biggest upside of pain - when it stops it's done.
Biggest downside of pain - it leaves your mind extraordinarily impressionable. Make sure your wife is treated with kindness, consideration and respect. Don't let anybody yell at her, not even to push.
And after it's all over, having a healthy baby is all that matters.
Oh, and you are parents. Of a little boy inside. Blesssings on you all.
Mrs VS
I've been wondering about this topic as well ... oh boy.
(Gotta scoot for a time ... they take attendance at the birthing class)
Here in the semi-rural South, I actually sometimes get asked, "Is that all you have?" (Like Samuel asking Jesse, "Are these all the sons you have?") I've met several people from families of a dozen or more.
You wouldn't be having all these concerns if you had just gone out and adopted a puppy!;-)
To him it is breaking/very important.
Build a house and everyone will tell you how and everyone will tell you their horror stories. Buy a boat and they'll all tell you about the wasted money. Have a kid and everyone will tell you about the problems in pregnancy and childbirth.
We want to seem competent. There are few areas of life where we can seem competent any more so we take the opportunity when we can. It's a sign of the general sickness of our society that wants people to develop self esteem for doing nothing.
Take advice from those you trust, thank the rest and tell them you're praying about it. If anyone gets pushy, ask them if they are the prophet G-d has promised you.
Shalom.
Tell your wife that pain is just weakness, leaving the body.
Well, Zardor, you are a paragon...but, if you had to have an appendectomy, or a compound fracture surgically fixed...would you 'go it' without pain management? Or, maybe even do it yourself. Would you refuse antibiotics if you had septicemia? Or would you opt for herbal teas, or somesuch? If a woman cannot deliver normally....would you have her forego a caesarian?
All this getting back to the natural way is wonderful, but I wonder if you draw the line somewhere? I try to keep my land chemical free...but I worm my animals and get them preventative immunizations.
I do think the american mind set is to eager to look to a 'prescription' for the answer to everything under the sun...but how far does the 'natural way' go?
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